Bridesmaid Dilemma!!

krepine91

Ok I have MOH and two bridesmaids. My MOH dont seem to understand that she actually has a serious job to do and NEVER gives me any opinions or seems to even want to listen to me. My second bridesmaid is getting married the year after I do and seems to only care about her stuff and never wants to come over and help me with my stuff. My third bridesmaid is super hard to ger a hold of, she never has her phone on her and her new husband (who for some reason hates me and my husband to be) doesnt know about her being in the wedding and wont tell him. How can I get my MOH to actually care to listen or give me opinions, how can I get my second bridesmaid to drop her wedding stuff for mine just for a couple hours, and finally should I consider replacing my third bridesmaid due to shes gonna lie to her husband and shes never around or can never get a hold of??
Signed by one crazy bride to be...

ftrmrsw

I'm going to warn you.... 

This post will not be well received. Everyone will tell you your wedding party doesn't have to do anything but show up on the day of in the dress of choice.

tlc35

This is all because they have their own lives and your wedding is not the most important thing in their lives, nor should it be. They have done nothing wrong!

Darbie914

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:a9a32c06-0e4e-42bc-b9e1-84a32ed97f03">Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok I have MOH and two bridesmaids. My MOH dont seem to understand that she actually has a serious job to do and NEVER gives me any opinions or seems to even want to listen to me. My second bridesmaid is getting married the year after I do and seems to only care about her stuff and never wants to come over and help me with my stuff. My third bridesmaid is super hard to ger a hold of, she never has her phone on her and her new husband (who for some reason hates me and my husband to be) doesnt know about her being in the wedding and wont tell him. How can I get my MOH to actually care to listen or give me opinions, how can I get my second bridesmaid to drop her wedding stuff for mine just for a couple hours, and finally should I consider replacing my third bridesmaid due to shes gonna lie to her husband and shes never around or can never get a hold of?? Signed by one crazy bride to be...
Posted by krepine91[/QUOTE]

<div>First of all, being your MOH or a Bridesmaid in your wedding is not a JOB.  It is a way to HONOR someone who means alot to you and you want by your side when you get married.  The only things required of your girls is to wear a dress, show up sober, and stand by your side when you get married.  THAT IS IT.  They are not obligated or required to plan any parties (shower or bachelorette), help you stuff envelopes, or put your favors together.  In addition to that, they are not required to run around with you doing wedding errands or giving you opinions on what color napkins you should have.</div><div>
</div><div>Your wedding is important to YOU.  It is not the most important event in anyone else's life but yours and your FI.  If you value your relationships with them, you should check the entitled bride attitude at the door now before you cause some serious damage.</div><div>
</div><div>And unless you're ready to end the friendship completely, you don't kick someone out of your wedding.  End of story.</div>

Summer2011Bride

Ditto the other posters. Honestly once you realize they are not your hired help and instead are people you are HONORING by giving them these titles, your life will be a lot easier and you will keep them as your friends (hopefully). If you act as bratty around them as you sound on here, I don't know if the latter will be true.

jennyd412

Bridezilla. That is all,

Meghannsix

Holy fluck, your wedding isn't until Aug. 2014.  Please, slow your roll, or even you'll be tired of your own wedding by then.  Listen to all PP's, they gave you good advice.

JoanE2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:a9a32c06-0e4e-42bc-b9e1-84a32ed97f03">Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok I have MOH and two bridesmaids. My MOH dont seem to understand that she actually has a serious job to do and NEVER gives me any opinions or seems to even want to listen to me. My second bridesmaid is getting married the year after I do and seems to only care about her stuff and never wants to come over and help me with my stuff. My third bridesmaid is super hard to ger a hold of, she never has her phone on her and her new husband (who for some reason hates me and my husband to be) doesnt know about her being in the wedding and wont tell him. How can I get my MOH to actually care to listen or give me opinions, how can I get my second bridesmaid to drop her wedding stuff for mine just for a couple hours, and finally should I consider replacing my third bridesmaid due to shes gonna lie to her husband and shes never around or can never get a hold of?? Signed by one crazy bride to be...
Posted by krepine91[/QUOTE]

When you're having all these issues with all these people, it's time to take a good, hard look in the mirror. 

No one is obligated to do anything for your wedding.  If you want or need something, either you or your FI should do it.

