Sister vs Cousin for MOH

LongLivetheKings1223

Ok, I need help.  I got engaged almost two months ago and have yet to officially ask one of my bridesmaids to be my MOH.  It's between my sister and my cousin.  I am best friends with my cousin and we do a lot of things together.  She's the person I feel most comfortable around (besides my fiance of course) and I can tell her anything wihtout her being judgey.

My sister is younger than I am and has already started telling people she's probably going to be the MOH, even though I've not even mentioned it to her (which could be the problem).  I've never been really close to her and don't really see her that often.  Since I got engaged though she has already said she's hosting a bridal shower and told my mother she was really upset when she heard I went to look at dresses with my cousin (didnt even try any on, just took a research trip to some local shops).  On top of that she already has said she doesn't want to give a speech at the reception and will not be hosting my bachelorette party.

I want my MOH to be my cousin, who I always have a fantastic time with, but I have a feeling my sister would read me the Riot Act if I even suggested it wasn't her.  I don't want to hurt her feelings but I am more comfortable with my cousin.  It's getting to the point where I don't want a MOH at all.  What do I do?

Epiphany1031

I would either have no MOH, or have both of them as your MOH's.

aerinpegadrak

Sounds like it might be easier not to have an MOH.  If they ask why, just tell them you love them too much to choose between them (even if it's actually because your sister would be a brat about the whole thing).

Maggie0829

To me it sounds like you would be asking your sister to be your MOH out of obligation instead of actually wanting her as your MOH. 

You should ask the person you would feel most comfortable calling at 3am to help you with a dead body.  If that person is your cousin then that is your MOH.

Don't give into pressure or obligation.  This is one decision that is completely yours, no one elses.

willywally5

I'd choose your cousin. Your sister sounds like she has way too much of it all laid out for how YOUR wedding/wedding-related events can accomodate HER wishes. Not cool.

If you think it will be easier to keep the peace, have both as co-MOH's. But only if you think you will be preventing WWIII. 

However, I think she might be a real stinker either way, in which case you should have who your truly want. 

Not a lot of help, I know ... but some things to consider. ; )

getaclue44

I chose my best friend over my sister and would make that decision over and over again.  My mom was more upset than my sister was--when it came to it the MOH should be your go to person--and for me that was my best friend--

GL with your choice--I put off asking my sister to be a BM and the stress was horrible because I was afraid of her reaction.  I just said that FI and I would love for her to be a BM at our wedding--she asked who the MOH was and I told her--she never really responded so I had to ask a second time a few days later--she said yes and I have yet to hear a compaint

mbcdefg

Pick your closest friend.

Don't pick based on who'll be the best helper, who'll throw you parties, who'll throw the best parties, who will be the most available to assist with planning, who's the cheerier person, etc. Pick your closest friend.

It's totally fine if you aren't close enough to your sister to consider her as your Maid of Honor. But saying that part of the reason she shouldn't be MOH is because she won't give a toast or host a bachelorette for you is really crappy. Those things shouldn't factor into your decision one tiny bit. The one and only reason to say no to your sister being MOH should be, "She is not my closest friend. Someone else is my closest friend." End of story. 

As for how to handle it ... that's up to you. You can choose your cousin as MOH and your sister/mom/whoever will just have to deal with it. "Cousin is my closest friend and I would like her to be my MOH" is the ONLY explanation you need to provide. You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why they weren't chosen, and it's just going to make the problem bigger if you sit your sister down and explain to her why she's not MOH. Ask her to be a bridesmaid if you wish, or just tell her that you are looking forward to her being there as a guest. But don't lead her on if she keeps telling you that she's the MOH ... set her straight, once, and then don't discuss it again.

You can also have co-Maids of Honor if you wish. It is absolutely not up to you to decide who'll throw a shower or bachelorette or who will help you plan the wedding, however. Those are all optional things that the MOH is absolutely not required to do for you. Whoever wants to do so will volunteer. If nobody volunteers to throw you a shower/bachelorette ... then, oh well, you don't get them. Suck it up and move on.

Or don't designate a MOH at all. Have whoever's standing closest to you hold your bouquet during the ceremony, and get any adult you wish (maybe a parent?) to sign the license.

lpowers1118

Ask the person you really want to ask, from the sound of it this should be your cousin.

Reid222

Would it be possible to have two MOHs? 

If not, I would pick your cousin.  It sounds as though you really want her and would only be picking your sister to keep the peace.  Maybe you could explain to her that being a MOH is very stressful and you want her to be able to have fun and relax at all of the wedding events.

LongLivetheKings1223

UPDATE*- Thank you everyone for all of your advice!  I really took it to heart! I have asked my cousin to be my Maid of Honor.  What really helped was when asked who would you call at 3am to help move a dead body.  Cousin...hands down (we're both HUGE fans of Dexter).

I had a sit down conversation with my sister last night and told her my decision.  I said that even though she wasnt the MOH I still wanted her in the wedding as a bridesmaid and to still host her (yes, I used the word her) shower the way she wanted to.  Her response? "Yeah, I'm going to be really busy with school anyway (she's going to be a college senior) so I was going to only say yes out of obligation."  WOW.  So I guess everyone's happy?

HandBanana

I was going to suggest a death cage match.

LongLivetheKings1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-vs-cousin-for-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9c17c217-f4eb-4ddb-83ad-ae26a2621b63Post:fe8a3590-84da-43ce-b435-20b88cf26c8f">Re:Sister vs Cousin for MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]I was going to suggest a death cage match.
Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]

THIS.  Why didn't I think of that?!?