Wedding Party

Uncooperative Bridesmaid

One of my bridesmaids has not been very cooperative in anything. We all tried to get together for dress shopping, and she worked different shifts (weekends only) so I made the appointment with plenty of time to make it to work. She still refused to come, making up excuses. I let it go it wasn't a big deal, even though she was mad she didnt get to try on dresses, I offered to go with her and another girl who became ill that day, and she never responded to the idea. When I text her she doesnt answer. I call her, her phone is dead, and voicemail box full. She no longer is working, so why can't she get ahold of me now, she should have time to at least charge her phone right? Any time im around her, her phone is on, texting her fiance (they got engaged in December, I asked her to be my bridesmaid in september) Her phone still dies, but she has her charger. Again, why cant she respond to me then? The girls are trying to order their dresses, and she wont give them the answer, or money on when she wants to do it or if she has the money. Were on the wire here, wedding is at the end of April, they need to be ordered ASAP.
I text K 2 days in a row, never heard back. The next day she sends me a facebook message saying she's been trying to get ahold of me for 4 days to hang out, I did change my number, but I gave it to her already, she didnt save it. I messaged her immediately with my number, and immediately text with my name and told her I have been trying to get ahold of her too. 3 days later no response!
She was on facebook earlier and I told her to text me that we need to talk. Nothing. I text her, 2 hours later, Nothing. I call her, phone is dead, voicemail full.
  What am I supposed to do? I've had 2 bridesmaids drop out already one due to financial reasons, which are trying to be resolved, and the other because of family drama between hers, and mine. Obviously if she doesn't order her dress, she is out. But how am I to deal with this? Especially if she wont return my texts, and doesnt even know I have called? In my head I want to yell at her and tell her that if she cant even talk to me, she can get out! But that's not going to solve any problems, and I wont do that. But should I do?

Re: Uncooperative Bridesmaid

  • Ditto giving her a drop dead date.  If she doesn't get the dress in time, then she's taken herself out of the wedding.

    You said that she is no longer working.  It is possible that she cannot afford the dress and is trying to avoid feeling like crap by telling you this.  Personally, if a friend kept harping on me about her wedding after I lost a job, I wouldn't be too eager to talk to her either.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • Honestly if she is making it into this big of a deal, she has to be getting your fb messages and what not you are sending if she is on fb, I would, and this is just my opinion, drop her out of the wedding... This is your day and if she wants to beat around the bush so much it doesn't seem to me like she really wants to be in it... Just send her a quick fb message, A NICE ONE, lol. Maybe she'll respond that and if she doesn't I wouldn't sweat it really, it's your day, have it how you want, you don't need additonal stress thrown in the mix. Good luck
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • WTH TK???

    Okay - here's my post again.

    Give her the drop dead date to order.  If she doesn't then she's removed herself.

    You said that she is no longer working.  Have you checked in on her just to see how she's doing?  It's possible that she cannot afford the dress anymore.  I can tell you that if I'd just lost my job and the only thing I've been hearing from my friend is nagging about getting a dress (or talk about showers, b-parties, wedding talk in general) I wouldn't be too eager to talk to her.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • Give her the drop dead date and drop it.  If she doesn't get the dress, then she's removed herself.

    You said that she is no longer working.  It's possible that she cannot afford the dress now or anything else that she thinks she has to pay for to be in your WP.  If that's the case, I wouldn't be eager to talk to a friend who spends every conversation nagging about a dress or talking about anything else wedding related.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_uncooperative-bridesmaid-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:98ab45eb-64e1-4db0-a0f7-1020b32da2acPost:9b67af6e-a78e-451c-8972-762494a73ee6">Re: Uncooperative Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly if she is making it into this big of a deal, she has to be getting your fb messages and what not you are sending if she is on fb, I would, and this is just my opinion, drop her out of the wedding... This is your day and if she wants to beat around the bush so much it doesn't seem to me like she really wants to be in it... Just send her a quick fb message, A NICE ONE, lol. Maybe she'll respond that and if she doesn't I wouldn't sweat it really, it's your day, have it how you want, you don't need additonal stress thrown in the mix. Good luck
    Posted by kandacemolina07[/QUOTE]

    Please don't follow this advice. 