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:a9a32c06-0e4e-42bc-b9e1-84a32ed97f03">Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok I have MOH and two bridesmaids. My MOH dont seem to understand that she actually has a serious job to do and NEVER gives me any opinions or seems to even want to listen to me. My second bridesmaid is getting married the year after I do and seems to only care about her stuff and never wants to come over and help me with my stuff. My third bridesmaid is super hard to ger a hold of, she never has her phone on her and her new husband (who for some reason hates me and my husband to be) doesnt know about her being in the wedding and wont tell him. How can I get my MOH to actually care to listen or give me opinions, how can I get my second bridesmaid to drop her wedding stuff for mine just for a couple hours, and finally should I consider replacing my third bridesmaid due to shes gonna lie to her husband and shes never around or can never get a hold of?? Signed by one crazy bride to be...
Posted by krepine91[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm starting to love these ridiculous posts.</div><div>
</div><div>What exactly is this "serious JOB" you speak of? Did you interview for these positions and review resumes? Sounds like you should have. Most people offering "serious JOBS" do theri research before hiring some guy off the street. Did you discuss compensation? How can you expect your bridesmaids to take their "JOB" seriously if you're not paying them accordingly? How dare these women not drop everything in their entire lives for your one day. Clearly you need to fire them all and put an add up on monster.com so you can find women to wipe your ass for you.

</div>

ridedatbike

I suggest lurking

misssunshine17

Okay, bridezilla. Seriously, slow your roll. You're pushing away the people who are closest to you because you have your crazy pants on. There's nothing any of you should be doing for a wedding that's this far away. It's your wedding, you and your FI plan it. 

AddieCake

You should kick those b!tches out and replace them with me. I currently have tons of time on my hands and love wedding talk. I will totes drop everything for you. 

Sierra524

Ahhh! I am having the same problem! and I dont think your a bridezilla. I know everybody says that the bridesmaids have to do is show up, but I really believe that they should help you. What I did was give each of my girls an assigned duty. We are taking it step by step...first I gave them all tasks for the bridal shower. After that, it will be the stag. One of my bridesmaids told me that the reason she wasnt helping was because she didnt know exactly what I needed help with. Maybe if you communicate with them about things they can help you with, if they have time, they will be more willing.

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:4af3fc92-4f4d-4891-a71a-912e8c8f4b92">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ahhh! I am having the same problem! and I dont think your a bridezilla. I know everybody says that the bridesmaids have to do is show up, but I really believe that they should help you. What I did was give each of my girls an assigned duty. We are taking it step by step...first I gave them all tasks for the bridal shower. After that, it will be the stag. One of my bridesmaids told me that the reason she wasnt helping was because she didnt know exactly what I needed help with. Maybe if you communicate with them about things they can help you with, if they have time, they will be more willing.
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I really hope you're kidding here. You <em>gave them tasks for the bridal shower</em>?!?!? Do you even have any idea about how horribly rude this is? Showers are a gift to you. Other people throw them for you. You don't really have any say at all except for the date and the guest list. Same goes for the bachelorette party. You're terribly rude. </div>

JaxInBlue

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:4af3fc92-4f4d-4891-a71a-912e8c8f4b92">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ahhh! I am having the same problem! and I dont think your a bridezilla. I know everybody says that the bridesmaids have to do is show up, but I really believe that they should help you. What I did was give each of my girls an assigned duty. We are taking it step by step...first I gave them all tasks for the bridal shower. After that, it will be the stag. One of my bridesmaids told me that the reason she wasnt helping was because she didnt know exactly what I needed help with. Maybe if you communicate with them about things they can help you with, if they have time, they will be more willing.
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

Please don't follow this advice.  I understand where you are coming from.  There's a lot of misinformation that promotes the myth your bridesmaids should be default wedding planners with you.  That's just not true.  PPs are correct: you and your FI should the primary planners and DIYers of your wedding.  Don't get me wrong, when people volunteered to help with tasks, DH and I said yes and were grateful - but we waited for people to ask to help and usually with something specific.  You need to do that, especially since your wedding probably won't be on anyone's radar for awhile.  Bring your ideas and excitement to your FI and to the Knot.  The community here will be glad to listen and help.

I'd take a step back from the wedding stuff and get together with your friends.  Have a girls night, go to lunch, watch some movies, but bring your friendship back to what it was before you asked them to join you on your wedding day.

