MOH hell...

christinab123

6 bridesmaids, 2 are my younger sisters. I asked them to be co-MOH. Thought that's what was expected of me. I was nervous (since neither of them have attended or been in a wedding before).  But, I asked them anyways... (Since there are 2 of them, they should be comfortable & excited, right?)

Wrong. (Keep in mind, I have a full-blown wedding coordinator. So I even haven't asked them to do ANYTHING wedding related yet, except for shop for BM dresses...)

However, apparently they're basically having anxiety attacks 24/7 about the role/title of MOH... And, due to the insecurities, they have made fun of me, every step of the way so far (e.g. criticized the items my fiance and I registered for, questioned me about why in the world I'd ever have bridal portraits taken-- "who takes pics before the wedding day? that's weird."... etc.)

They're so insecure about being MOH, that they couldn't even muster up the courage to tell me... My dad scheduled a lunch with just he & I (2 days ago) and said, "Hey, if you can, I think you should ask someone else to be MOH. Your sisters are freaking out over here & are too afraid to tell you themselves." (Again, I haven't asked ANYTHING of them. They're just freaking out over the IDEA of having to eventually do wedding-related stuff.)

I have friends/bridesmaids (one in particular) that I much rather would have asked... And, it seems now like everyone would be more comfortable if I asked my sisters to step down & selected a different MOH.

My other BMs agree that, with my dad's blessing & the new information about my sisters' anxiety, I should pull the trigger (& ask someone else)...

Now, fellow Knotties, since this isn't something I can take back (once I ask them to step down)... Just looking for some final reinforcement:  How's the best way to handle this, while honoring my other BMs who will ultimately pick up the sisters' slack, and still making an effort to protect everyone's feelings?  Would it be weird to make them "honorary Maids of Honor" or something, and forego asking for their help for planning a shower, etc?

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:88830fdd-0caa-4bf6-861f-d324cea4f9f0Post:a79ff753-8151-4a4b-9e17-ab2f0e1d8ab6">MOH hell...</a>:
[QUOTE]6 bridesmaids, 2 are my younger sisters. I asked them to be co-MOH. Thought that's what was expected of me. I was nervous (since neither of them have attended or been in a wedding before).  But, I asked them anyways... (Since there are 2 of them, they should be comfortable & excited, right?) Wrong. (Keep in mind, I have a full-blown wedding coordinator. So I even haven't asked them to do ANYTHING wedding related yet, except for shop for BM dresses...) However, apparently they're basically having anxiety attacks 24/7 about the role/title of MOH... And, due to the insecurities, they have made fun of me, every step of the way so far (e.g. criticized the items my fiance and I registered for, questioned me about why in the world I'd ever have bridal portraits taken-- "who takes pics before the wedding day? that's weird."... etc.) They're so insecure about being MOH, that they couldn't even muster up the courage to tell me... My dad scheduled a lunch with just he & I (2 days ago) and said, "Hey, if you can, I think you should ask someone else to be MOH. Your sisters are freaking out over here & are too afraid to tell you themselves." (Again, I haven't asked ANYTHING of them. They're just freaking out over the IDEA of having to eventually do wedding-related stuff.) I have friends/bridesmaids (one in particular) that I much rather would have asked... And, it seems now like everyone would be more comfortable if I asked my sisters to step down & selected a different MOH. My other BMs agree that, with my dad's blessing & the new information about my sisters' anxiety, I should pull the trigger (& ask someone else)... Now, fellow Knotties, since this isn't something I can take back (once I ask them to step down)... Just looking for some final reinforcement:  How's the best way to handle this, while honoring my other BMs who will ultimately pick up the sisters' slack, and still making an effort to protect everyone's feelings?  Would it be weird to make them "honorary Maids of Honor" or something, and forego asking for their help for planning a shower, etc?
Posted by christinab123[/QUOTE]

<div>There should be no "picking up slack". As it sounds like you know, the only duties of a bridesmaid is to buy a dress and wear it. </div><div>
</div><div>You need to talk to your sisters about this. Don't do anything until you sit them down and actually talk to them. Let them tell you they don't want to be MOHs, don't tell them. </div><div>
</div><div>And do not ask anyone to host a shower for you. A shower is not a right and you should never ask for one. If no one offers to throw you a shower, you don't get one. You;ll be fine.</div><div>
</div><div>EDIT: You should not have talked about this to you other bridesmaids. Now you're doing exactly what you're mad at them for - talking smack about them behind their backs. </div>

