Bridesmaid issues...

nktucker

My fiance and I are about 10 months out from our big day, and are working hard to plan everything together on a tight budget to still have things the way we've always hoped. However, I have one bridesmaid who seems to be trying to plan my wedding for me, and it is creating some tension. While it is great to have her be so enthusiastic, she constantly gets in touch with me, letting me know about things that she has volunteered to do, which we had no intentions of doing. Currently, she has emailed us both regarding doing a reading at the ceremony, when we had not planned on doing any readings. I want to have the wedding that I planned, without hurting her feelings. How would you resolve this issue?

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-issues-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:89bbaad5-0057-41b6-9272-e08ffaf75132Post:9c2cd56a-e7ce-48bb-94ae-97c8a8f9874a">Bridesmaid issues...</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are about 10 months out from our big day, and are working hard to plan everything together on a tight budget to still have things the way we've always hoped. However, I have one bridesmaid who seems to be trying to plan my wedding for me, and it is creating some tension. While it is great to have her be so enthusiastic, she constantly gets in touch with me, letting me know about things that she has volunteered to do, which we had no intentions of doing. Currently, she has emailed us both regarding doing a reading at the ceremony, when we had not planned on doing any readings. I want to have the wedding that I planned, without hurting her feelings. How would you resolve this issue?
Posted by nktucker[/QUOTE]

<div>First of all, stop talking about the wedding with her. If she brings it up, learn the art of what we on the Wedding Party Board like to call "bean dipping." She says, "Have you guys thought about chair covers for the reception?" You say, "Oh yeah, we have the wedding planning under control. Have you tried the bean dip?" or "Did you see 'Burn Notice' on TV last night?" And repeat as necessary. Just change the subject. She can only talk about the wedding if you let her.</div>

mbcdefg

"Thanks, but I think we're all set on [topic] for now. If I have anything I need help with, I'll let you know! I appreciate your enthusiasm."

trix1223

Learn to say no.  Then say it.

"Thanks for the offer, but we've decided not to have any readings".

"I appreciate your enthusiasm, but tucker and I aren't really interested in leaving the ceremony in a hot air balloon."

"It's so sweet that you want to share your ideas with us, but we have decided not to have a marching band at the reception."

"Gosh, I think you're more excited about our wedding than I am!  Let me run your idea for a butcher your own hog for dinner past tucker and get back to you."

PeonyPrincesskdd

She is probably just saying she wants to do a reading because she is assuming that you are doing readings.  Just inform her that your not doing readings.

Don't get upset over your friend.  She can make suggestions all she wants, but you don't have to follow her advice.

I really don't see the problem with this

Jelenny

op I am so there with one of my friends....

emily....so i have not talked wedding...however then she turns to the fi and/or anyone else.  i know she has great intentions but her suggestions well are more for her and when she would get married...i nicely have said "i am good, i am plucking away, thanks for the suggestions but i will let you know when i need help, etc"  she doesn't get it...i finally said in casual conversation since she just wanted to run and look at dresses (this is a mom and me venture) "T just let me plan my wedding...i promise you will be the first one i call when i need help." and she looked like i kicked her dog.  it's draining and i feel defeated but really right now i am good don't need any help (hell i have 13 months!)

CTGirl30

It's okay to be assertive in this situation while still being tactful and mindful of your friends' feelings.

Sounds like she's just overly enthusiastic but I agree you do need to find a way to strike a balance between sticking to your wedding plans and not letting her steamroll you into things SHE wants to see.

You can:

-say something to let her know you heard her but that this is your wedding, at the end of the day - "That's an interesting idea about me riding in on a pony. Thanks for your suggestion." And drop the subject. Change the subject. Steer the conversation away from wedding things and don't go back to it.

Just because she came up with an idea for a reading she wants to do, it does NOT mean to have to do it to spare her feelings. Your ceremony is a very personal thing for you and your FI to work out the details of. It's perfectly okay to say, "That's a neat idea, but FI and I have our ceremony planned out with our officiant and we're not including any readings."  (If you actually like the reading she's shown you, you could suggest she read it at the shower or RD if she'd like, though. But don't feel steamrolled into doing anything you don't want to do just b/c one of your BMs brings it up).

banana468

Ditto the others.  It's perfectly fine to tactfully tell her no.