And please remember that no bride should throw her own bridal shower.  You have some input on date/time and guest list, but you absolutely should not be planning it.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:4af3fc92-4f4d-4891-a71a-912e8c8f4b92">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ahhh! I am having the same problem! and I dont think your a bridezilla. I know everybody says that the bridesmaids have to do is show up, but I really believe that they should help you.<strong> What I did was give each of my girls an assigned duty. We are taking it step by step...first I gave them all tasks for the bridal shower. After that, it will be the stag. </strong>One of my bridesmaids told me that the reason she wasnt helping was because she didnt know exactly what I needed help with. Maybe if you communicate with them about things they can help you with, if they have time, they will be more willing.
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

<div>I would like to know what the duties are and why you are having anything to do with organizing your own shower. Is the stag like your bachelorette party? I also would like to know what the duties for that are and again why you'd be involved in the planning of it. </div>

Blue_Bird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:a9a32c06-0e4e-42bc-b9e1-84a32ed97f03">Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok I have MOH and two bridesmaids. My MOH dont seem to understand that she actually has a serious job to do and NEVER gives me any opinions or seems to even want to listen to me. My second bridesmaid is getting married the year after I do and seems to only care about her stuff and never wants to come over and help me with my stuff. My third bridesmaid is super hard to ger a hold of, she never has her phone on her and her new husband (who for some reason hates me and my husband to be) doesnt know about her being in the wedding and wont tell him. How can I get my MOH to actually care to listen or give me opinions, how can I get my second bridesmaid to drop her wedding stuff for mine just for a couple hours, and finally should I consider replacing my third bridesmaid due to shes gonna lie to her husband and shes never around or can never get a hold of?? Signed by <strong>one crazy bride to be</strong>...
Posted by krepine91[/QUOTE]

At least you're honest with yourself.

Peledreamsofrain

I call MUD.  First post on the boards, and it's mindlessly selfish?  I care about humanity too much to believe this person is real.

beardownbchs

Oh god..I was nosing around in OP's profile and found this as one of her favorites: 

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/bridal-party/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx

No wonder so many brides have their heads in their asses. 

jennyd412

Is that article a joke? My MOH keeps telling me to ask her to do more. I haven't asked her to do anything and will accept her offer to help when it comes to addressing invitations. The only task I delegated was to my sister (Bridesmaid) who helped me pick out the invitations. I was hesitant because they require some assembly, and I am awful at being crafty. My sister said "Get them, I'll put them together" We jokingly said that was in her "contract" I can't even imagine "delegating tasks" in a serious manner. Unbelievable.

lpowers1118

TROLLING

ajuled87

Wow. reading some of these are a little rude. I believe that your bridal party should WANT to help with your planning. Not deciding important things but to be there as another perspective instead of just you and your FI. Maybe talk to them and ask what they are willing to help you with. If your wedding isnt until aug of 2014 id take the time to talk to your bridal party get their input on what they can do. Alot of the things you can do yourself get ideas and dont need help. yes having a second third and maybe fourth opinion is good but its nothing to stress over if they dont want to help. If that is the case dont give them a say in the dresses they have to wear. Good luck

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:24bcd1fb-f663-4985-9a96-dedcfc699c79">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow. reading some of these are a little rude. I believe that your bridal party should WANT to help with your planning. Not deciding important things but to be there as another perspective instead of just you and your FI. Maybe talk to them and ask what they are willing to help you with. If your wedding isnt until aug of 2014 id take the time to talk to your bridal party get their input on what they can do. Alot of the things you can do yourself get ideas and dont need help. yes having a second third and maybe fourth opinion is good but its nothing to stress over if they dont want to help. If that is the case dont give them a say in the dresses they have to wear. Good luck
Posted by ajuled87[/QUOTE]
Why?  Do you always help your friends plan and put together their parties?  It's nobody's job but the happy couple to plan their wedding.  It's certainly not the job of the bridesmaids.  Believe it or not, not everyone with a vagina is all SQUEEEEE!!!!!! about planning somebody else's wedding.

slgirl21

You need some new friends. I haven't picked all of my WP, I did ask my BFF of 20 years to be my MOH and she has taken on the role very well, I don't even ask her to do anything and she has called places for me, and has made a list of things she needs to do and goes places with me and ask me every week when do you wanna meet up to talk about weddings. I know that BM's don't have to do anything, but if you have really great friends, they should want to help you or at least be there to bounce ideas off, they don't have to plan your wedding but should give opinions if your iffy on ideas. I have another friend who I am thinking about asking she's all about helping me plan my wedding, askes me how is going and wants to come with me and my mom to try on wedding dress. your other bm who is planning her wedding is probably focused on her day, do you ask her how her planning is going? Maybe the two of you could go places together to look for ideas for both of your weddings, that should be able to bond you two together. I know its exiciting and all but don't talk all about weddings to your friends, ask them about there lives once in a while. be warn if you do ask a bm's to step down the friendship will be lost.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:a9a32c06-0e4e-42bc-b9e1-84a32ed97f03">Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok I have MOH and two bridesmaids. My MOH dont seem to understand that she actually has a serious job to do and NEVER gives me any opinions or seems to even want to listen to me. My second bridesmaid is getting married the year after I do and seems to only care about her stuff and never wants to come over and help me with my stuff. My third bridesmaid is super hard to ger a hold of, she never has her phone on her and her new husband (who for some reason hates me and my husband to be) doesnt know about her being in the wedding and wont tell him. How can I get my MOH to actually care to listen or give me opinions, how can I get my second bridesmaid to drop her wedding stuff for mine just for a couple hours, and finally should I consider replacing my third bridesmaid due to shes gonna lie to her husband and shes never around or can never get a hold of?? <strong>Signed by one crazy bride to be...
</strong>Posted by krepine91[/QUOTE]