MairePoppy

Unless your sisters are very young children, your dad is over stepping. Don't ask them to step down.Tell them  their only duties, as MsOH, are to get the dress, show up on time for the wedding and hold your bouquet during the ring exchange. They can handle that, right?

ditto bear - you shouldn't ask anyone to host a shower. If your bms volunteer, you may accept their offer. And it wasn't right to poll the bms on whether your sisters should be replaced. That was very insensitive, on your part.

Summer2011Bride

I don't think your dad should ever have gotten involved in this, but I digress.

You don't ask them to step down, because it's basically kicking them out of the role. Don't use euphemisms to make it sound better than it is. You yourself said you aren't expecting anything from them, so it should be no issue that they don't want to do anything. If you are concerned about their anxiety, why don't you go talk to them directly instead of going through your dad?

There is no slack to pick up, so you don't need to have a different MOH. You can't call them honorary MOHs either. That would be for someone who can't be at the wedding because of a deployment, illness, or because they are deceased. They are none of these things. You will really harm your relationship with them if you kick them out of being MOH.

christinab123

In all fairness... When talking to my other BMs, I was asking for advice on how to handle the situation-- rather than talking smack about my sisters behind their backs.

And, I have not (and would not) ask for a shower... But, if someone (non-MOH) offers to do so, I don't want to tell them no because my sisters may be planning something-- when I'm not clear on what my sisters do (or don't) want to do for me. .

But, I see your points. It would be better for them to tell me they'd like to step down... I just think that (just like they were too chicken to share their feelings of anxiety with me), they'd be too chicken to voluntarily give up the position-- which is why "relieving" them of their duties seems far more reasonable to me.

Still not sure explicity what to do or say...    

christinab123

For sure! Its so weird (and yet, so predictable) for our dad to have gotten involved.

Also, side note: I didn't intend to say "I don't expect anything of them."

I meant only to say that I haven't asked anything of them (yet), if I ever will... I just don't want to be afraid to lean on them for any little thing-- for fear that they'll have a heart attack the day of my wedding from the mere thought of doing anything for anyone other than themselves.

beardownbchs

If I were you, I would tell them that you talked to your dad and that you're concerned that they think there's more to this than there actually is. Tell them all you want from them is to be with you on your wedding day and maybe hold you flowers and fluff your train. That's it. Don't insinuate that they should step down, assure them that were is no reason for them to. Sure, you might ask their opinions on things, but you're not giving them a cheklist for anything and there's no reason for them to have this anxiety.

You sound so bitter that they're feeling like this. Instead of telling them they're not good enough (and if they have any actual anxiety issues or disorders, essentially adding to their overall anxiety level and making things 100X worse) you need to be assuring them that they are good enough and you would never ask them to do anything that they can't handle. You need to be making them feel better, not shopping around for someone else to throw you a shower.

christinab123

Oh... and, about the shower thing: I have had 2 other people directly offer (3, if you count an offer to contribute to the event-- by allowing it to take place at her house).

But, because I assumed my sisters would want to head up those efforts... I told those other people, "no" or "I don't know yet."

And, as it stands, my sisters seem to want out. And, even if they're not sure if they want out (of being my MOH)-- due to their extreme doubt, I would rather have someone else.

Is that completely unreasonable of me?

christinab123

omg. cool it with the shower references. that isn't the point at all...

focus, ladies... i'm simply asking if-- because they don't want to do it-- might I regret asking them to step down & take a chill pill.

i don't have a crystal ball (nobody does, for that matter), so the future cannot be seen... but, if someone else out there has been through a similar situation, i'd like to know the outcome of their scenario.

i want to remember this as something that brought my friends & family TOGETHER-- not tore them apart. so, i would like to honor my other friend(s) who truly ARE interested in making some awesome memories with me-- instead of making fun of me (like my sisters are), through out this whole process. 

christinab123

For what its worth, I think I've decided to tell them to not worry about the title...

