MOH- Who Should it Be???

rirvi335 · September 2012

Here’s my situation, it’s a little complicated and you might have trouble following along:

I’m having 4 bridesmaids total: 2 older sisters (#1 & #2), 1 younger sister (#4), and my future sis-in-law. #1 sister got married this past summer and had a fairly easy choice to make our #2 sister her MOH. I am 3^rd sister of 4… who am I supposed to choose? I am close to each one of them in a different way, so I feel that I can’t choose my closest sister. I also feel like #2 sister already had a chance. And when #2 sister gets married she’ll probably choose #1 sister to be her MOH- if this happens and I have #1 sister be my MOH, then #4 sister wouldn’t have the chance to be one. But I’m not sure if #4 sister (she is 16) is mature/responsible enough for the duties of a MOH. She can tend to be lazy. I’m not considering my sis-in-law because we aren’t all that close yet.
I considered not having a MOH and splitting up the duties, but I figured that would get even more complicated. I need a few opinions or even some different, creative options. I’m not really worried about hard feelings- none of us are petty in that way- I just don’t know what to do.

MegenQ · September 2012

MOH and bridesmaids don't have to do anything more then show up and smile for the pictures, so don't pick one based on how much se can do for you. Choose the MOH based on who you are closest too, not on how is not going to be able to be the MOH for some one elses wedding.

rirvi335 · September 2012

Like I said, I'm close to all of them. And MOH usually are responsible for planning a shower and bachelorette party.

KateH2013 · September 2012

If you want to make it so each sister has a chance to be MOH, you could choose sister #1, and hope that sister #2 or #4 chooses you as her MOH (should you care and want to be) when she gets married. OR, you could just not have an MOH. It's up to you. But also keep in mind, many on TK say BMs and MOHs should not be assigned duties (if they offer to help, that's great). Their only duty is to buy the dress and show up to the wedding.

zitiqueen · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-who-should-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9dd36869-71a9-4cee-9bb4-51475d6d7db1Post:f3f454d3-cf59-4518-9b92-58ffe713dd96">MOH- Who Should it Be???</a>:
[QUOTE]Here’s my situation, it’s a little complicated and you might have trouble following along: I’m having 4 bridesmaids total: 2 older sisters (#1 & #2), 1 younger sister (#4), and my future sis-in-law. #1 sister got married this past summer and had a fairly easy choice to make our #2 sister her MOH. I am 3 rd sister of 4… who am I supposed to choose? I am close to each one of them in a different way, so I feel that I can’t choose my closest sister. I also feel like #2 sister already had a chance. And when #2 sister gets married she’ll probably choose #1 sister to be her MOH- if this happens and I have #1 sister be my MOH, then #4 sister wouldn’t have the chance to be one. But I’m not sure if #4 sister (she is 16) is mature/responsible enough for the duties of a MOH. She can tend to be lazy. I’m not considering my sis-in-law because we aren’t all that close yet. I considered not having a MOH and splitting up the duties, but I figured that would get even more complicated. I need a few opinions or even some different, creative options. I’m not really worried about hard feelings- none of us are petty in that way- I just don’t know what to do.
Posted by rirvi335[/QUOTE]

Explain these "duties."

rirvi335 · September 2012

I already posted some duties, which also include little things like help with moving the dress, holding my bouquet during the ceremony and signing the license at the end... why are they considered a MOH in the first place if they don't hold a special position in the wedding?

Another word for bridesmaids is attendants- I'm not expecting them to be my servants, but I'm not a control freak who needs to oversee every part of the planning either. I know I helped out a lot at my sister's- with flowers, favors, and decorating and I wasn't even the MOH. It's also different since all of them are my sisters, so I know that they'll want to help without my even asking- we're that close and get along super well- and even if BMs are expected to just show up and smile for some people's wedding, I know that my sisters don't want to do just that. So for me and for my wedding, being asked to be a MOH should still be an honor.

