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Nursing MOH at Child Free Wedding

Thanks for all the advice everyone- I think I am going to talk about this with the wedding coordinator at the location to see if we can provide on site child care for the infants, which will help my MOH and any other guests with nursing babies.  I would prefer my MOH and other friends that are nursing be able to stay and enjoy the day without feeling torn that they should be somewhere else.

I appreciate the responses!

Re: Nursing MOH at Child Free Wedding

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    Infants are generally the exception to the adults only reception, at 4 months this baby will mostly be sleeping. I am in the same boat only my MOH will have a 2 week old (if she comes at all that is) Not to sound rude but you seem a little selfish in your post about the whole thing, sit back and look at it from your sisters POV I am sure she does not feel comfortable leaving the baby with a sitter or even doing rotating shifts with her husband just so you can have a baby-free wedding.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nursing-moh-child-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:890c6d7a-8cab-400b-ab81-4ca54b73d2b5Post:56351fa0-2719-45ac-82dd-56370abf1572">Nursing MOH at Child Free Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wanted to see if anyone has had a similar experience and could share some suggestions or advice.  My sister is my MOH and the only member of my wedding party on my side.  She recently surprised me that she is pregnant and having a baby 4 months prior to the wedding.  She is planning to be nursing the baby if all things work out well, but we are having a child free wedding and I am not sure how to balance this.  The wedding location is actually at an inn in the country about an hour away from the closest town and it was originally planned that our families would all stay for a 3 day, child free weekend.  She has suggested that she and her husband keep the baby there at the inn and rotate shifts caring for her during the wedding, but this was definitely not what I had pictured for my wedding day, that my sister only be present part of the day, and that a baby might possibly be making an appearance at the reception.  I have resolved that the wedding weekend we had planned will now include a baby at it, but I really wanted at least the wedding day to be child free.  My sister had an absolutely child free wedding herself, but now does not see that this would apply to my wedding day.  Any advice on how I can get really psyched about the change in plans?  Also, if I make an allowance for my sister to have a baby on site, then how do I handle any other newborns that come up between now and a wedding a year from now, for fairness purposes?  BTW- I even feel guilty writing this, as I am already an aunt and love my nephew, and know I will love my new niece, but just wish two important events were not overlapping in this way.  This is an important time in my sister's life right now as well, and I do not want to lose sight of that.
    Posted by ajones92211[/QUOTE]

    Nursing infants are the exceptions to child free weddings.  And, it sounds like your sister is trying to find a way to accommodate you.  You might want to try the same by not making this an issue.
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    I get being disappointed when your plans change. I do. But you need to get over that pretty quick because honestly, right now, you are sounding a little whiny. Of course your sister doesn't see why a child free day "wouldn't apply to your wedding" - she's going to have a baby. You can't compare her wedding and yours because you didn't have a baby on her wedding day. Life's not fair.

    I would tell her that having the baby at the ceremony and reception will be totally fine if that would be easier for her. Trust me when I say that it will. not. matter. on your wedding day. If the baby starts crying, I'm sure her husband will take it out. And again, it won't matter. This is one of those things that seems like a big deal now but just isn't. For the record, we were having a child-free wedding until a family member had a hissy fit, and we ended up having kids at our wedding last minute, so I'm speaking from experience.

    If other newborns pop up between now and your wedding, it would be a courtesy to allow them to attend since they'll likely be breast feeding, but if that would be a total catastrophe then I think it's fine to have made an exception for your sister and not for everyone else as long as you understand that the parents of those newborns will probably also stay home and miss your wedding as a result.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nursing-moh-child-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:890c6d7a-8cab-400b-ab81-4ca54b73d2b5Post:56351fa0-2719-45ac-82dd-56370abf1572">Nursing MOH at Child Free Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]  This is an important time in my sister's life right now as well, and I do not want to lose sight of that.
    Posted by ajones92211[/QUOTE]

    This would be the best plan.
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    I had an adults only reception with the exception of my nephews.  I would rather my sisters have a good time and not worry about what's going on with their children than force them to leave them at home or have to leave the reception.  We also got some good pictures with the kids.
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    Let her bring the baby.  My sister (MOH) will have a 3 month old and will be bringing my new nephew.  Our reception is also child free, but we weren't going to make her leave the baby
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    It's a totally legit exception and you shouldn't think twice about letting her bring her baby.  Anyone who would hold it against you is ridiculous.  
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    If anyone says anything about your sister's baby being there but their child not, just say "well I didn't think the 4-month old would get into the chocolate fountain as easily as a 6-year-old.  She's just too short."
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    I think it's fine to make an exception for nursing infants.  If you don't, then you're telling your sister to be your MOH but find a weekend sitter for the child - something rather unkind but also pushing her comfort level as a parent.