If they want to shop for wedding day shoes with me, they'll come along-- and, without the "MOH title", we should return to being normal sisters (when their motivation was because they wanted to hang out-- not because they thought it was a mandatory chore.)

in the end, maybe i'll have 4 maids of honor... maybe i'll have zero.

but, i think it will be easier for everyone to know what to do if i go ahead and press the "reset" button on this whole thing... then, everyone will do whatever they truly want to do, the roles will fill themselves (if/as applicable), so to speak.

thanks, everyone!

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:88830fdd-0caa-4bf6-861f-d324cea4f9f0Post:4e8368f2-08c7-4e95-ac98-52ef7346742d">Re: MOH hell...</a>:
[QUOTE]omg. cool it with the shower references. that isn't the point at all... focus, ladies... i'm simply asking if-- because they don't want to do it-- might I regret asking them to step down & take a chill pill. i don't have a crystal ball (nobody does, for that matter), so the future cannot be seen... but, if someone else out there has been through a similar situation, i'd like to know the outcome of their scenario. i want to remember this as something that brought my friends & family TOGETHER-- not tore them apart. so, i would like to honor my other friend(s) who truly ARE interested in making some awesome memories with me-- instead of making fun of me (like my sisters are), through out this whole process. 
Posted by christinab123[/QUOTE]

<div>And you still don't seem to give a rat's ass about how they actually feel and making them feel better. So, yeah, sure. G'head. Tell them that their level of enthusiasm is not to your expectations and their feelings do not matter since it is your day and you don't want them to be your maids of honor. </div><div>
</div><div>But I'd check the resumes of your other bridesmaids, mental health history, ask them to write a cover letter and interview them to make sure they'll live up to your self-centered expectations. You don't want to have to do this again in a few weeks. </div>

christinab123

ha! nice one, beardownbchs, i'd like to see your credentials-- judging people like you're God or or Santa Claus or something...

just looking for advice here-- not hatred. this is supposed to be a harmless place to seek additional perspective-- NOT persecution.

"report abuse" button, here we come.

christinab123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:88830fdd-0caa-4bf6-861f-d324cea4f9f0Post:01cec60e-1f7b-440a-9746-bd0e0a3aa1f0">Re: MOH hell...</a>:
[QUOTE]Re-think this. Delete the asinine "ask them to 'step down' from MOH" because (1) you aren't asking, and (2) they wouldn't be 'stepping down' - you'd be kicking them down to punish them. They aren't supposed to be doing anything. Stop sharing your plans with them. Then you won't get unwanted commentary.  Keep information on a need-to-know basis only. They don't have to get a blow-by-blow detail on everything you do. Kicking them to the curb will cause hurt feelings that will extend for years past the wedding day, and give you a horrible (and deserved) reputation as a bridezilla. Don't. Please don't.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

On what planet is it fun to keep the maid of honor at arm's length?

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:88830fdd-0caa-4bf6-861f-d324cea4f9f0Post:9ee06790-1bbe-4064-8c8b-3f834161b066">Re: MOH hell...</a>:
[QUOTE]In all fairness... When talking to my other BMs, I was asking for advice on how to handle the situation-- rather than talking smack about my sisters behind their backs. And, I have not (and would not) ask for a shower... But, if someone (non-MOH) offers to do so, I don't want to tell them no because my sisters may be planning something-- when I'm not clear on what my sisters do (or don't) want to do for me. . But, I see your points. It would be better for them to tell me they'd like to step down... I just think that (just like they were too chicken to share their feelings of anxiety with me), they'd be too chicken to voluntarily give up the position-- which is why "relieving" them of their duties seems far more reasonable to me. Still not sure explicity what to do or say...    :(
Posted by christinab123[/QUOTE]


Why are you focused on the idea of kicking them out rather than reassuring them that there's nothing to be stressed over and that the role of MOH is your way of honoring your relationship with them and does not come with a list of duties? Tell them you expect nothing more from them than getting the dress (which should e chosen with their budget

Viczaesar

Finishing thought - chosen with their budget and comfort in mind.

