Small wedding party = big problems?

amareeh

We're thinking we'd like to have a really, really small wedding party, as in a maid of honor and a best man. Then we decided we need ushers, so he suggested my brother and his brother, leaving his sister out completely. My mother then says my brother's girlfriend needs a role, but I really don't know her at all.

I know a lot of people suggest other friends/ family members can do readings and that sort of thing. What if one plans on the shortest ceremony possible? Should I just deal with the fact that some people's feelings will get hurt?

erollis

Brothers Girlfriend does in no way need any roll in the wedding other then guest. You and your Fi don't sound like you are close to Brothers Girlfriend so everyone can be hapy she is a guest. Being a guest is a great roll to have because you are sharing in the love and joy of the happy couple. 

As for Sister I think being a reader would be appropriate (you ask and she can always decline if she wants). Since all other siblings are included in the wedding as Ushers. It would help keep the peace and Sister would feel included. She could read a short poem instead of a scripture verse since you don't want a lengthy ceremony. 

Kate61487

I think asking his sister to do a reading could be a really nice gesture, but the brother's gf definitely does not need a role.  Sure, someday she could be your SIL.  She could also, someday, be a distant memory.  If you're not close to her you shouldn't feel obligated to include her.

You could also ask his sister to be an usher-ette, since all the other siblings appear to be ushering.  She could wear whatever she wants in the wedding colors, there needn't be any pressure to put her in a BM dress.  That way you're including all the siblings without adding any length to your ceremony.

mbcdefg

The thing with the brother's girlfriend is just ridiculous. You don't need to include her.

I can understand the point about the sister being hurt if she's the ONLY sibling not included. I would ask her to be an usher, too, or ask her to do a reading or something. Or maybe give a toast at the reception. At the very least, get her a corsage and have her seated during the processional and include her in your program if you're having one.

If you didn't already ask these people to be ushers, then I would suggest possibly reconsidering the idea all together. Do you really "need" ushers?

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_small-wedding-party-big-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8c19e4ef-0e8c-4a0f-997c-54f044632ebdPost:e45f9196-3da0-4338-aa57-d4f06bfeb32c">Re: Small wedding party = big problems?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Small wedding party = big problems? : Just out of curiosity, why would you recommend specifically not having ushers, malpha? 
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I'm assuming that the Best Man and MOH are not siblings, since it wasn't mentioned. So IMO it opens up a can of worms to bring in the two brothers as ushers since it'll leave out the sister (unless she's the third usher).

I've just never personally been to a wedding where they've been necessary. We probably had 100 people at our ceremony in a large church ... our Best Man stayed in the back room with the priest and MH until the ceremony started, and our single groomsman (my brother) showed a few people to their seats and then escorted my mom in the processional. My MIL is deceased, otherwise MH or my FIL could've escorted her to her seat, and our only surviving grandparent is my grandmother who wasn't really feeling up for walking in a processional anyway, otherwise I probably would've asked an uncle or cousin to escort her.

I'm not saying that this girl shouldn't have ushers at all, I'm just suggesting that she <em>consider</em> not having any if they're not needed and it'll just leave the question of how to include the sister. I know that siblings aren't owed a spot in the bridal party just because they're siblings, but my personal opinion is that it should be an all-or-nothing thing if you're going to include some of them (unless there'a a very good reason why they shouldn't be included).

eureka30030

You def. don't HAVE to include the brothers girlfriend. I was a guest at my soon to be brother in laws wedding last year, and my man- the grooms brother- was the best man. I did not expect to have a "job" in the ceremony or reception, and just did my best to help out where I could- (setting up their cupcakes on the stand, holding items for the photog, sprucing up the guys before the ceremony & pics, cleanup, making sure tuxes & gowns made it home). The bride & groom (as well as the family) really appreciated having someone extra to help out without having to stress over it, and I didn't feel like anyone was trying to "fit me in" or "make a place" for me. Me & my man have been together for nearly 7 years, and while we have known for at least 3 of those we wanted to get married finances just werent available. I doubt the gal expects to be anything at the wedding other than a guest. . 

