Wedding Party

Future Sisters-in-Law as Bridesmaids

My fiancee and I want to keep our wedding party small.  So far I've only asked my sister and college roommate to be my bridesmaids (my sister is the MOH), and he's asked his 2 best friends to be groomsmen.  The problem is, my fiancee also has two sisters and a brother.  His brother is in Afghanistan and may not be back in time for the wedding, so my fiancee isn't asking him to be a groomsman.  But I feel that I should still ask his sisters to be bridesmaids, even though I'm not close with either of them.  I know he doesn't want me to because he and his older sister don't get along (and I can't ask one and not the other).  It's his family and I don't want to interfere, but I also don't want them to feel like I'm slighting them.  What should I do to maintain good relationships between everyone?

Re: Future Sisters-in-Law as Bridesmaids

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    Ideally everyone is an adult and should be able to handle themselves.  I mean it's not like she won't otherwise be at the wedding so how does her being BM really change anything?  So I'd ask her if you want to.  Your FI doesn't get veto power unless she did something really egregious that would keep her away from the wedding and kick her out of the family.  I think it's wonderful that you want to ask the sisters.

    Your FI should still ask his brother, even if he can't make it.  Just as a gesture of brotherly love, you know?  
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    First of all, you have a fiance, not a fiancee.

    Your WP=yours to choose.
    His WP=his to choose.

    If you want to ask the sisters, ask them.  He doesn't get to choose your party.   It's just that simple.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    You're under no obligation to ask his sisters.  Believe it or not, sometimes people appreciate just being a guest at a wedding.   Perhaps they can do a reading or something else meaningful - not a job like passing programs. 
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    Don't feel obliged to ask them if you don't want to.  You don't HAVE to ask them.  It would be a nice gesture but only you can decide if you want to. Based on what you wrote, though, it seems like you've already got the bridal party you wanted and adding them would be too many (since you are having a small wedding.) and they are not close to you anyway.  You can try including them in your wedding other ways.  

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    At this point, I wouldn't ask them since you're not close to them and he doesn't seem keen on the idea. DH has 2 brothers and a sister and we ended up not having any of them in our WP. I asked his sister to be a BM because I thought it was the nice thing to do, but she said no. And DH figured an "all or none" inclusion of his siblings would be the most fair, so he didn't ask his brothers. None of them seemed disappointed to be excluded, so it was fine.
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    If you include them in the BP, remember that they will be included in other things as well, i.e. bachelorette party, bridal luncheon, toasts (?), showers. Now, they may opt out of those things, but if neither you nor your fiance is set on asking them, find other ways to include them.
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