Viczaesar

OP, you seem to have a fundamental misunderstanding of the purpose of your wedding party. They are there for you to honor, not to do things for your wedding. The only thing they need to do is get the selected attire and show up for the wedding itself. Nobody owes you help planning your wedding, other than your FI. You shouldn't have assumed that your sisters were going to throw you a shower. Showers and bachelorette parties are gifts that may be given by anyone who offers and are nobody's responsibility.

christinab123

wtf. did you all have crappy showers or something?

get off the "shower" thing already...

my point:  i assumed my sisters wanted to be involved in this process... but they don't. they'd rather crawl under a rock and come out the day after my wedding-- having missed the whole ordeal & saved themselves the heartache.

as for talking to them... I HAVE talked to them. I've had the same conversation with them several times: "hey, do you wanna help me Pin (pinterest) ideas for hair & makeup?" or "hey, which clutch do you like the best out of these two? they're going to be gifts i give to all the bridesmaids."

and my sisters LITERALLY RESPOND TO NOTHING...

so, i have to stop being excited and happy about wedding planning, get all concerned about them... and then coax them back out of their shells. i have to remind them that this is light-hearted, fun, and sweet stuff... then, they're comfortable for another 2 weeks before they turn unresponsive again.

sometimes, their excuse is "well, i'm a college student, have a boyfriend, and work on the weekends. so, i don't have time to talk twice a week." and sometimes the excuse is, "i'm afraid to say the wrong thing." or, "i don't even understand why the bridesmaids would receive clutch purses as a gift. sounds stupid to me. so, no i don't have a preference." and they act all annoyed-- like it was a huuuuge inconvenience for me to ask for their opinion/input-- let alone ask for their time.  

so, now that this will be the 3rd time i have had this conversation with them, i think its about time to remove the obstacle here... and find some way to return to normalcy (which was the case before anyone was asked to be in the wedding party.)

even though (for the record) "normal" for my relationship with my sisters = not talking much at all.

christinab123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:88830fdd-0caa-4bf6-861f-d324cea4f9f0Post:3eb4c1b1-23a2-4e4c-816f-eb5102e6ce11">Re: MOH hell...</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, you seem to have a fundamental misunderstanding of the purpose of your wedding party. They are there for you to honor, not to do things for your wedding. The only thing they need to do is get the selected attire and show up for the wedding itself. Nobody owes you help planning your wedding, other than your FI. You shouldn't have assumed that your sisters were going to throw you a shower. Showers and bachelorette parties are gifts that may be given by anyone who offers and are nobody's responsibility.
Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]

my understanding is that my wedding party is however special or boring i want it to be.

christinab123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:88830fdd-0caa-4bf6-861f-d324cea4f9f0Post:be6348be-e13e-4b1d-9e3b-96aca6828724">Re: MOH hell...</a>:
[QUOTE]wtf. did you all have crappy showers or something? get off the "shower" thing already... my point:  i assumed my sisters wanted to be involved in this process... but they don't. they'd rather crawl under a rock and come out the day after my wedding-- having missed the whole ordeal & saved themselves the heartache. as for talking to them... I HAVE talked to them. I've had the same conversation with them several times: "hey, do you wanna help me Pin (pinterest) ideas for hair & makeup?" or "hey, which clutch do you like the best out of these two? they're going to be gifts i give to all the bridesmaids." and my sisters LITERALLY RESPOND TO NOTHING... so, i have to stop being excited and happy about wedding planning, get all concerned about them... and then coax them back out of their shells. i have to remind them that this is light-hearted, fun, and sweet stuff... then, they're comfortable for another 2 weeks before they turn unresponsive again. sometimes, their excuse is "well, i'm a college student, have a boyfriend, and work on the weekends. so, i don't have time to talk twice a week." and sometimes the excuse is, "i'm afraid to say the wrong thing." or, "i don't even understand why the bridesmaids would receive clutch purses as a gift. sounds stupid to me. so, no i don't have a preference." and they act all annoyed-- like it was a huuuuge inconvenience for me to ask for their opinion/input-- let alone ask for their time.   so, now that this will be the 3rd time i have had this conversation with them, i think its about time to remove the obstacle here... and find some way to return to normalcy (which was the case before anyone was asked to be in the wedding party.) even though (for the record) "normal" for my relationship with my sisters = not talking much at all.
Posted by christinab123[/QUOTE]

"talk twice a week" was just an example and not a statement of an exact expectation...

(just thought i'd add that since people on here like to take examples WAYYYY out of context. not meant to be a 100% true, literal statement. only meant to convey that they aren't very available. and i don't mind.)

