FSIL intending to give birth 1 week before my wedding

lovebug4456

I'm not mad at her. I'm actually very happy at the idea of being an Aunt. My concern / vent comes from her "plan".
She's not my fiance's sister. She is my fiance's brother's wife. She is a teacher. We are getting married July 2011. She has told some mutual friends (not me) that they are wanting to give birth at the end of June 2011, so she will get an extra 2 months of mat leave at the end (12 months June to June and then since she's a teacher, she will get the July August before she has to go back)

It's a good idea, but I can't help be very annoyed at the fact that there is a high chance now that she could miss the wedding, and she doesn't care. It's worse because my fiance's parents passed away, and all he has is his brother, and now his brother might not make the wedding if she's in labor.

I'm not mad at her, just annoyed. She always has to have the spotlight on her, she's a generally selfish person (if you read my other questions you will get a sense of the things she has done and said to me). I agree that babies are more important than just 1 day, but it's just upsetting to me that it means more to her to suck 2 months extra mat leave, then to be at our wedding. 

Am I over-reacting, or is she planning a gutless thing?

bethsmiles

You are over-reacting. She may have a plan but nothing says that plan will happen. let it go. worry about it IF it even becomes an issue.

If she does happen to be preggo at that time then you will just have to deal. She probably has other reasons for wanting to extra months of maternity leave than just wanting to have the spotlight on her. You dont know what will work best for her situation and she doesnt have to plan her life around your wedding. And if she wants to give birth in june why would that affect your wedding in july? basically you are worrying about nothing right now because she's NOT pregnant right now and neither you nor she knows when she will be for sure.

CTGirl30

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_fsil-intending-give-birth-1-week-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:946d1f36-f31e-4f81-83e1-26380e02e2f5Post:5ee019e3-f2d6-49aa-aec1-9e2bc5177d3e">FSIL intending to give birth 1 week before my wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not mad at her. I'm actually very happy at the idea of being an Aunt. My concern / vent comes from her "plan". She's not my fiance's sister. She is my fiance's brother's wife. She is a teacher. We are getting married July 2011. She has told some mutual friends (not me) that they are wanting to give birth at the end of June 2011, so she will get an extra 2 months of mat leave at the end (12 months June to June and then since she's a teacher, she will get the July August before she has to go back) It's a good idea, but I can't help be very annoyed at the fact that there is a high chance now that she could miss the wedding, and she doesn't care. It's worse because my fiance's parents passed away, and all he has is his brother, and now his brother might not make the wedding if she's in labor. I'm not mad at her, just annoyed. She always has to have the spotlight on her, she's a generally selfish person (if you read my other questions you will get a sense of the things she has done and said to me). I agree that babies are more important than just 1 day, but it's just upsetting to me that it means more to her to suck 2 months extra mat leave, then to be at our wedding.  Am I over-reacting, or is she planning a gutless thing?
Posted by lovebug4456[/QUOTE]

She's not even pregnant yet. June 2011 is a year and a half away. Even if it is her plan with the timing, it may not happen as hoped for...with all that...I think you need to let go of this one for now. Also, this is your reaction on your FI's behalf - has he said anything about it? If he's not worrying about it right now, you don't need to be either. I get that you're thinking about him and being protective of his feelings since his parents passed away and of course it would be awesome to have his brother be able to attend his wedding but at this point (with no actual pregnancy and a bit of a ways off from the wedding) you're stressing yourself needlessly.

Also, you are contradicting yourself with this statement: <font size="2" color="#333333"> <em>I agree that babies are more important than just 1 day, but it's just upsetting to me that it means more to her to suck 2 months extra mat leave, then to be at our wedding.</em> 
Ask any new mother who has to go back to work after the birth of their baby and the vast majority of them will probably tell you they'd love those 2 extra months if it were an option. I doubt she's doing this with the intention of hogging the attention spotlight...you don't get a say in her family planning and how the timing may or may not affect other people's presence at your wedding.

</font>IF she does become pregnant and her due date ends up being very close to your wedding, do not make this about you & your FI's wedding...it's not going to reflect well on you at all. When the time comes, try to be supportive - of your FSIL and FBIL and their new addition to the family and also of your FI if he's upset about his brother possibly missing his wedding.
But again...cross that bridge when you come to it.

banana468

I think it's silly to be upset over something that she has minimal control over.

And I think your FSIL is a bit of a tool herself if she thinks she gets to choose WHEN she's going to give birth when she's not even pregnant yet.

Her statements should be met with laughter and nothing else.  :-)

SarahPLiz

Don't worry about it. People rarely get pregnant when they want to. Her life is not all about you and your wedding, sorry!

emilyinchile

Yup, you're overreacting. If I could figure out a way to get 2 months extra time with my baby, you can bet I'd do it, regardless of who was getting married. Wouldn't you?

Also, as PPs have said, even if she manages to time it all right, the odds that she'll actually be in labor on your wedding day are laughably slim. If she's super pregnant or has just had the baby, hopefully your FBIL would be able to at least make your ceremony on his own and then go back to be with his wife and baby.

swim1011

I wouldn't even worry about this.  Her chances of going into labor, or getting PG, exactly when she wants to are very low.  Yes, you're overreacting, but your SIL has a screw loose if she thinks she has any control over that.  Just wait and see what happens, and let it go.

trix1223

Wow.  Are you over-reacting about something that is 18 months away, may not happen, and over which no one has any control?  Yes, you're overreacting.

