Am I the crazy one here?

Athsea

One of my bridesmaids is pregnant, and due two weeks after the wedding. Yay for her and her husband, who is also in the wedding. The thing is, the baby is huge, and in the "go" position, so he could potentially be born any day. And while I'm perfectly ok with that, because I'll have a Godson, my friend is convinced that if he arrives early, she'll just bring him to the wedding. My wedding is next Saturday. So this child will be about a week old, at the oldest, if he's born beforehand, which his mother wants. My wedding is a 12 hour drive away from where they live. I could be wrong, but aren't you not supposed to travel with freshly hatched babies? Or bring them to overly crowded places with loud noises and germy people? She thinks it'll all be fine. I've all but flat out told her that she's not allowed to come if he's born early, for her safety and her son's. A newborn does not need to be traveling that far and be around that many people. And she just keeps saying, "I hope he's born in time for his Aunt B's wedding!"

I realize this could all be a non-issue if the baby doesn't come early. But my friend will bring her baby if he does. Am I being ridiculous, or is my friend on crazy pills?

emichele87

I understand your concern for your friend and her child, however if she wants to come to your wedding and bring her newborn she certainly can. Now it may not be an issue due to when to baby is born, but the new mom may also find out that riding in a car is not so comfortable after she has given birth. But no matter what you can not forbid her from being there (she is in WP) or beinging her newborn if she choses to do so. 

Lolagirl2012

Ditto PP.

My SIL just had a baby that was born a month early, but she would have been giving birth 4 days before our wedding had he been on time. It stressed me out (would he come, would she go into labor during cocktail hour, etc).

 I found that in the long run I had to ask myself, "Would you tell this friend what to do with their baby/pregnancy if it was not your wedding day?" Nope. Not even a little. Their kid, their body, their choice. It doesn't matter if it's near your wedding.

Outside of telling her that you understand when and IF she tells you she can't come because of the new baby's arrival, stay out of it and enjoy planning the rest of your day.

loca4pook

I wouldn't worry. She says all this NOW, but once that baby pops out, she will probably be like any other mother of a newborn and end up being scared of all the germs all on her own....She will be tired, worn out, and will likely change her mind on her own....I'd wait it out...... IT's all easy NOW for her to say "I will be there with baby in tow" but when she is feeling tired, fat, sore, and has a newborn baby that she adores and worships, it is likely she will change her mind.

I'd be more worried about a 12 hour drive if the baby is NOT born yet...that seems more risky to me....most doctors tell you not to travel that fatright before you are due..

jsarver14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-i-the-crazy-one-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8c4d3b98-cd06-43d2-9c59-91172ba0bc5ePost:8b7e05e6-e98b-44c0-be2d-6f8e903f22db">Re: Am I the crazy one here?</a>:
[QUOTE]Crazy? No. Well-intentioned, but appallingly rude? Yes, emphatically. It's likely that she WOULD need to bring the baby with her.  Whether she does so or not is HER decision, not yours. Pregnant women are not sick.  Birth is not an illness. Babies are not little glass creatures that break if you breathe on them.  Telling her she is "not allowed" (ALLOWED????) to come or bring the baby is (1) horrendously rude, (2) terribly presumptous (3) she's the parent, not you, and (4) over the top ridiculous. Actually, mothers AND their babies are more likely to get infections IN THE HOSPITAL.  Apologize to your friend, and be glad if you have a new life at your wedding as you begin your new life with your husband. P.S.  I wasn't even born in a hospital, and my mom loved to tell the story of the woman who cooed over me in the drugstore as she was buying diapers the next day.  She asked how old the baby was, and mom said, "36 hours."  The lady about fainted.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

All of this. I'm a labor and delivery nurse and it drives me UP A WALL when people try to parent for the parents. If they want to travel 12 hours with their new bundle of joy, let them. Honestly, you should feel beyond lucky that you have a friend who is willing to 1. push a baby out of her body, then 2. travel 12 hours to be at your wedding. Most new parents would rather sleep and love on their new family addition than sit in a car for 24 hours round trip.

Call your friend and apologize, thank her for agreeing to be a part of your big day, then have a great time at your wedding.

aerinpegadrak

I went out to dinner with my MOH and her husband and daughter the night they brought her home from the hospital.  This was at a point where she wanted to sleep so much that they had to annoy her awake to feed her, so she was passed out the whole time, and everyone in the restaurant cooed over how tiny and cute she was.