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:88830fdd-0caa-4bf6-861f-d324cea4f9f0Post:42f998f3-ea0e-40b8-a554-18f78b4cb7cf">Re: MOH hell...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH hell... : my understanding is that my wedding party is however special or boring i want it to be.
Posted by christinab123[/QUOTE]
That doesn't even make sense.  Special or boring?  What the heck are you talking about? 

Your wedding party is not your slave labor.  Period.  Full stop.  No matter how much you want them to be your wedding biitches it doesn't make them so.  The point of a wedding party is not how much they can do for you, but rather YOU honoring your relationship with THEM. 

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:88830fdd-0caa-4bf6-861f-d324cea4f9f0Post:be6348be-e13e-4b1d-9e3b-96aca6828724">Re: MOH hell...</a>:
[QUOTE]wtf. did you all have crappy showers or something? get off the "shower" thing already... my point:  i assumed my sisters wanted to be involved in this process... but they don't. they'd rather crawl under a rock and come out the day after my wedding-- having missed the whole ordeal & saved themselves the heartache. as for talking to them... I HAVE talked to them. I've had the same conversation with them several times: "hey, do you wanna help me Pin (pinterest) ideas for hair & makeup?" or "hey, which clutch do you like the best out of these two? they're going to be gifts i give to all the bridesmaids." and my sisters LITERALLY RESPOND TO NOTHING... so, i have to stop being excited and happy about wedding planning, get all concerned about them... and then coax them back out of their shells. i have to remind them that this is light-hearted, fun, and sweet stuff... then, they're comfortable for another 2 weeks before they turn unresponsive again. sometimes, their excuse is "well, i'm a college student, have a boyfriend, and work on the weekends. so, i don't have time to talk twice a week." and sometimes the excuse is, "i'm afraid to say the wrong thing." or, "i don't even understand why the bridesmaids would receive clutch purses as a gift. sounds stupid to me. so, no i don't have a preference." and they act all annoyed-- like it was a huuuuge inconvenience for me to ask for their opinion/input-- let alone ask for their time.   so, now that this will be the 3rd time i have had this conversation with them, i think its about time to remove the obstacle here... and find some way to return to normalcy (which was the case before anyone was asked to be in the wedding party.) even though (for the record) "normal" for my relationship with my sisters = not talking much at all.
Posted by christinab123[/QUOTE]
You're a bit slow, aren't you?  The conversations you report having had with them bear nothing in resemblance to the conversation we're telling you to have. 

I don't know how to be more clear.  IT'S NOT THEIR JOB TO DO WEDDING STUFF WITH YOU.  THEY DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING BESIDES GET THE DRESS.  THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO ARE OBLIGATED TO DO WEDDING STUFF ARE YOU AND YOUR FI, THE TWO PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED. 

If your normal relationship with your sisters = not talking much, why on earth do you think this would change just because you're getting married?

mlg78

How old are your sisters anyway?  They sounds extremely immature.

AdeleDazeem

I'm actually confused.

If you've asked nothing of them, then what are they so anxious about?  Putting a dress and walking down the aisle?  There's literally nothing else to being a MOH. 

You need to talk them and figure out what they are so concerned about then reassure them that the job isn't anywhere near what they are thinking (because it shouldn't be), rather than tell them they are no longer MOHs. 

I feel like half of this story is missing.

Mandaw0515

Do they have to do anything to help with the wedding? No.. Would it be nice to have someone who u pick to stand up with u at your wedding be excited and want to help out with some things?  Yes.. I understand OP and why she is upset. I would simply sit down and ask them Do u want to be the MOH? I would tell them they arent obligated to do anything other than buy the dress, but that u only want them to stand by u if they want to be there, not if they feel lke they have to be there.. Dont make a bigger deal out of it than u have to because no one is going to worry about who is where in your wedding party, they are going to be focusing on you. Good luck !!

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:88830fdd-0caa-4bf6-861f-d324cea4f9f0Post:31e81e5a-71ec-4b8d-aed0-50c4ef8b3970">Re: MOH hell...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm actually confused. If you've asked nothing of them, then what are they so anxious about?  Putting a dress and walking down the aisle?  There's literally nothing else to being a MOH.  You need to talk them and figure out what they are so concerned about then reassure them that the job isn't anywhere near what they are thinking (because it shouldn't be), rather than tell them they are no longer MOHs. <strong> I feel like half of this story is missing.
</strong>Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

The bolded.

