How to choose MOH?

ox Sweet Dee xo

My fiance and I are in the very early stages of planning our wedding. We want a small ceremony of only close relatives and friends. I want to include both of our siblings in the wedding party but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings when I choose my MOH. I have 2 younger sisters, 13 and 16 and he has 2 younger sisters. One has cerebral palsy and is in the wheelchair. I was thinking that I would make them all my bridesmaids and have his other sister as my MOH. We are very close and are very good friends but I don't want to hurt my sisters' feelings... Am I just over thinking this or should I choose someone else?

bablingbrooke

I think you're overthinking.  

Knee-jerk reaction, leaving all family politics out: Who do you want to be MOH?  If you come up with a name, that's who it should be.  If not, it might be best not to have one, or to have both sisters as co-MOH.  

Remember not to decide based on who you think or assume will be able and willing to plan parties, do wedding projects, etc.  I'm sure that wasn't a factor in your calculations, but I'm just sayin'.  Good luck!

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choose-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9c4ed44f-c0b2-48ec-8cce-d3b24816ea37Post:c2347890-f98b-4db2-ba2f-d20e26b17bee">How to choose MOH?</a>:
[QUOTE]I want to include both of our siblings in the wedding party. I was thinking that I would make them all my bridesmaids and have his other sister as my MOH. We are very close
Posted by ox Sweet Dee xo[/QUOTE]

This is the relevant information from your post. The ages of your sisters, fact that one of his sisters is in a wheelchair, not wanting to hurt feelings - all that's extra stuff. Who is your closest friend in the world? That person should be your MOH. If it's your 13 year old sister, that's fine - someone else can sign the marriage license. It can be someone in a wheelchair. If it's not one of the sisters but a friend, ask the friend.

For the rest of your BMs, ask your other super close friends. If that includes all 4 sisters great, but it doesn't have to (although in some families, not asking the sisters would be a huge slight, and it might be worth just having them to avoid family drama).

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]My fiance and I are in the very early stages of planning our wedding. We want a small ceremony of only close relatives and friends. I want to include both of our siblings in the wedding party but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings when I choose my MOH. I have 2 younger sisters, 13 and 16 and he has 2 younger sisters. One has cerebral palsy and is in the wheelchair. I was thinking that I would make them all my bridesmaids and have his other sister as my MOH. We are very close and are very good friends but I don't want to hurt my sisters' feelings... Am I just over thinking this or should I choose someone else?
Posted by ox Sweet Dee xo[/QUOTE]
I really don't see how your FSIL's CP is relevant to whether she can be MOH.  The only barrier I can really think of is signing the marriage license if she is unable to write, in which case she probably has a stamp that is considered to be her signature.  Either way, if all of them are under 18 someone else would have to sign the license.

Choose the person you are closest to.  It doesn't have to be one of the family members.  You can also have two maids of honor or no maid of honor. 

In your case, I'd consider asking your closest friend or having all of the be bridesmaids with no maid of honor for the purpose of family dynamics.  I can definitely see a 13 year old and 16 year old being upset if your FSIL is chosen over them, even if you are completely justified in your decision.

Your FSILs can be groomswomen if your FI wants them to be or they can stand on your side.

aerinpegadrak

You know, you don't have to have a maid of honor.  The traditional extra stuff that she does, including holding your bouquet, signing the license, possibly giving a toast or helping bustle your dress, can be divvied up among all the bridesmaids.  When dealing with family politics, that might be the best option.  If any of them ask about it, just say, "I love you all too much to possibly choose between you."