Letting maids pick their own shoes...?

HMM0519

My maids are wearing tea-length royal blue dresses for our August wedding.  After talking about it, my mom and I decided to go with silver shoes that they could all pick out themselves.  One of my maids has been showing me pictures of shoes that she likes and, frankly, I haven't liked any of them.  On top of that, I'm a shorty (5' 2"), she's got at least 4 inches on me already and the shoes she's been looking at would make her giant.

Would it be wrong to send them an e-mail guiding them in the right direction of what we're thinking of?  I don't wanna be a bridezilla, especially since they're paying for them and I want them to get something they like, but because the shoes are going to be visible, I don't think it's wrong to want the shoes to all look similar.

Thanks!

blackfire5th

No, you should not try to guide them.   You've asked them to get silver shoes, just leave it at that.  I don't like a lot of shoe styles, but that doesn't mean that style is bad, it's just not something I would wear.  You will not notice their shoes on your wedding day and it will be a minor detail when you look at photos.  A couple of my bm wore shoes that I didn't think were all that great.  I didn't notice until I was looking at photos and really looking at the shoes, but when I look at the photos, I'm not looking at their shoes.  I'm looking at each person and thinking about how much it meant to have them there and how great they all looked.

Don't worry about her being taller than you.  You are the bride and in the big white dress.  No one will outshine you on your wedding day.  If you are really worried, line the bm up by height with the shortest girl next to you and the tallest farthest from you.  You could also utilize some stairs and have the taller bm stand on the lower steps.

blackfire5th

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_letting-maids-pick-their-own-shoes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97651e63-f41b-4c76-97a4-5fc9c03068d8Post:238d2916-a44b-48bd-872a-cd8ab86b1caf">Letting maids pick their own shoes...?</a>:
[QUOTE]My maids are wearing tea-length royal blue dresses for our August wedding.  After talking about it, my mom and I decided to go with silver shoes that they could all pick out themselves.  One of my maids has been showing me pictures of shoes that she likes and, frankly, I haven't liked any of them.  <strong>On top of that, I'm a shorty (5' 2"), she's got at least 4 inches on me already and the shoes she's been looking at would make her giant.</strong> Would it be wrong to send them an e-mail guiding them in the right direction of what we're thinking of?  I don't wanna be a bridezilla, especially since they're paying for them and I want them to get something they like, but because the shoes are going to be visible, I don't think it's wrong to want the shoes to all look similar. Thanks!
Posted by HMM0519[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm 5'3'' and one of my bm is over 6ft and had really tall heels on.  Look at the photos in my bio, she doesn't look like a giant.</div>

blackfire5th

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_letting-maids-pick-their-own-shoes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97651e63-f41b-4c76-97a4-5fc9c03068d8Post:6f0cd770-3cf2-40cf-8cd4-93e38e4a19b7">Re: Letting maids pick their own shoes...?</a>:
[QUOTE]But if she asks my opinion and I don't like them, am I supposed to lie?
Posted by HMM0519[/QUOTE]

<div>Do you not like the shoes because you don't like the style period, or do you not like them because they don't fit into your "wedding style."</div><div>
</div><div>If it's the first, be honest and tell her they look stupid.  If it's the second, you can still be honest, but just say that it's not your style but you think they would look great on her.</div>

HMM0519

We actually haven't told them what we're doing for shoes yet; she was part of the initial conversation and is doing it on her own.

My concern is she keeps showing me shoes and asking if I like them.  Am I suppoesd to lie and say yes when I really don't?

lalap69

I'd be shocked if you even noticed what shoes your BMs were wearing on your wedding day.  Let them pick whatever shoes they like. 

And so what if your BM is taller than you?  Some people are tall, some people are short.  That's just how life is.  Don't dictate how tall they are allowed to be.

If it bothers you that much, maybe you should buy some stilts for under your dress.  Then no one will tower over you!

mbcdefg

If they're just not your style, but they're appropriate for the wedding, I'd say something non-committal like, "If you like them, then get them!" or "I can see that you love them, and I'm sure you will be so pretty."

If you don't think they'd be appropriate for the wedding (like if they're not formal enough to coordinate with the dress, or if they are super high and thin heels for an outdoor wedding or if you will be walking around a lot for photos), I would tell her why you think they might not work and then give her ideas of what WILL work.

jagore08

If you're worried about the "look" of all different kinds of shoes then look in my married bio.  They all have different shoes (a couple that weren't my style) and all but one girl is taller than me and they all wore at least 3" heels.  It's not a big deal.  Let them wear what they want to wear even if it's not your style.

deepcovejackie

You so won't notice shoes on your wedding party.  Let them get what they like.  It's nice of your BM to want your approval on the shoes, but they all don't need to match or be in the theme...