FWIW:  In this economy, getting 2 months of extra maternity leave time is awesome.  If someday, you are blessed with children, I promise you that you'll try to do the same thing.

Drop it.  You're being silly.

bablingbrooke

She says she intends to have a baby then.  It's a very hard thing to control.  DH and I can say that we want to have a baby in December 2012.  We can screw like rabbits all of Feb and March 2012, doesn't mean we'll be giving birth then.

She's trying to get under your skin and you're letting her.  Stop.  This is exactly what she wants.  

ohwhynot

I'd miss my own wedding if it meant an extra 2 months of maternity leave. 

But the odds are against it happening that way - so you don't really have to worry about it.   If it does happen, though, really she's making the right choice for her and her family and it wouldn't do for you to be hurt or upset by it.

MyNameIsNot

Ridiculous.

megandjay

ahahaha, babies do not come out when you tell them too! Don't worry, she will learn soon enough...

Just be happy for them- when they actually conceive that is.

shoegal715

Don't worry about it. My fiance and my fiance's family are all teachers, including his brother and my FSIL too, so for all I know they could be planning the exact same thing, since the way you write it sounds like a very smart idea. I'm also a July 2011 so who knows, maybe my FSIL will be 8 or 9 months pregnant at my wedding. She is also a bridesmaid, so maybe I will only have 3 instead of 4. Or who knows, maybe it will rain, or maybe I will be pregnant and go into labour on my wedding day, or maybe a meteor will hit the earth and I won't be getting married at all.

You have to look at the big picture here. Your wedding is just ONE day. It's such a slim possibility that your fiance's brother will miss the wedding. And if he does, then yes it would suck, but it really won't be that bad. He will still be there for your marriage. 

If your FSIL is attention seeking, then you are letting her rub you the wrong way by getting upset or even THINKING about this. It hasn't even happened yet! You have better things to worry about. 

Your FSIL is also very silly for going around telling people. People must think it's a little nuts if it's gotten back to you through friends. 

Smile and be happy for her if she gets pregnant, or else it will look bad upon you. 

Remember that no matter who's pregnant or in labour, it will still be one of the best days of your life.

pristinedemon

I'll give you a little credit here. You at least seem to understand that your question is potentially ridiculous and you seem to be open to the idea that you're overreacting. That's more than can be said for most posters around here. Kudos.

As for your question, don't worry about it. What are you really going to be able to do about it anyway? "Hey FSIL, could you guys put your life on hold so I my wedding can go exactly the way I want it?" See? Not much you can really do. Besides, like PP's have said, unless she's actually IN labor or gives birth the day of your wedding, it seems like your FI's brother should be able to make it. Just try not to let it get to you.

sstrot01

Don't worry about what the others say. There is a reason why you feel this way and you can't help feeling the way you do. Just try to work around it the best that you can and try to be supportive of her, because the birth of a new baby is an exciting time for her and the family too. I know how it feels though. The most important thing to keep in mind is that she is going to be your family. If she does become pregnant when she wants keep her and her feelings in mind. Whenever I talk to my FSIL about the wedding I always make sure to bring up something about the new baby. In this way she her feelings are acknowleged too. Family is a give and take situation.

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_fsil-intending-give-birth-1-week-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:946d1f36-f31e-4f81-83e1-26380e02e2f5Post:d355f7a0-3554-4cac-a610-d317c027307d">Re: FSIL intending to give birth 1 week before my wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Don't worry about what the others say</strong>. There is a reason why you feel this way and you can't help feeling the way you do. Just try to work around it the best that you can and try to be supportive of her, because the birth of a new baby is an exciting time for her and the family too. I know how it feels though. The most important thing to keep in mind is that she is going to be your family. If she does become pregnant when she wants keep her and her feelings in mind. Whenever I talk to my FSIL about the wedding I always make sure to bring up something about the new baby. In this way she her feelings are acknowleged too. Family is a give and take situation.
Posted by sstrot01[/QUOTE]

Yes. We're all idiots, except for you. Congratulations.

[Deleted User]

How dare she?!?!?!?!?!?

cukimerrydoll

It doesn't sound like she's doing anything as a personal front against you or your FH.  If she is able to get 14 months for maternity leave, that is WONDERFUL!  There are so many other reasons why that is a great thing.

Babies are expensive - the costs are ridiculous, and many parents on maternity leave still get some form of pay to offset those costs.  But daycare in the newborn bracket is between 2 and 3 times the cost of a toddler.  Those costs go down dramatically when a baby hits 12 to 16 months.  Those savings are very important.

It's definitely possible that if she has a baby around the time of your wedding, there will be an added "distraction."  But it has nothing to do with you.  I can understand where you're coming from in your frustration, but I can also see where your FILs are coming from in their planning.

suz62984

Yes, you are over reacting. I understand your concern for your FBIL to be at the wedding but you won't really know if he is going to make it or not until closer to the wedding. Who knows, she could give birth early or the doctors could advise her to wait. It's just to soon to tell if her "plan" is going to work. Don't stress about this because no one has control over it.

lisarose7

Considering she's not even pregnant yet, don't even worry about it.  Babies are rarely conceived or delivered according to their parents' plans, so even though she "plans" to give birth 2 weeks before the wedding, she could give birth 2 months before, 6 months after, the day of, or any number of other times.  Just relax and try not to think about it.