What is an "usher" and what does he do?

TKzilla

We have four bridesmaids, four groomsmen and four flower girls. It just kinda worked out that way. But my fiance has more friends that I think he'd like to include in the "wedding party". So, as the title suggests, I'm wondering what an usher is, and what he does. Does this person stand alongside my fiance at the altar, and does he also have a boutonniere? 

AddieCake

Yes on the bout, no on the altar. An usher escorts (ushers) people to their seats. 

itzMS

It really depends on your FI's circle of friends, but in my area, the guys feel that being an usher is kind of a "crap" job. Kind of like when brides name "honorary bridesmaids".

The ushers have to pay the money to rent/buy the tux/suit just to hand out programs and walk grandma to her seat. Lame.

FI should just ask them to be groomsmen if he wants them included. It's OK to have uneven sides!

TKzilla

I'm fine with uneven sides (it took me awhile to come to that, just by the way!) It's just that we decided our best friends/family were going to be in the wedding party because we knew if we didn't set a limit, it'd get out of hand. So we agreed on four each. His sister, my brother and our three closest friends each. The flower girl thing was just coincidence. 

It would be nice though, to have someone to escort our three grandmothers to their seats, since none of them will be attending with a husband. That's assuming, of course, they will feel comfortable with walking down the stairs and through the sand to their seats.

Our plan is to have the guys in ivory shirts, grey slacks and vests and possibly a tie coordinating with the bridesmaids' dresses. Pretty casual. I think I'm going to force FI to go to Men's Warehouse and try it on so we can get an idea of what it'll cost. If it's not too extravagant, I'll leave it up to him if he wants to ask his friends to be ushers.

I always thought they handed out programs, but we won't be having those. So this makes more sense now. Thanks!

LDubHawksFan

We had my brothers as ushers.  It was intended that they were to seat guests and give programs out, then escort my mother down the aisle, but somehow that was lost on them!  haha  They gave out as many programs as possible, then walked away once those were gone.......but that is what my brothers do!  haha

JaxInBlue

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-is-an-usher-and-what-does-he-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97a2fe56-8f78-4b33-b97b-7b4b20a45f6cPost:9837ff61-5cb6-4a2c-bad1-af145b898cc7">Re: What is an "usher" and what does he do?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>In my social set the groomsmen usually act as ushers, when people decide to have ushers.  </strong>The people who have ushers do so to add a more formal touch to the event. I see this as an antiquated custom.  It's a holdover from the courtly days when ladies were escorted to table and to seats.  Now women are quite capable of walking themselves. I agree that appointing ushers AS ushers is a crappy chore.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

This has been my experience too (grew up in upstate NY, went to most weddings there).  It's what we did at our wedding.  The groomsmen did not hand out programs put greeted people and helped those who needed/wanted/asked to their seats.

If you want to make being an usher an honor, rather than a burden, I'd make it as easy as possible on those you ask; maybe keep their attire to black pants, white shirt, coordinating color tie.

Jager1219

I think it depends on your FI and your friends.  We're having 6 GM and 2 ushers.  The ushers are close friends of FI but we wanted even sides (don't slaughter me over this).  We gave them the option of either wearing black suits (which they currently own) with a blue tie or renting the same tux as the GM.  They opted to rent the tux.  They are involved in all pre-wedding parties, photos, they will be listed on the program, and introduced in the reception.  They will escort my Mom down the aisle (so head up the procession).  They will also hand out programs & walk anyone down that would like to be walked down.  Basically the only thing they will not do is stand with the GM at the alter.

RWolff

FI asked his two cousins to be ushers. They aren't super close, so they wouldn't be groomsmen, but they're traveling to come and they're the only family members close in age to us. We gave them a choice on tux rental vs. black suit, but they both had to decide the same thing. Based on other family weddings, FI didn't want them to be offended that they didn't "get" to wear tuxes, and sure enough, they both decided to rent without a second thought.

MyNameIsNot

We opted to invite two of my teenage cousins as ushers because we wanted to involve them in the ceremony (their siblings had roles) but we weren't close enough to ask them to be attendants and neither of them were comfortable doing a reading.  They helped a few guests who needed help to their seats, told people where the programs were, and escorted the mothers and grandmothers.  It turned out that we got a really cute photo of my 16 year old cousin walking my (and his) grandma to her seat.  

In a situation like yours, I would lean toward asking them to be groomsmen rather than ushers.  For the guys who are friends with the groom, it might seem a little hurtful and feel like he's ranking friends.  If it were a family member or some that wouldn't consider himself part of the friends group, it would be different.