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_small-wedding-party-big-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8c19e4ef-0e8c-4a0f-997c-54f044632ebdPost:2e4cb8da-cc4b-47e8-ad5c-29be239608fa">Re: Small wedding party = big problems?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hm, maybe it's a regional thing or a thing of the past?  Lol.  The ushers stand at the end of the aisle and ask 'bride's side' or 'groom's side' and after you tell them, they take your arm and lead you to a seat.  Your H/Fi/SO walks behind the usher.  Yeah, awkward.  If it is a thing of the past then thank god.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

Yup, I've been to a couple of weddings like this and I agree it feels antiquated and awkward.

amareeh

Thanks for all the advice!

My brother's girlfriend LOVES weddings, so she might actually be more excited if she was more of an assistant coordinator than actually in the wedding.

I don't think we really need ushers either, but he wants to see my brother in a tux. I am not sure how his brother got a role and not his sister as he isn't particularly close to either. 

His sister is the sort of person whose feelings get hurt pretty much all the time, she'll be hurt if we don't ask her to do something and then complain if we do. 

I suppose the number one thing I've learned about weddings so far is it is impossible to make everyone perfectly happy.

laughingalot1618

We are also having a small bridal party.  We decided that it was easier than having a larger group, more people were going to get upset if we had more than our four friends.  We are having our best friends and our friends that have been there and helped through our relatioship as our bridal party. 

As for family members I'm having my brother read a poem aloud and gave my fi's family a chance to do something similar.

For your brother's gf I wouldn't worry about it.  You can include her in some of the shopping trips and rehersals but other than that don't worry about it. 

Don't stress too much about your bridal party, just include the people that are exceptionally important to you and your FI. 

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_small-wedding-party-big-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8c19e4ef-0e8c-4a0f-997c-54f044632ebdPost:63538906-a745-4a6b-8623-d8b57815895b">Re: Small wedding party = big problems?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for all the advice! <strong>My brother's girlfriend LOVES weddings, so she might actually be more excited if she was more of an assistant coordinator than actually in the wedding. </strong>I don't think we really need ushers either, but he wants to see my brother in a tux. I am not sure how his brother got a role and not his sister as he isn't particularly close to either.  His sister is the sort of person whose feelings get hurt pretty much all the time, she'll be hurt if we don't ask her to do something and then complain if we do.  I suppose the number one thing I've learned about weddings so far is it is impossible to make everyone perfectly happy.
Posted by amareeh[/QUOTE]
Word of caution: I've done this, and it's a metric buttload of work.  I volunteered to do it for a friend's wedding (she didn't have a DOC and I was toying with the idea of pursuing a business in events, I wouldn't have been invited otherwise because she had a tight budget and big families), and the only time I got to sit for 10 hours was driving between venues.  I inhaled my lunch standing up in the kitchen and only hit the dance floor to encourage people to get back out after spotlight dances.  I enjoyed it because I offered, but if someone had asked/appointed me for it, I would have been pretty torqued that I couldn't just enjoy the wedding.

If it's just a couple of little tasks here and there that you need some help with, it's not bad to ask her (and be sure to thank her afterward).  But if you're talking full-on coordinator stuff, it's better to just hire someone who won't be wishing that they could just be enjoying the party instead.

rayna7679

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_small-wedding-party-big-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8c19e4ef-0e8c-4a0f-997c-54f044632ebdPost:cc5383f8-0bb3-40ac-87d6-03f92cc39245">Small wedding party = big problems?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're thinking we'd like to have a really, really small wedding party, as in a maid of honor and a best man. Then we decided we need ushers, so he suggested my brother and his brother, leaving his sister out completely. My mother then says my brother's girlfriend needs a role, but I really don't know her at all. I know a lot of people suggest other friends/ family members can do readings and that sort of thing. What if one plans on the shortest ceremony possible? Should I just deal with the fact that some people's feelings will get hurt?
Posted by amareeh[/QUOTE]<div>
 Stay with ur small wedding party ushers are good include his sister in a reading or  ushering also the brother gf guestbook attendent or no role as a guest only. i have issues of my own i'm dealing with so I feel ya.</div>