Your friend may decide that she can't handle it after all, but that decision is hers and hers alone.  You are unbelievably out of line here, and unbelievably lucky she didn't tell you to go screw yourself when you pressed the issue.  I'd start groveling hardcore if I were you.

[Deleted User]

If I were in your position I would be like that would be wonderful but let her know that if the baby comes early and she doesn't feel up to the trip or the responsibilities of being a bridesmaid, you totally understand and will not be offended if she decides to step down at the last minute because her health is important. But if she feels fine & the baby is doing good, then you can't wait for them to share in your day with you. And maybe start thinking of who is coming that you can ask to be watch the baby during the ceremony should she still feel up for being a bridesmaid. I'm sure with how close her due date is to your wedding you were already prepared for the possibility of her not being there if she went into labor early.

One thing to check in advance, if you've rented a limo that day to transport your bridal party, you may want to call them about car seats. Since most limo's don't have seatbelts some won't allow kids that need carseats because they can't be secured. Others require that the parent signs a waiver. This way if she does come with the baby you aren't caught off guard as you're trying to all load into the limo.

calliopeia2013

Unless you are your friend's pediatrician (not just A pediatrician, but HER pediatrician), you are completely out of line.  Completely and unbelievably so.  Nobody should be ordering new parents about what to do with their children except their doctor.

kmmssg

Yeah, unless you magically got a medical degree, who on Earth are you to tell her what she is and isn't allowed to do with her baby?  Yeah, well intentioned, but as retread said, appalling rude.

Call her and apologize.  I can't imagine a 12 hour car ride right after delivery, but that has to be her decision.  My dad had a heart attack when my son was 6 days old and was scheduled for emergency surgery the following day.  I live 300 miles away.  We went for the 7 day checkup and my Dr had no problem with me traveling at all, but warned to take it slow and hit rest stops minimum every 2 hours so I could walk, stretch, keep the blood moving in my legs.

I just don't understand how you feel you can make decisions about her and her baby's safety better than she can.

renegade gaucho

You sound bossy.  Why do you think you get to make decisions for other people.

FWIW, my friend's sister and her husband brought their two-week old all the way from Israel so they could attend my friend's wedding.  It was fine.

LauraJean317

Sorry people have been so harsh in their choice of wording, but I do agree. When I came home with my daughter, I went shopping the next day (Had no choice. Needed diapers.). Women can handle things after having a baby.She may not stay for the entire Reception, but she'll probably be there for the ceremony and all the important parts. Babies are tough, too. They can handle germs. If she does deliver early and decides to make the trip, be supportive. Don't think like a Bridezilla - she's not ruining your day; she wants to support you.

It may be different if you specifically said in your invitations "no children" but I wouldn't worry. She may not even deliver early. 
I had a friend who was due a week after her sister's wedding and went into labor at the Reception. Not a big deal-they just leaft a little early. Life happens. Just think of the story you'd be able to tell in the future!

Don't stress so much. The little things tend to drive a bride crazy with worry, but everything usually turns out great on your day.

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-i-the-crazy-one-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8c4d3b98-cd06-43d2-9c59-91172ba0bc5ePost:5032537f-47fc-4ab1-a3ba-27bb26473803">Re: Am I the crazy one here?</a>:
[QUOTE]She gets to make decisions for other people because she's the BRIDE kmmssg.  Dur.
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

<div>What was I thinking?</div>

LizM61409

My mother brought my then 7 day old sister to a germ-infested swim meet. She turned out alright. I'd actually be more concerned about your bridesmaid traveling 12 hours away at 38 weeks than anything else... she might wanna scope out a local hospital and figure out directions ahead of time just in case

jsarver14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-i-the-crazy-one-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8c4d3b98-cd06-43d2-9c59-91172ba0bc5ePost:1f667386-0d1f-45de-a684-817f7f139fe4">Re: Am I the crazy one here?</a>:
[QUOTE]My mother brought my then 7 day old sister to a germ-infested swim meet. She turned out alright.<strong> I'd actually be more concerned about your bridesmaid traveling 12 hours away at 38 weeks than anything else... she might wanna scope out a local hospital and figure out directions ahead of time just in case</strong>
Posted by LizM61409[/QUOTE]


This is an excellent point.

