BM bowing out

Bethella

Hey everyone!

So I am getting married in Las Vegas, a bit of a destination wedding thing, but one of my bridesmaids said that she wouldn't be able to make it. Just for the record, I'm totally okay with that. My FI and I undestood that by doing a destination wedding, not everyone would be able to make it. My question is: would it be in poor taste to ask another of my friends to step in to take her place? Or should I simply leave the bridal party as is because my FI also lost a groomsmen (he and his brother got into a huge disagreement to the point that my FI uninvited him to the wedding) so the bridesmaids-to-groomsmen ratio is now even. Thanks!

KellyBrian2013

In Response to Re:BM bowing out:[QUOTE]Hey everyone!So I am getting married in Las Vegas, a bit of a destination wedding thing, but one of my bridesmaids said that she wouldn't be able to make it. Just for the record, I'm totally okay with that. My FI and I undestood that by doing a destination wedding, not everyone would be able to make it. My question is: would it be in poor taste to ask another of my friends to step in to take her place? Or should I simply leave the bridal party as is because my FI also lost a groomsmen he and his brother got into a huge disagreement to the point that my FI uninvited him to the wedding so the bridesmaidstogroomsmen ratio is now even. Thanks! Posted by Bethella[/QUOTE]

No, you should not replace your BM who can't make it. You really want to tell someone who is supposed to be one of your closest friends that she is replaceable? That she is merely a prop for you to dress up for your wedding day? And, on another note, I hope your FI is ready to end his relationship with his brother... because kicking him out of the wedding party and revoking his wedding invitation is a very public slight and is incredibly rude.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-bowing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9abeb29d-5334-4d69-a8c5-6cc4671c5427Post:570b9d4d-e00a-4964-ae6b-0f02e7459867">BM bowing out</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey everyone! So I am getting married in Las Vegas, a bit of a destination wedding thing, but one of my bridesmaids said that she wouldn't be able to make it. Just for the record, I'm totally okay with that. My FI and I undestood that by doing a destination wedding, not everyone would be able to make it. My question is: would it be in poor taste to ask another of my friends to step in to take her place? Or should I simply leave the bridal party as is because my FI also lost a groomsmen (he and his brother got into a huge disagreement to the point that my FI uninvited him to the wedding) so the bridesmaids-to-groomsmen ratio is now even. Thanks!
Posted by Bethella[/QUOTE]
You should leave the bridal party as is, but NOT because the "bridesmaids-to-groomsmen ratio is now even."  That doesn't matter.

Bethella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-bowing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9abeb29d-5334-4d69-a8c5-6cc4671c5427Post:69066891-6afc-4a84-bbc1-d7965d0f3eeb">Re:BM bowing out</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:BM bowing out: No, you should not replace your BM who can't make it. You really want to tell someone who is supposed to be one of your closest friends that she is replaceable? That she is merely a prop for you to dress up for your wedding day? And, on another note, I hope your FI is ready to end his relationship with his brother... because kicking him out of the wedding party and revoking his wedding invitation is a very public slight and is incredibly rude.
Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

<div>Of course she is not a prop. A friend of mine got married and one of her own bridesmaids couldn't make it to the wedding, so she asked her other friend. I thought that odd, which is why I asked this question as I wasn't sure what to do. Please don't make it sound like I am a horrible human being. I was merely asking a question.</div>

Bethella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-bowing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9abeb29d-5334-4d69-a8c5-6cc4671c5427Post:70f8679a-6751-4ac5-be0d-18ff0c7057db">Re:BM bowing out</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, it would be in very poor taste to replace her or your FBIL. It's not only insulting to them but is very insulting to the person you ask as well. Even if the sides were uneven, you shouldn't replace anyone.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>Coolio, thanks, that is what I needed to hear!</div>

Bethella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-bowing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9abeb29d-5334-4d69-a8c5-6cc4671c5427Post:d8104765-81e7-42c7-abfd-5d71af712903">Re: BM bowing out</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to BM bowing out : You should leave the bridal party as is, but NOT because the "bridesmaids-to-groomsmen ratio is now even."  That doesn't matter.
Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Fair enough! Thanks for your input!

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Peledreamsofrain

It is not very flattering to be asked to be a stand-in bridesmaid.  It's the same as saying "Hey, you weren't a first-string friend, but now that there's an opening, I suppose you merit being up there as a stand-in". 

It may not be at all what you mean, but that's definitely the translation most people hear.  Not to mention the stress of last-minute dress-shopping.

And don't stress about even numbers.  People are up there because they love and support you, and you love them back.  Not because of some weird mathematical counting ratio.  I was the only person standing up with my sister and her husband, and I felt very honored.  Nobody thought it was silly.

Bethella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-bowing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9abeb29d-5334-4d69-a8c5-6cc4671c5427Post:2b08977e-223f-4c2b-bc84-66a73e7f7255">Re: BM bowing out</a>:
[QUOTE]It is not very flattering to be asked to be a stand-in bridesmaid.  It's the same as saying "Hey, you weren't a first-string friend, but now that there's an opening, I suppose you merit being up there as a stand-in".  It may not be at all what you mean, but that's definitely the translation most people hear.  Not to mention the stress of last-minute dress-shopping. And don't stress about even numbers.  People are up there because they love and support you, and you love them back.  Not because of some weird mathematical counting ratio.  I was the only person standing up with my sister and her husband, and I felt very honored.  Nobody thought it was silly.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Thank you, you've been very helpful and I appreciate your point of view! After the three adament 'no, that's a horrendous idea' comments from the people here, I've decided that I really don't want to go that route of a stand-in bridesmaid. I certainly don't want to insult my friend who can't make it by potentially making her feel replaceable and I don't want my other friend to feel like she's second fiddle to the rest. 

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