    What I'd do - understand that your wedding is a big part of your life but life happens to other people do.  Your wedding day will be a fantastic celebration and nothing can take away from that.  Be excited that there will be a new family member there to celebrate with you - and do what you can to keep your sister comfortable so that she's able to nurse her new child.
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    It's generally recommended that a newborn/breastfeeding infant is the exception to the no kids rule

    Many breastfeeding mothers cannot leave their children with a sitter, as would be the case with older children.  Suggesting that she can "just pump" and leave the baby at home is an ignorant suggestion on the part of the person making it, for several reasons.  1)  many women can't pump, period.  2)  unless you have an overactive supply, one cannot pump enough in a pumping session to cover one feeding.  3) if a mother is actively breastfeeding, she would need to either nurse or pump when the baby is supposed to be feeding.  It's much less PC for mom to hook her boobs up to a pump in the middle of a reception than it is to nurse a baby.

    There are usually two reasons that people cite for not inviting babies, and they both tend to be non-issues.
    1)  the baby will disrupt the ceremony.  In many cases, it's older children that are more at risk of disrupting a ceremony.  Sure, babies cry, but they also sleep 80% of the day.  If a baby does start to cry, many parents have the sense to remove them from the situation.
    2)  other guests will be offended if they see the baby there, but had to make other arrangements for their own kids.  Guests that have children of their own should understand why a breastfeeding infant would be an exception, and even if they do get pissy, they would have some nerve to address it.     

     Sure, you can hold fast to the "no kids" rule, but new mothers may not be able to attend.
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    megk8ozmegk8oz member
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    edited November 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nursing-moh-child-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:890c6d7a-8cab-400b-ab81-4ca54b73d2b5Post:56351fa0-2719-45ac-82dd-56370abf1572">Nursing MOH at Child Free Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]  My sister had an absolutely child free wedding herself, but now does not see that this would apply to my wedding day. 
    Posted by ajones92211[/QUOTE]

    Well, did any of your siblings or her WP members have babies that were nursing when <strong>she</strong> got married? I mean, if there were no nursing babies, why would she have had to worry about making exceptions to accommodate them?  That was then. This is now. And now, there is a nursing infant, so you should be willing to make allowances.

    Plus, while you may not like the compromise your sister is presenting you with: hello? She's presenting you with a compromise. And one that is way more than fair, I might add. She's not saying "If the baby can't come, then I'm not going" (Which actually wouldn't be a totally unreasonable response in her situation). You may not have "dreamed" of a wedding day where your sister appeared in shifts, but at least she's doing what she can to properly care for her child while still trying to make you happy. Be gracious of what she's trying to do for you here and cut her some slack. I guarantee that once you get through the ceremony and pictures, you are going to be so busy getting pulled in 12 different directions by all of your other guests, you're not even going to notice if she's popping in and out all not, and if the baby does make an appearance.

    And if at her wedding, there <strong>was</strong> a parent that was breastfeeding that she wouldn't allow to bring the nursing infant along, then she was a jerk for doing so ... and just because she did it is not justification for you to do so as well.

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    Thanks for all the advice everyone- I think I am going to talk about this with the wedding coordinator at the location to see if we can provide on site child care for the infants, which will help my MOH and any other guests with nursing babies.  I would prefer my MOH and other friends that are nursing be able to stay and enjoy the day without feeling torn that they should be somewhere else.

    I appreciate the responses!

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    You can talk with the coordinator but please remember that people may not want to leave their children with an unknown sitter.  And if your sister doesn't want to do that, please respect her decision.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nursing-moh-child-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:890c6d7a-8cab-400b-ab81-4ca54b73d2b5Post:ab8c52dd-cb70-4e67-aea0-82267d837c74">Re: Nursing MOH at Child Free Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for all the advice everyone- I think I am going to talk about this with the wedding coordinator at the location to see if we can provide on site child care for the infants, which will help my MOH and any other guests with nursing babies.  I would prefer my MOH and other friends that are nursing be able to stay and enjoy the day without feeling torn that they should be somewhere else. I appreciate the responses!
    Posted by ajones92211[/QUOTE]

    No way would I be leaving my 4 month old or baby of any age with a sitter I don't know.  Reread the posts and don't make this an issue.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nursing-moh-child-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:890c6d7a-8cab-400b-ab81-4ca54b73d2b5Post:ab8c52dd-cb70-4e67-aea0-82267d837c74">Re: Nursing MOH at Child Free Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for all the advice everyone- I think I am going to talk about this with the wedding coordinator at the location to see if we can provide on site child care for the infants, which will help my MOH and any other guests with nursing babies.  I would prefer my MOH and other friends that are nursing be able to stay and enjoy the day without feeling torn that they should be somewhere else. I appreciate the responses!
    Posted by ajones92211[/QUOTE]

    ajones:  I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you don't have children yet.  I know of few, if any, parents of tiny infants who would leave their children in a commercial facility with a stranger for a babysitter.  Your plan makes perfect sense to someone who hasn't had children.

    Here's my guess:  you can offer a room with a babysitter.  People will tell you thanks, but no thanks.  It's one thing to have a sitter for a 7 year old.  It's a whole 'nother ballgame to have a sitter for an infant.  Sorry
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    We had a child-free wedding.  My 5mo niece and MOH's 9mo daughter were both invited.  MOH had planned on leaving the kid with Grandma for the weekend, but that didn't pan out.  We were more than happy to accommodate the girls, and it didn't cause any issues at all.
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