Wow did you hit the nail on the head with that statement.

Sierra524

I cannot believe how some of you girls react to things. So what, you dont agree with me? Thats cool. Im sure you all did things the way you want, and Im doing the same. No need to say that we are being rude and being bridezillas. I believe that your bridal party should def want to help you. & the reason I had to assign my bridal party "tasks" is because none of them have ever had to do these things before, so they were all a little lost. The stag is not the same thing as the bachelorette party. A stag n drag is like an all day picnic that you charge people $5 to get in and its all you can eat and drink. Its a way to help earn some money for the wedding. people in my area do them all the time. I go to like 1 stag a week in the summer. As far as the "duties" I have assigned, I simply told two of the girls they are in charge of decorating, two of them are in charge of the invites, rsvps, and games, and then two are in charge of providing the food & drinks. Other than that, I am staying out of it. Like I said, I had to give them some direction because they didnt really know what to do.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:82fb523f-55b4-4275-9ff9-561b97ae198f">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I cannot believe how some of you girls react to things. So what, you dont agree with me? Thats cool. Im sure you all did things the way you want, and Im doing the same. No need to say that we are being rude<strong> </strong>and being bridezillas. I believe that your bridal party should def want to help you. & the reason I had to assign my bridal party "tasks" is because none of them have ever had to do these things before, so they were all a little lost. The stag is not the same thing as the bachelorette party. A stag n drag is like an all day picnic that you charge people $5 to get in and its all you can eat and drink. Its a way to help earn some money for the wedding. people in my area do them all the time. I go to like 1 stag a week in the summer. As far as the "duties" I have assigned, I simply told two of the girls they are in charge of decorating, two of them are in charge of the invites, rsvps, and games, and then two are in charge of providing the food & drinks. Other than that, I am staying out of it. Like I said, I had to give them some direction because they didnt really know what to do.
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I did things the way I wanted them within the confines of social etiquette so as not to embarrass myself or alienate my friends or family. </div><div>
</div><div>Your bridesmaids STILL don't HAVE to do those things. </div><div>
</div><div>If you're being rude, there most certainly IS reason to say so. </div><div>
</div><div>And now there's a fundraiser involved?!  You're asking people to pay for your wedding. I used to be on the fence about those if they were a custom in a foreign country, but now I know they are not a custom, just something SOME people do, and that doesn't make it ok. 

</div>

Sierra524

Everybody in my area has a stag n drag. Its weird if you dont. It gives people who are not invited a chance to come hang out. And $5 for all you can eat and drink? cant beat that.

misshart00

In Response to Re:Bridesmaid Dilemma!!:[QUOTE]Everybody in my area has a stag n drag. Its weird if you dont. It gives people who are not invited a chance to come hang out. And 5 for all you can eat and drink? cant beat that. Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

Something I'm genuinely curious about: If your guests pay 5 for all you can eat and drink, how does the couple make money? It's seems like it would cost significantly more than that to feed them.

TheVirginians

Stag and drag aside, the bridesmaids are not there to help you, Sierra. I just cannot fathom why you gave your nearest and dearest tasks. You hire people for tasks. Do not use friends.

Sierra524

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:adc13457-3418-4187-885c-0ad513fd5eb5">Re:Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bridesmaid Dilemma!!: Something I'm genuinely curious about: If your guests pay 5 for all you can eat and drink, how does the couple make money? It's seems like it would cost significantly more than that to feed them.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

You keep the food cheap...hot dogs, hamburgers, potato salad, etc. Picnic food. & you get cheap beer. && you sell a ton of tickets. You sell tickets to everybody and anybody. During the stag, we will have other things going on...beer pong tournament ($10 a team to enter & winners get half), selling jello shots & raffling off baskets and such. The goal is to keep cost low so you can make money. My friend made $3000 after her expenses