Unless your sisters tend to have severe anxiety on a daily basis normally, I do not get why they are so anxious and nervous about being MOHs.

Maybe, OP, you are putting off an attitude towards your sisters because of their lack of involvement.  I am not saying that you are doing it on purpose but maybe you are doing it subconciously and because of that they are very anxious about saying or doing anything because they are afraid you may snap at them.

But I really think you are missing the overall point that the other posters have made.  Instead of focusing on replacing your sisters and "asking them to step down" you need to take them to lunch and tell them that you spoke with your Dad and that you do not want them to feel anxious or stressed about anything.  You asked them to be your MOHs because you love them and wanted to honor them with that title.  Tell them that you do not expect anything from them but to buy the dress and show up looking pretty on the wedding day.  Make sure to emphasis that point.

In regards to the shower thing.  You can have more than one shower.  You don't have to sit around and wait to see if your sisters will host one.  If you want to accept a shower from someone else that is perfectly fine to do.  From the conversations that you have had with your sisters it seems that they really aren't into the whole wedding planning/pre-wedding party things.  They have their own lives and are busy which is perfectly acceptable becasue no one should put their lives on hold because of your wedding.

Talk to your sisters.  Then move on with your wedding planning.

brielleinlove

OP, I don't understand why this is such a huge deal.  If you don't normally talk to your sisters much, why would you expect them to suddenly be all chummy just because you are engaged?  If you want someone to get excited about looking at hairstyles or picking bridesmaid gifts (which DON'T all have to be the same, by the way), choose a person who has demonstrated interest in these things.  It doesn't have to be someone in the wedding party, and it definitely doesn't have to be your sisters.<div>
</div><div>You sound like you had a lot of expectations for your wedding party (likely built up by sites like The Knot and other places that play to the wedding industry) and are now disappointed that they aren't living up to them.  I'm sorry that you are feeling that way, but it's time to understand that the only duties your sisters have are standing up with you at the altar, that they just aren't going to get excited about wedding planning, and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  Your wedding will never be as important to them as it is to you.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA:</div><div>
</div><div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:88830fdd-0caa-4bf6-861f-d324cea4f9f0Post:c25913e5-e759-4ce7-ada8-63a2255de4b8">Re: MOH hell...</a>:
[QUOTE]Do they have to do anything to help with the wedding? No.. Would it be nice to have someone who u pick to stand up with u at your wedding be excited and want to help out with some things?  Yes.. I understand OP and why she is upset. <strong>I would simply sit down and ask them Do u want to be the MOH? I would tell them they arent obligated to do anything other than buy the dress, but that u only want them to stand by u if they want to be there, not if they feel lke they have to be there.</strong>. Dont make a bigger deal out of it than u have to because no one is going to worry about who is where in your wedding party, they are going to be focusing on you. Good luck !!
Posted by Mandaw0515[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>Please, please do not follow this horrible advice.  It will make you sound accusatory and angry, and will likely only upset your sisters further.  </div><div>
</div><div>Also, you should not pick your wedding party based on who will be excited to do these things with you.  I'm not having a wedding party, but if I did, my MOH would be my best friend and I can guarantee you she would have absolutely no interest in looking at hairstyles on Pinterest or going shopping for accessories.  Know why?  She's just not that kind of person.  She is my dearest friend in the whole world, but these things don't interest her.  That's okay!  It doesn't mean she loves me any less, or that she shouldn't be my maid of honor.</div>

renegade gaucho

Why on earth do you need help using pinterest?

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:88830fdd-0caa-4bf6-861f-d324cea4f9f0Post:9e4cc68c-02a2-418d-a892-5bdfc1fedd03">Re: MOH hell...</a>:
[QUOTE]ha! nice one, beardownbchs, i'd like to see your credentials-- judging people like you're God or or Santa Claus or something... just looking for advice here-- not hatred. this is supposed to be a harmless place to seek additional perspective-- NOT persecution. "report abuse" button, here we come.
Posted by christinab123[/QUOTE]

Report abuse, really? Twice I gave you good, honest advice and twice you responded with, "me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me MEEEEE!!". So I gave you crappy advice that would apply to you and your bridezilla mindset.