So that's where I'm coming from and why I'm having trouble with deciding on who.

rirvi335 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-who-should-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9dd36869-71a9-4cee-9bb4-51475d6d7db1Post:d35dff55-5522-442b-8006-7d5f3d411f8e">Re: MOH- Who Should it Be???</a>:
[QUOTE]There are no duties. Ignore those lists that you see on wedding websites and in bridal magazines. Those are published by the industry to enforce a sense of entitlement in brides and obligation to their friends. That helps pump money back into weddings. Any guest can sign the marriage license. In my circle it's usually the parents, as a token that their kids are starting their own family, not the wedding party. It's nobody's responsibility to host showers or bachelorettes. That's a gift, not a right, to the bride. Usually the wedding party does, but the bride is not supposed to even think about it. Bridesmaids are selected as a way to honor special people. The MOH is chosen to show she is especially close. It's not required to have an MOH at all....you can tell them you love them too much to pick and choose. Don't choose based on what you think they can, or will want to, do. Nothing stops them from volunteering for things. Think of which one youj'd call if it were 3 am and you needed to get rid of a body.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Thank you for the opinions about my expectations- my mom and sisters have been talking about those sort of things- since I do live with 2 of my sisters still. They are the ones who have been throwing around the subject of showers and bachelorette party- I'm not viewing those as my rights.
And "Get rid of a body?" Call me crazy if I don't take your advice.

missfrodo · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-who-should-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9dd36869-71a9-4cee-9bb4-51475d6d7db1Post:73e4c0f5-0f7d-49fe-9f58-4cc987b96bc3">Re: MOH- Who Should it Be???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH- Who Should it Be??? : And "Get rid of a body?" Call me crazy if I don't take your advice.
Posted by rirvi335[/QUOTE]

This made me lol. The body thing is purely hypothetical, it gets asked to just about every bride on this board who asks this question. It doesn't mean that the other brides condone murder or think you are a murderer. It just means that you should choose those closest to you as your BP.
It sounds like you are very close to all of these women. I would recommend either not having a MOH at all or having possibly 2 MOHs, if you are closer to 2 of them, to honor your friends.
The women on these boards give wonderful, if extremely direct, advice. I encourage you to not take anything too personally, as you seem to be doing, and to lurk around to get a better feel for the boards and the questions asked. You may find that many of your questions have been answered previously just a few posts down, or on another board.

KateH2013 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-who-should-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9dd36869-71a9-4cee-9bb4-51475d6d7db1Post:73e4c0f5-0f7d-49fe-9f58-4cc987b96bc3">Re: MOH- Who Should it Be???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH- Who Should it Be??? : Thank you for the opinions about my expectations- my mom and sisters have been talking about those sort of things- since I do live with 2 of my sisters still. They are the ones who have been throwing around the subject of showers and bachelorette party- I'm not viewing those as my rights. And "Get rid of a body?" Call me crazy if I don't take your advice.
Posted by rirvi335[/QUOTE]

<div>It's just a figure of speech, nothing to worry about or get offended by. When picking your MOH you should always ask yourself "if it were 3 am and I needed ___, who would I call?" </div>

rirvi335 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-who-should-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9dd36869-71a9-4cee-9bb4-51475d6d7db1Post:e7759ebc-9718-4e05-a865-e07b33ef58dd">Re: MOH- Who Should it Be???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH- Who Should it Be??? : This made me lol. The body thing is purely hypothetical, it gets asked to just about every bride on this board who asks this question. It doesn't mean that the other brides condone murder or think you are a murderer. It just means that you should choose those closest to you as your BP. It sounds like you are very close to all of these women. I would recommend either not having a MOH at all or having possibly 2 MOHs, if you are closer to 2 of them, to honor your friends. The women on these boards give wonderful, if extremely direct, advice. I encourage you to not take anything too personally, as you seem to be doing, and to lurk around to get a better feel for the boards and the questions asked. You may find that many of your questions have been answered previously just a few posts down, or on another board.
Posted by missfrodo[/QUOTE]

 Thank you for the reminder- I know there are a lot of helpful women on here. Sometimes a few comments can get too personal or rub you the wrong way- or maybe can be taken the wrong way- and then it discredits anything else they’ve said. That’s what happened with that last one- obviously murder isn’t being condoned, but I wasn’t in the mood to hear that from her. I appreciate the comments you made- you answered my question instead of giving your opinion about other things I included in my post.

mbcdefg · September 2012

If your sisters feel the same way that you do (that you're all very close and would want to choose a sister to be MOH), you could get together with them and maybe decide who will be whose MOH if/when the time comes for them to get married, that way you all get a turn.

Of course, this is assuming that everyone will decide to get married someday, decide to have a bridal party at all, decide to choose a sister instead of a friend for MOH, etc. Life never quite goes the way you plan, so just be sure that nobody will be heartbroken if her chance to be the MOH never comes up for whatever reason.

