Experience as a personal attendant.

harper0813

Should a personal attendant (and the PA's significant other) be invited to the rehearsal dinner?

I ask this because I was a PA in my college best friend's wedding. I was glad to help her, but I found it to be a cheap, "you're good enough to run errands for me but not good enough to be my bridesmaid" sort of role - as I know you all believe as well. I arrived on the Friday before the wedding, having driven 5 hours into another state, in order to get to the florist early the next morning, and I had not been invited to the RD. I thought maybe it was a budget thing, but I recently learned that the groom's entire extended family was invited. Needless to say, I feel pretty slighted.

This stung then and it still stings now, and I have stopped reaching out to her (because of the wedding and because of her general negligence as a friend). I attended her wedding shower and I spent two hours setting up her wedding reception after running morning errands for her. And now that I'm getting married, I feel this major urge to break all rules and invite her to my shower(s) (yes, she invited me to two of hers) in a total tit-for-tat way and stick her at a table full of annoying people. But because I have common sense and a conscience, I will not, of course. But it's funny to think about.

All that being said: should I have been invited to the rehearsal dinner? And am I insane to be hurt?

Simply Fated

I think that by not inviting you to the dress rehearsal was a huge slight and a slap in the face.

I have never heard of asking a friend to be a personal attendant until I came here.
I don't get the point of a personal bridal attendant. I don't mean the paid kind that usually comes with the venue. I mean the "friend" who is strategically asked to be the free labour.
You need help getting dressed? Ask a bridesmaid. Or a friend. Or your mom. Or pretty much anyone. There is no need to create a title for it. You need a bottle of water? Ask a bridesmaid. Or a friend. Or your mom. Or pretty much anyone. There is no need to create a title for it. It's a title that was literally created to signify that this person's job is to be the bride's personal unpaid worker. How is that an honour?

kmmssg

She treated you horribly! I agree that it is time to find a new friend and let her disappear into your past. It would be a real shame (wink, wink) if she ended up at "that" table for your reception...just sayin.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_experience-as-a-personal-attendance-and-the-aftermath?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:93a5de19-ca8f-4706-9e02-2658f9039ff5Post:ccbb00ff-3323-40e0-8178-0354faf76398">Re: Experience as a personal attendant.</a>:
[QUOTE]She treated you horribly! I agree that it is time to find a new friend and let her disappear into your past. It would be a real shame (wink, wink) if she ended up at "that" table for your reception...just sayin.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

I'm not understanding why any woman thinks it's a treat to ask a friend to be an unpaid assistant for the day.

Your friend was wrong.  Big time.

SomethingBeautiful08

If this was more recent, i.e. a few weeks ago, I would have been tempted to send her a bill for $100 maybe $200, explaining that since you treated me as hired help that you expect to be paid as such. 

Peledreamsofrain

Can we sticky this post? We try and try and try and try to tell women that making their friends PAs is seriously not nice, but they almost never believe us. Pleeeeease?

penguintina

I was one of my friend's personal attendants a couple of years ago and, like the OP, felt like I was just cheap labor to be taken advantage of under the impression that it was "an honor" (because doing things like getting up early after working late the night before and driving over an hour to take pictures of other people getting their hair done and making sure that the room she got ready in and the room she had her pre-ceremony snack in were clean is totally my idea of a good time and a good way to treat a friend...). I always joked that when I get married I will return the favor and make this same friend my personal attendant and treat her the way she treated me. Of course, I would never do that because I'm a much nicer person than that but it is so tempting. Although, I don't know that this friend has any clue about how crappily she treated me because she asked me a couple of weeks ago if she could be my personal attendant... Oh, revenge would be so sweet...

Gumby68

I've been a personal attendant twice, and both times I was invited to the rehearsal dinner. I never once felt like I was unpaid help because pretty much everything I did was offered by me. I never once had to go run errands or do anything else that a wedding coordinator should do. I got ready with the wedding party, and I went along for all of the wedding photos. 

Due to other circumstances, I would not have been able to be a bridesmaid at either wedding, and I was incredibly honored to be included in a way that I was able. I was also treated very well by both of the brides. 

I loved that I was able to assist with the little things, and the best part was giving the brides a hug just before I made sure they looked perfect so they could walk down the aisle. 

I completely understand why people hate the idea of personal attendants based on the stories I hear on here. My personal opinion is that personal attendants are perfectly fine IF it's done right. A personal attendant is NOT unpaid labor or a wedding coordinator, and they should NOT be treated as such. 

I will have a personal attendant at my wedding, but she asked if she could do that instead when I asked her to be a bridesmaid because she said she feels like the character from 27 Dresses because she's been in so many weddings. She's from out of town, so there is no way I would ever consider asking her to go to the store for supplies or pick up food or coffee because she won't know where she's going, and it's not her responsibility (it's mine). I may even have a second personal attendant, but she also requested to be one. 

Anyway, I wanted to give the opinion from the side of someone who was actually treated correctly as a personal attendant. I think there are too many uppity brides that get the wrong idea of what a personal attendant is supposed to do, and wind up treating their friends like crap (then again, the same thing happens to bridesmaids and maybe someday that will be seen as a crappy job too).