Maybe your sisters have so much anxiety because you are so defensive and focused on yourself. Have you spoken to them about anything except your wedding recently?

Oh, and your sister is right - a clutch is a crappy bridesmaid gift. Anything that is to be used for the wedding (getting nails done, jewelry) is a gift to you, not them.

Mandaw0515

 ETA: In Response to  Re: MOH hell... : Please, please do not follow this horrible advice.  It will make you sound accusatory and angry, and will likely only upset your sisters further.   Also, you should not pick your wedding party based on who will be excited to do these things with you.  I'm not having a wedding party, but if I did, my MOH would be my best friend and I can guarantee you she would have absolutely no interest in looking at hairstyles on Pinterest or going shopping for accessories.  Know why?  She's just not that kind of person.  She is my dearest friend in the whole world, but these things don't interest her.  That's okay!  It doesn't mean she loves me any less, or that she shouldn't be my maid of honor.
Posted by brielleinlove[/QUOTE]

Where did I put that she had to pick her party based on who is excited?? I said it's nice to have a friend who is there and is excited about u getting married. I dont know what kind of family or friends u girls have, but I feel sorry for u all. My MOH who is my cousin know's she is not expected to do anything other than buy the dress. She ended up buying me magaizines in the first couple months so we could look at them and get some ideas, she also volunteered to make candy favors and baskets along with some other bridesmaids for my shower. Another bridesmaid of mine is making all the favors for my wedding, personalized mini wine bottles. All this and not once did I ask or make them feel they need to do anything for me. I guess Im blessed to have the friends and family I do. So in response again I understand why OP is upset, not because she should be, but because she is human.. My advise is not horrible, maybe to someone who thinks less of her friends than she should, but I would NOT want my MOH to stand next to me if she did not want to be there.   

misssunshine17

You lost me at buying clutches for your BMs, that's a crappy gift. 

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:88830fdd-0caa-4bf6-861f-d324cea4f9f0Post:d6e71a28-f034-4594-87fa-1f7a7afc5a90">Re: MOH hell...</a>:
[QUOTE] ETA: In Response to  Re: MOH hell... : Please, please do not follow this horrible advice.  It will make you sound accusatory and angry, and will likely only upset your sisters further.   Also, you should not pick your wedding party based on who will be excited to do these things with you.  I'm not having a wedding party, but if I did, my MOH would be my best friend and I can guarantee you she would have absolutely no interest in looking at hairstyles on Pinterest or going shopping for accessories.  Know why?  She's just not that kind of person.  She is my dearest friend in the whole world, but these things don't interest her.  That's okay!  It doesn't mean she loves me any less, or that she shouldn't be my maid of honor. Posted by brielleinlove[/QUOTE] Where did I put that she had to pick her party based on who is excited?? I said it's nice to have a friend who is there and is excited about u getting married. I dont know what kind of family or friends u girls have, but I feel sorry for u all. My MOH who is my cousin know's she is not expected to do anything other than buy the dress. She ended up buying me magaizines in the first couple months so we could look at them and get some ideas, she also volunteered to make candy favors and baskets along with some other bridesmaids for my shower. Another bridesmaid of mine is making all the favors for my wedding, personalized mini wine bottles. All this and not once did I ask or make them feel they need to do anything for me. I guess Im blessed to have the friends and family I do. So in response again<strong> I understand why OP is upset, not because she should be, but because she is human..</strong> My advise is not horrible, maybe to someone who thinks less of her friends than she should, but I would NOT want my MOH to stand next to me if she did not want to be there.   
Posted by Mandaw0515[/QUOTE]

I had two girls in my bridal party.  One was my sister who lives in Texas and the other is my best friend who lives 10 minutes from me.  Neither of them did anything for my wedding.  My sister came dress shopping and my best friend did nothing.  Was I upset because of this lack of involvement and excitement?  Heck no.  I understood that they have their own lives and that they are busy with other things.

But to get all butt hurt over the fact that her sisters aren't jumping up and down and talking wedding all the time is a bit ridiculous.  Her sisters have their own lives and maybe they just aren't interested in wedding stuff.  Not everyone is.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  Just because they aren't showing excitement during the wedding planning process does not mean that they aren't happy or excited for their sister to get married.