I've heard of multiple sisters agreeing who will be whose MOH, so this could work if you are pretty sure you're all on the same page.

Stop worrying about the parties and if sister #4 is lazy, because that has nothing to do with it. If you can't pick one person, then don't pick anyone.

rirvi335 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-who-should-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9dd36869-71a9-4cee-9bb4-51475d6d7db1Post:f99ff237-7582-4e0a-8a47-a812e10ed3a4">Re: MOH- Who Should it Be???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH- Who Should it Be??? : It's just a figure of speech, nothing to worry about or get offended by. When picking your MOH you should always ask yourself "if it were 3 am and I needed ___, who would I call?"
Posted by KateH2013[/QUOTE]

 Yeah, I know- overreaction. Truth is, if I ask myself who I’d call if I needed anything- I’d call all 3! I’ve already said that I’m close to all of them, and I keep being asked- Who are you closest to? So I’ve come to the conclusion- since we’re all close and all 3 of them are already being helpful- there just will be no MOH. I should’ve just asked in the first place if not having one would be ok- some ladies did mention it though, so I suppose it has been done. Thank you all for the input.

rirvi335 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-who-should-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9dd36869-71a9-4cee-9bb4-51475d6d7db1Post:1d76ba93-3308-4add-adfc-74612aaab7a4">Re: MOH- Who Should it Be???</a>:
[QUOTE]If your sisters feel the same way that you do (that you're all very close and would want to choose a sister to be MOH), you could get together with them and maybe decide who will be whose MOH if/when the time comes for them to get married, that way you all get a turn. Of course, this is assuming that everyone will decide to get married someday, decide to have a bridal party at all, decide to choose a sister instead of a friend for MOH, etc. Life never quite goes the way you plan, so just be sure that nobody will be heartbroken if her chance to be the MOH never comes up for whatever reason. I've heard of multiple sisters agreeing who will be whose MOH, so this could work if you are pretty sure you're all on the same page. Stop worrying about the parties and if sister #4 is lazy, because that has nothing to do with it. If you can't pick one person, then don't pick anyone.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

 Confession- this example of having a lazy sister for the MOH came from seeing an episode of Bridezillas… Haha! So I can sorta see why the sister would be like that, plus I don’t think I’m a bridezilla… And you’re totally right, I shouldn’t worry about something like that. I may talk to them a little more, but I am thinking I may just not have one. Thank you for your helpful comments.

SKPM · September 2012

I'm the oldest of three girls. I didn't have a MOH, just 4 BMs: 2 sisters and 2 close friends. It wasn't a big deal at all. FWIW, my middle sister stood next to me at the ceremony and held my bouquet, my youngest sister stood on next and held FI's ring, they gave a joint toast which was not anything I'd asked for but was great, and they both signed the license as witnesses.

Peledreamsofrain · September 2012

I was thinking of posting a suggestion, but after reading all the negative and snappy scoldings from the OP, not interested. Bleh

catloverd · September 2012

I would just not have one, but then the problem comes into how you plan on ordering them? That is another can of worms. Do you plan on having a personal attendant? Maybe since it seems all your bridesmaids are sisters, what if you ask a really good friend or cousin or aunt to be a personal attendant. The personal attendant does everything a maid of honor would do.

We are having a personal attendant just because my maid of honor will always be with me. We asked my fiance's eldest, most responsible sister, to be our personal attendent. Her duties are simply making sure everything happens on time and that everything is done correctly. She is really excited and works as a wedding coordinator at her church, so she was the perfect choice.

Just make your that if you do ask someone to be your personal attendant, they know that they will be busy and that it's a very important job. You should pick someone close, responsible, and willing to do it.

As for parties, any of your sisters can throw it or they can do it together. My maid of honor actually worked with my other close friend, who is a bridesmaid, to arrange the bridal shower and bachlorette party. They'll work that out amongst themselves, no worries.

LMilton1021 · September 2012

Well I chose my maid of honor because we are the closest out of all my BMs and ALSO because MOH have always had duties. I don't know where you ladies are getting your info but its usually the moh who plans the bachelorette party and invites all the girls that you want to come.

negirls009 · January 2013

http://www.annabridalshop.com/Mori-Lee-Voyage-Wedding-Dresses---Style-6745_p2593.html

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