    Like Edie said, send her a FB message saying that her dress must be ordered by X date and leave it.  Then for the love of Pete, please back off the texting, calling and messaging. 
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_uncooperative-bridesmaid-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:98ab45eb-64e1-4db0-a0f7-1020b32da2acPost:dc65a418-96bc-40dd-bd34-d05f9debb153">Uncooperative Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids has not been very cooperative in anything. We all tried to get together for dress shopping, and she worked different shifts (weekends only) so I made the appointment with plenty of time to make it to work. She still refused to come, making up excuses. I let it go it wasn't a big deal, even though she was mad she didnt get to try on dresses, I offered to go with her and another girl who became ill that day, and she never responded to the idea. When I text her she doesnt answer. I call her, her phone is dead, and voicemail box full. <strong><font color="#ff0000">She no longer is working, </font></strong>so why can't she get ahold of me now, she should have time to at least charge her phone right? Any time im around her, her phone is on, texting her fiance (they got engaged in December, I asked her to be my bridesmaid in september) Her phone still dies, but she has her charger. Again, why cant she respond to me then? The girls are trying to order their dresses, and she wont give them the answer, or money on when she wants to do it or if she has the money. Were on the wire here, wedding is at the end of April, they need to be ordered ASAP. I text K 2 days in a row, never heard back. The next day she sends me a facebook message saying she's been trying to get ahold of me for 4 days to hang out, I did change my number, but I gave it to her already, she didnt save it. I messaged her immediately with my number, and immediately text with my name and told her I have been trying to get ahold of her too. 3 days later no response! She was on facebook earlier and I told her to text me that we need to talk. Nothing. I text her, 2 hours later, Nothing. I call her, phone is dead, voicemail full.   What am I supposed to do? I've had 2 bridesmaids drop out already one due to financial reasons, which are trying to be resolved, and the other because of family drama between hers, and mine. Obviously if she doesn't order her dress, she is out. But how am I to deal with this? Especially if she wont return my texts, and doesnt even know I have called? In my head I want to yell at her and tell her that if she cant even talk to me, she can get out! But that's not going to solve any problems, and I wont do that. But should I do?
    Posted by erc08ohv12[/QUOTE]

    <font color="#000000">Do you think it's possible that she can no longer afford the dress?  If I'd lost my job and my firend only wanted to talk wedding stuff like getting a dress I can't afford now, I wouldn't be too eager to pick up the phone either.</font>
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • Kandace, you have an awful lot of personal information on your wedding website - I'd remove that link if I were you, internet safety and all.  Your dogs are super cute BTW.  :)
    image
  • Give her the final day that she will need to order her dress by and then leave it alone.  If she orders it great, if not, oh well.

    At this point you need to stop stressing yourself out over this because it just isn't worth it.  The ball is in her court so it is her that needs to make the next move.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_uncooperative-bridesmaid-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:98ab45eb-64e1-4db0-a0f7-1020b32da2acPost:abc250d0-5d60-4d48-bd48-d9b2e24aeb71">Re: Uncooperative Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Uncooperative Bridesmaid : Do you think it's possible that she can no longer afford the dress?  If I'd lost my job and my firend only wanted to talk wedding stuff like getting a dress I can't afford now, I wouldn't be too eager to pick up the phone either.
    Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

