Maid Of Honor Dilemma

Klarso713

How should I choose my maid of honor - longtime best friend doesn't seem to want to do it?

I am planning a wedding for this summer and need to choose a maid of honor and bridesmaids.

My best friend (call her Alice) from middle school and I have grown apart during college, though we live together now and have repaired our friendship a bit. I still consider her one of my best friends. Growing up, I always assumed she would be my maid of honor. 
When I came to college, I grew close with another girl (call her Megan) who I came to consider my other best friend. She is also getting married this summer, and I am her maid of honor.

I love them both equally and they both mean a lot to me, so I planned to ask Megan (who will be married before me) to be my matron of honor and Alice to be my maid of honor. However, I feel conflicted now, an am not sure if I should ask Alice to be my maid of honor. She doesn't support my upcoming marriage and isn't very happy for me. She thinks I haven't been dating my future husband long enough and thinks I am not ready to get married. Megan does support my marriage and is very excited for me. I plan to go wedding dress shopping soon and invited them both to be a part of it. Megan plans to come, but Alice is acting wishy-washy and seems to be trying to find a way to get out of it. I don't think she wants to help me pick out a dress. I suddenly have a sick feeling about asking her to be my maid of honor. Do I want someone who doesn't want to be involved in this to be recognized as my maid of honor? Yet, she's my best friend, and I feel like she'd be hurt if I didn't ask her. 

Advice?

itzMS

Alice doesn't sound like one of your nearest and dearest any longer.

Doesn't sound like a "friend" to me.

You might want to take her out and talk about non-wedding things and see what's wrong (only if you want to save the friendship).

Personally, I wouldn't give the time of day to anyone who outwardly admits to disapproving of my marriage.

princess pop

I'd ask "Meghan"

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-dilemma-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:88a138ea-e485-45c6-8e58-5650f10c60bcPost:516708cf-21f0-4ea1-9a82-2882d30ef527">Re: Maid Of Honor Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]Alice doesn't sound like one of your nearest and dearest any longer. Doesn't sound like a "friend" to me. You might want to take her out and talk about non-wedding things and see what's wrong (only if you want to save the friendship). <strong>Personally, I wouldn't give the time of day to anyone who outwardly admits to disapproving of my marriage.
</strong>Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

I've actually lived this. My BFF and I got eachother through law school, two bar exams, breakups, family illnesses, and countless other things and she could not accept that my now DH and I started communicating about three years after our breakup that left me devestated.  I loved her but she is the last person in the world I would ever take relationship advice from since she looked for ways to sabatoge her relationships and was of the general opinion that all men were a$$holes.  She was pissed that when deciding whether to get back together with now DH, I had asked the advice of my mom, aunts and married friends but not her.  I had always thought that she would be my MOH and we don't even speak anymore.  I can't say I'm sorry for that because I realized what a toxic person she was.

Sierra524

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-dilemma-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:88a138ea-e485-45c6-8e58-5650f10c60bcPost:d9db808d-8399-4cc5-b6d1-369d16d45c93">Re: Maid Of Honor Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]Any woman in your bridal party is there because she wants to stand by you as you get married.  That said, if Alice does not want to stand by your side and support you in your marriage, she has no reason to feel hurt if you don't ask her.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

This exactly. If she isnt supportive, why have her by your side on that day?

AddieCake

If you even have to question whether or not you want her as your MOH, you have already answered your own question. 

slgirl21

If "Alice" is already questioning why your getting married, I don't think she is a good friend to you, unless your future husbands is mean to you, friends should be there for you and be happy that you've found the person you want to spend your life with,if your not confident about your friendship with her and are questioning yourself, then I think you know the answer to this question. I would have "Megan" as your matron of honor and choose your bridesmaids and invite "Alice" as a guest. You can try talking to her as well to see if there is anything borthering her and just be honest with her about what she is doing is hurtful to you. GL

Jen4948

If "Alice" can't put aside whatever reservations she has and be supportive of and happy for you, it really doesn't make sense to me to ask her to be in your wedding party.  It definitely sounds like that's the case.  Maybe she's jealous or something, and if talking to her about her feelings doesn't clear things up, I think that the most you can reasonably expect from "Alice" is to show up as a guest.  Definitely don't have her in your wedding party in that instance.

Klarso713

Thank you for the advice everyone! 

I know I should ask Megan to be the MOH, and I plan to do so. I guess it comes down to me being hurt that Alice doesn't care to be involved. She's been my best friend for so long, and even though our relationship has changed in the past few years, I still feel very loyal to her. It's hard to see her not offer the same to me. 

jemmini6

This is completely out of curiosity, but how long have you and your FI been dating?

BAS19

I was and am still not the biggest fan of my MOH's Hubby, but I was her MOH. I stood by her and still do. You need to pick the person who you want to be your MOH. My MOH had myself and 3 BMs who were each her best friend at a different point in her life. I happened to be the closest to her at that point.

I picked her even though we stopped talking for about 3 years (due to issues with her H and I not getting along) because I couldn't imaging anyone else being right by my side. I love all my BMs but if I had to pick only one, she would be it.

Good luck!

ridedatbike

In Response to Re:Maid Of Honor Dilemma:[QUOTE]Pretend it's 3 am, and you need to get rid of a body.Who loves you enough to help, and keep her mouth shut afterward?That's your MOH. Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

I can't believe im the only one that absolutely died over this LOL