Semi-wedding related

lfritos

So Fi and I were very good friends with a couple that he has known since high school. They recently split up after dating forever... its been really hard on both of them, and we have tried to maintain our friendships with both of them. Both of them have been asked to be in the wedding party, before they split up. Well since this all happened, I feel like one of them, the one I was closest to, has been going back and forth acting like we are great friends to not that close.... and Fi keeps telling me that I should expect her to drop out of the wedding.

I have tried to be there for her, and I know its awkward for her because Fi is such good friends with her ex... but I don't want to lose her as a friend, and I'm not sure what to do. I'm caught between trusting the friend that I knew and feeling like she has decided to drop me as well..... 

I guess this is a little bit of a vent... If Fi is right and she drops out of the wedding, then it really sucks.....

banana468

I would make some "friend time" for that friend so she knows that you really do think she's a great friend.

Breakups are hard.  It's tough to figure out where things stand when you end a relationship.

All I'd do is focus on keeping her as a friend and hopefully everything else will fall into place.

stina93446

Yes it will suck if she drops out, but this really isn't a wedding issue. She is hurting mainly. Just try to be there like you're doing and hope for the best. Please don't replace her and don't kick her out either. If she doesn't show, she probably has a very good reason for it. Leave a spot for her as if she were there. It sounds like you're going about it i a good way though.

bablingbrooke

As you said, they "dated forever" and now they've broken up.  I don't know about you but that would probably make me feel weird too.  Especially if all my friends stayed friends with my ex.  And especially if it didn't end well.

I think you need to put the wedding issue on the back burner here and focus on your friendship.  She's going through a very tough period and some people take out their stress on the people they're closest to.  What your friend needs is a supportive friend who will help her through what has to be a tough period.  Even if she's the one who ended it, and even if it ended well.  I'm willing to bet her entire future has to be re-planned and if I were her, I would not be happy about it.

Your wedding isn't until July.  That's over 5 months away.  By then the wounds wont' be so fresh and she and her ex will likely be able to be in the wedding together like mature adults.  But please don't make any decisions about it just yet.  Let her feel her feelings.  She needs friends and it would be best for both of you if you were a friend first, bride a very distant second.

bablingbrooke

One thing I want to add: When I broke up with my HS/College BF during my senior year of college, it was amicable but also hard.  And it didn't help that all my college friends only knew me as part of "BrookeandBen" (not his real name), not as just myself.  One of my friends even said "I don't know you as a single person, it's like half of you is missing" (some friend, right?).  But I didn't know myself as a single person, and I was very different at 21 than I was at 16.  

Think of it as growing pains.  It could be that she has to figure out how to live her life without him, and that it's a rough transition.

lfritos

Thanks you guys, I think I'm trying to be there for her as much as she will let me. But that is becoming less and less, and that is why i'm getting anxious about it. It isn't about the weddding other than my Fi thinking she isn't gonna be there for me, and how the demonstrates what he thinks of her (which obviously isn't good, and obviously doesn't make my efforts any easier)... and I'm not even thinking about kicking her out or anything like that. I guess deep down I knew everything you said.... I just don't know how to keep pushing

bablingbrooke

Maybe a little bit of time and a little bit of space will help.  

stina93446

Yeah, just give her some time. She's probably hurting real bad right now and the last thing she probably wants to hear about is a wedding.

aerinpegadrak

All she needs is time.  You're doing exactly what you should, just continue to be supportive.  As long as you do that, the wedding stuff will work itself out.

lfritos

Thanks you guys! I'm sure you are all right.

katiewhompus

Could you get away with "we've already turned in our headcount and the venue won't allow last minute additions"?

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_semi-wedding-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:95814a2e-768a-4b85-ab3d-bfdf116dc714Post:c716c795-10b4-490c-b63e-cf6b58c0b0fd">Re: Semi-wedding related</a>:
[QUOTE]Could you get away with "we've already turned in our headcount and the venue won't allow last minute additions"?
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

<div>That would be a really insensitive way to approach the situation.  "Friend, I know you're taking this breakup really hard, but can you get over yourself for just a minute so I can let the caterer know whether they need to supply one more entree?"</div>

gottahavashorti

Brooke, I think this is one of the errors with the new format.  Posts have been showing up in the wrong threads.

bablingbrooke

My apologies then to katie!

Hate the new format.  Too many bugs.