Wedding Party

Usher who is upset about not being a groomsman... Help!

Hello all!
I have an usher who is somewhat upset about not being asked to be a groomsman.  He feels that he should have been in the line-up opposed to the person who "beat him out" as he calls it.  Pesonally, I wish he was a groomsman also, but in the end, it was my fiance's final choice.  
I want to make this usher feel important and valued during the wedding.  I really value his friendship, and sometimes find he is more of a friend than some of my bridesmaids at times.  What can I have him do to have a purpose and feel important?  
Thank-you!

Re: Usher who is upset about not being a groomsman... Help!

  • Agreed that if you want him in the party, make him a groomsman on your side. Don't make him a groomsman, though, just because he wants to be one. Otherwise you could end up with a very large wedding party, adding people whenever they're disappointed that they're not in there. :) If he would rather not be an usher, he can always just be a guest - nothing wrong with not having duties at a wedding!

  • If you want him to stand on your side, go for it. Otherwise he can always be a guest, which is an honor, too. You can maybe get him a boutonniere and take lots of pics together. TBH, I think of an usher as a runner up to groomsman, too. Some kids might get a kick out of it, but otherwise, it's a silly job.
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  • Why not ask him to do a reading at the wedding?  That's an honor.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited January 2013
    Other than groomsman/bridesman or reader, there's not much he can do to feel "special."  I agree about ushers being crappy jobs; my 17-year-old cousin was ours, and he seemed ok with it, but I'm certain he did it just to make me happy. We didn't even need an usher, but I had the whole "feel like I need to include him" moment. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Agreed with the "usher-is-a-crap-job" pp's.

    Any of DH and my guy friends hateeeee being an usher. They do it when asked, "just to make the bride happy", but none of them like it.

    If he's that important, include him as a bridesman. Uneven sides are just fine.
  • Man, I wish I'd read this before posting on my own thread!
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  • I can understand how people would feel that usher is a runner up groomsman position but I also think you can make it better by treating your ushers as truly part of the wedding party.

    We ended up with 2 ushers (1 male and 1 female) that were friends with my husband that he wanted to include but decided against having them stand up with him (and no it wasn't about the numbers, we also did have more groomsmen than bridesmaids). They helped greet and direct people to their seats before the wedding and they also brought up the bread and wine for communion.

    They both were invited to the rehearsal dinner, received equivalent thank you gifts as the bridesmaids and groomsmen, got ready/hung out with H before the ceremony, traveled with the wedding party, took pictures with us, etc. Basically, if you treat all your friends well and not as workers or the ushers as second class I think you are fine.
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Numbers don't have to be even.  Ask him to join your side of the party.
  • I'm a much bigger fan of the GM as ushers thing.   When there are ushers and GM it really comes across as some kind of consolation prize.

    Why can't he be a GM or on your side?
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