Cryssteen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-i-the-crazy-one-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8c4d3b98-cd06-43d2-9c59-91172ba0bc5ePost:5f4b7dc5-ae1b-4e55-9989-91395bca6ee6">Re: Am I the crazy one here?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Am I the crazy one here? : Did a degree in medicine come along with that ring on your finger? You're not "allowed" to tell other people what to do with their babies.  Even if you are a bride.
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm actually a nurse.  I wouldn't recommend bringing a child out of the house prior to vaccinations at 1 month - IF mom is choosing to have the child vaccinated. </div><div>
</div><div>OP - Let her do what she wants.  Personally, I wouldn't WANT to travel 12 hours with a newborn who's breastfeeding anyway.  But, if she wants to, eh.  Let her.  It won't impact your day.  It's actually very sweet of her to be so excited for your wedding.</div>

banana468

FWIW, my pedi's office doesn't vaccinate until 2 mo as recommended by state guidelines.

DD was still brought to Christmas at 3 weeks and she began daycare unvaccinated in the height of cold and flu season. 

That said OP, while you have great intentions this isn't your choice.    Just tell her you'll roll with whatever she chooses.

acaponi87

Babies are not hatched.

Meghannsix

I get that you're probably just trying to be concerned for your friend, but please, please, please don't lecture her about things you do not know about.  I'm a nurse, and a mother, and while it's probably not ideal to be lugging around a newly born baby, it can be done.  My son was born on the Saturday before Easter, and we made it to two different holiday dinners the next day, I had him at the grocery store later that week, because hey, we needed food!  My grandfather died three days after I was born, so my mother, the luckiest girl on the planet at the time, got to fly from Dallas, TX to Pittsburgh, PA with a four day old me, and then do it all again a few days later.  Not ideal, but she managed.  Your friend's a big girl, let her make her own decisions.

lagonza

It isn't recommended you bring your little bundle of joy anywhere right away, and a wedding will be a tricky place to avoid germs.

My guess is that she's excited for you and doesn't want to back down from her committment.  She'll probably change her mind, as he'll come out and she'll want to shield him from the world.  Who knows.  Hopefully, it's a non-issue.

You may need to say something like "it would make me feel better if you and baby didn't attend the reception.  I'd never forgive myself if he got sick" or something.  You can't control her, but you don't need to be worrying about him, either.

You don't sound pushy to me; you just don't want anyone to be harmed.

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-i-the-crazy-one-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8c4d3b98-cd06-43d2-9c59-91172ba0bc5ePost:12a2cbe2-117a-4567-a5bd-0fe07b8aa657">Re: Am I the crazy one here?</a>:
[QUOTE]Your friend has likely been bombarded with unwanted advice and criticism throughout her pregnancy.  People think pregnant women need to be parented, and lose the ability to think for themselves at conception. Please don't annoy her with more of this.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]


THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS

Pregnant woman are huge targets for the general public to bombard with unwanted advice. Total strangers will ask them if they plan to breastfeed, will touch them, and will tell them they are doing things wrong, before they are doing them.  It's maddening, obnoxious, and hurtful.

Please don't be one of those people.  Be a shelter for your friend, she'll love you for it.

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-i-the-crazy-one-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8c4d3b98-cd06-43d2-9c59-91172ba0bc5ePost:1c789360-a1e6-476a-8bd7-1e7bd879e6b9">Re: Am I the crazy one here?</a>:
[QUOTE]It isn't recommended you bring your little bundle of joy anywhere right away, and a wedding will be a tricky place to avoid germs. My guess is that she's excited for you and doesn't want to back down from her committment.  She'll probably change her mind, as he'll come out and she'll want to shield him from the world.  Who knows.  Hopefully, it's a non-issue. You may need to say something like "<strong>it would make me feel better if you and baby didn't attend the reception.  I'd never forgive myself if he got sick" or something. </strong> You can't control her, but you don't need to be worrying about him, either. You don't sound pushy to me; you just don't want anyone to be harmed.
Posted by lagonza[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I absolutely disagree with this.  As most everyone else has said, OP needs to butt out and let this woman make her own decisions.  It would sound ridiculous for OP to try to "take the blame and never forgive herself" if her friend decides to attend.

</div>

mcda04

My FSIL asked me to be her MOH 7 years ago when she got married and I declined because I was supposed to be 38 weeks pregnant at her wedding, and I didn't know if I'd be in labor or having issues.  Our baby came a few weeks early but we still attended the wedding, she was fine. Don't make these kinds of decisions for your friend. She's a grown woman and if she says she's ok then let it be.