Mrs.B6302007

I agree with the others about letting them pick what they like and what's comfortable.
If you can't get past the looks of some of the shoes they pick, then YOU buy what you want for them to wear.

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_letting-maids-pick-their-own-shoes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97651e63-f41b-4c76-97a4-5fc9c03068d8Post:9f2389c8-3bf9-4908-85f2-8ea19375bc0a">Re: Letting maids pick their own shoes...?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with the others about letting them pick what they like and what's comfortable. <strong>If you can't get past the looks of some of the shoes they pick, then YOU buy what you want for them to wear.</strong>
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]
Sorry MrsB, I need to disagree with you there.  I don't think footwear should ever be dictated beyond colour and style as shoes are so important to comfort.  Not everyone can wear the same shoes or finds the same styles comfortable.

Mrs.B6302007

I don't think they should either. My point was the only way she can tell them exactly what to wear is to cough up the money herself.  It was more tongue in cheek.

ETA: you know how tone gets lost in translation on the interwebz?  Yeah. ;-)

lalap69

I'm worried she might actually go that far though.

I have bad feet, so I'm pretty passionate about the shoes issue. :P

ETA:  Just saw your ETA lol.  Definitely hear you on the tone issue.

Mrs.B6302007

When I saw your reply, I was like, "Lap's interacted with me enought to know that I don't support the paper doll BM thing.  Right?"  Then I realized that without the tone, the whole thing was lost.  It made sense in my head. ;-)

But to clarify, OP, definitely don't force them into certain shoes.  I actually think you're pushing it slightly by asking for silver when many people probably already have black shoes they can wear without having to spend more money.  No one will notice or care about their shoes except for the BMs themselves (and the soles of their feet and their backs.)

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_letting-maids-pick-their-own-shoes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97651e63-f41b-4c76-97a4-5fc9c03068d8Post:0a8c27f2-605d-4735-85bf-c0014ea2b1cf">Re: Letting maids pick their own shoes...?</a>:
[QUOTE]Mrs.B needs to go play on the If I Were Queen of the Universe thread.  I would be really interested to hear her rules.  :)
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I saw that this morning but I can't narrow down my kingdom to just 2 rules. :-)
I'll have to keep thinking and go do some more reading in that thread.

lalap69

MrsB, I got that you didn't support the BM clone army aesthetic, but thought you were throwing your hands up in the air and going "fine, if you want to be crazy about it, have it your way" and so kind of condoning it. :P

Almost all the women I know own both black and silver shoes already though, so I don't see an issue with requesting silver. 

megk8oz

Aside from requesting color, you really don't need to "direct" them. If you don't like what she's showing you, it's fine to say "If you like 'em, great!".

Shoes are very trivial, imo, nobody ever notices them, and honestly, day of your wedding, you're not going to notice them if your head's in the right place.

My BMs had actually picked out the same shoes completely on their own (All 3 of them found them on sale at a different Pay Less). For the life of me, I can't even tell you if they actually wore shoes that day. Seriously, they all could have been barefoot and I wouldn't have known.

As far as the height thing goes, that's just going too far. People who know you are aware that you're 5'2". No matter what shoes you stick your BMs in, that's not going to change. So why not just accept that you're short, she's not and that you're both allowed to wear shoes that you're both comfortable in?

Idk, maybe it's because aside from our RB, DH and I wear the shortest people in our BP, but I never understood the "As the bride, I need to look taller than people" mentality. My MOH is 5'10". Had I stuck her in flats, I still would have had to have worn 6 inch heels to even come close to that (Which: hell no!). Trust me, people are going to be thinking about how beautiful you look, not how short you look next to your BP.

emilyinchile

I feel you because at first I said "pick any gold sandals with some kind of heel...that look sort of like this." And then I spent a few days on here, realized that it didn't matter if I thought the particular style of shoe was ugly because I wasn't buying them, and sent a follow-up e-mail saying "actually, seriously, just pick any gold sandal you want. I'm sorry I was being a control freak before."

If she asks if you like them, just say that they look like they'll work perfectly. I promise you will. not. care. that you friend is wearing ugly shoes or that she's taller than you on your wedding day. And honestly, if you're 5'2", I'm guessing there'll be a lot of people there who are taller than you are (I'm 5'9" and like 3.5" heels), so there's no point stressing over that side of things.

spinner84

I agree with the others. If I were your BM paying for shoes, I'd want to get ones I'd wear after your wedding! Everyone knows you're short, you will still look short no matter what heels you wear, but it does'nt matter! You'll look great and no one will care about either of your shoes.

banana468

No one cares if your BMs are taller than you.

It's fine to specify a style and color if the shoe is a neutral.  Beyond that, just go with the flow.  As long as the soles aren't clear with a light up function or gold fish in them, just relax.