    I agree.
    Also, like another suggested, message her on facebook with the date to order the dress and leave it alone. If she doesn't have a dress, she automatically drops out from the wedding. You should NEVER kick a Bridesmaid out of the party - trust me, it's not nice. I speak for being kicked out for no apparent reason :(
    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_uncooperative-bridesmaid-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:98ab45eb-64e1-4db0-a0f7-1020b32da2acPost:dc65a418-96bc-40dd-bd34-d05f9debb153">Uncooperative Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids has not been very cooperative in anything. We all tried to get together for dress shopping, and she worked different shifts (weekends only) so I made the appointment with plenty of time to make it to work. She still refused to come, making up excuses. I let it go it wasn't a big deal, even though she was mad she didnt get to try on dresses, I offered to go with her and another girl who became ill that day, and she never responded to the idea. When I text her she doesnt answer. I call her, her phone is dead, and voicemail box full. She no longer is working, so why can't she get ahold of me now, she should have time to at least charge her phone right? Any time im around her, her phone is on, texting her fiance (they got engaged in December, I asked her to be my bridesmaid in september) Her phone still dies, but she has her charger. Again, <em><u>why cant she respond to me then?</u></em>  <strong>Because you are not her FI.  </strong>The girls are trying to order their dresses, and she wont give them the answer, or money on when she wants to do it or if she has the money. Were on the wire here, wedding is at the end of April, they need to be ordered ASAP. I text K 2 days in a row, never heard back. The next day she sends me a facebook message saying she's been trying to get ahold of me for 4 days to hang out, I did change my number, but<u><em> I gave it to her already, she didnt save it</em></u>. <strong>Not that big of a deal, I lose things (such as numbers) all the time.  </strong> I messaged her immediately with my number, and immediately text with my name and told her I have been trying to get ahold of her too. 3 days later no response! She was on facebook earlier and I told her to text me that we need to talk. Nothing. I text her, 2 hours later, Nothing. I call her, phone is dead, voicemail full.   What am I supposed to do? I've had 2 bridesmaids drop out already one due to financial reasons, which are trying to be resolved, and the other because of family drama between hers, and mine. Obviously if she doesn't order her dress, she is out. But how am I to deal with this? Especially if she wont return my texts, and doesnt even know I have called? In my head<u><em> I want to yell at her and tell her that if she cant even talk to me, she can get out!</em></u> <strong>Frustration and anger typically come from not being able to control a situation.  So I understand why you are frustrated and that you wouldn't really yell at her to get out because if you did that would probably ruin the relationship.  </strong>But that's not going to solve any problems, and I wont do that. But should I do? 
    Posted by erc08ohv12[/QUOTE]

    My advice: Give her the deadline to order the dress and leave it at that.  If she complains that she didn't get to help pick it out and the cost was too much just say "Friend, I'm so sorry.  I did ask you multiple times but I never received a response.  I understand that you did not agree to this dress/price but we could not wait any longer.  If you cannot get this dress I understand."

    And just let go.  Sometimes things don't work out.  As awesome as it would be to have your friends up there on the wedding day just remember it's about you and your FI's union.
    November 2011 Siggy Challenge: The First Kiss
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    Fall Wedding Bio
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_uncooperative-bridesmaid-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:98ab45eb-64e1-4db0-a0f7-1020b32da2acPost:abc250d0-5d60-4d48-bd48-d9b2e24aeb71">Re: Uncooperative Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Uncooperative Bridesmaid : Do you think it's possible that she can no longer afford the dress?  <strong>If I'd lost my job and my firend only wanted to talk wedding stuff like getting a dress I can't afford now, I wouldn't be too eager to pick up the phone either.</strong>
    Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

    This is another piece of good advice.
    November 2011 Siggy Challenge: The First Kiss
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    Fall Wedding Bio
  • Sorry for the multiple posts.  TK sucks today.
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    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_uncooperative-bridesmaid-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:98ab45eb-64e1-4db0-a0f7-1020b32da2acPost:ac8d39d2-e36d-441c-baa5-aa9f42bea411">Re: Uncooperative Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]Also two others of your WP have dropped out for financial reasons.  Are you expecting too much from these people?  Is the cost of the dress too high?
    Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]



    No definitely not. A 100 dollar dress (they all agreed on this one too) and any black heels. The one girl lives in Hawaii and it will cost over 1000$ to fly her to the wedding. The other girl has the money, its that she's my brothers ex and on bad terms with him and my mom (I'm on her side BTW so I do not blame her)
    And I realize she lost her job, by her own irrisponsibility, btw. But I know for a facr her fiance is supporting her and would be more than willing to pay for the dress. I'm not harping on her, I try to leave her alone most days. But if ahe is saying she is trying to get ahold of me I'm gonna call her. O didn't think one text, and one phonecall was out of place.
    She did end up texting me back later on and I asked her about the dress situation and she said she is ordering it this week.
  • Sorry it took so long to respond also, TK ate my post earlier so I didn't rewrite, but I decided to check with all the glitches lately!
  • She's been horrible about returning texts/calls way before the wedding. But its pissing me off that she's not even trying when she agreed to be in the wedding. I know if I did this to her she would beyond mad.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_uncooperative-bridesmaid-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:98ab45eb-64e1-4db0-a0f7-1020b32da2acPost:252e46b4-cc4b-415c-95a0-755b1fefd12b">Re: Uncooperative Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Uncooperative Bridesmaid : She's not going to change just because you're getting married.
    Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

    Agreed.
    I would not ask her to step down unless you no longer want to be friends with her...EVER. Give her a definite date to order the dress. If she doesn't order it then she takes herself out.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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