Sister is planning a wedding 4 months after mine...

wittle12

Hey,
I need to make sure I'm not overreacting here. I'm getting married (and had my date set for a while) then my sister who has been engaged for a few years has decided to plan her wedding for 4 months after mine. She is my maid of honor (I asked her before I even knew she was thinking of setting a date). I'm super excited that she has finally set a date and is getting married but I'm definitly upset that it is right after mine. I feel like I have to do things for both of our weddings now (I'm also her maid of honor) when i feel like I should be concentrating on my wedding right now and not hers.

Annas2013

You are definitely overreacting.  You get one day.  She gets one day.  Four months isn't really close date-wise either.  You have no reason to be upset that her wedding is 4 months after.  4 days after yours?  I could understand being upset, but not 4 months.  

Also yes you'll be doing things for both of your weddings, just like she will be.  

Final point?  Let it go.  It's not a big deal, or even close to your wedding date, so there's no reason to be upset.

Miss Esa

You are overreacting.
Its not like you are planning her wedding.

wittle12

We aren't bouncing ideas off of each other... anything I planned for mine she is saying is too tacky for her wedding. She also won't tell me an exact date yet... as it will "be a suprise"
And yes I'll be throwing her a bachelorette party and bridal shower. And yes there are financial issues as I'm paying for my wedding myself.
I am very happy for her... I just wish she would've given me a little more time to plan all of her stuff (and be more financially able) to make her time amazing.

Maggie0829

Way overreacting. 

How is 4 months right after your wedding?  You get one day.  Your sister gets one day.  Even if she decided to get married a week after you or 4 months before you it doesn't matter.

Let her plan her wedding and you plan yours.  Even if you decide to throw a bridal shower or host a bachelorette party, those things really wouldn't occur until about 2-3 months out anyway.

mbcdefg

You need to relax.

aerinpegadrak

Even old-timey people who think you get to reserve a whole season for yourself would think you're overreacting, since a season is 3 months.  But it's not old times, and you get one single solitary day.

SSIL was married about 6 weeks after us, and SBIL was married about a month after that.  Ours was the only wedding that required travel for that side, so there weren't any issues at all.  Hell, I even joked to SSIL that if she wanted to get married while everyone was in Vegas for my wedding, she was welcome to.

There are other people in the world.  Their lives are going to go through milestones, too.  And since your peers tend to be the same age, you'll likely go through a lot of them at the same time.  Happiness is not a zero-sum game; everyone can be happy for your sister AND you at the same time without diminishing the other.

aerinpegadrak

As far as costs for hers, be upfront with her about that.  If she's sane and rational, she should understand that you won't be able to spend as much money on her wedding, and she should be willing to work with you to find affordable solutions.  And you should work with her to try to keep her costs down as well.

You're not required to throw her parties at all, and you're certainly not required to pay for them yourself.  Perhaps you can feel out some of the other attendants/family/friends and see if anyone would be interested in cohosting one or both parties.  They also don't have to be expensive affairs; if a cake and punch shower in someone's living room is all you can afford, then the bride should accept that graciously.

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-is-planning-a-wedding-4-months-after-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9f56aee5-4a50-40b5-99c7-9514c2fd71e5Post:ae8ac280-a6f0-4bd3-9301-1c55c5673735">Re: Sister is planning a wedding 4 months after mine...</a>:
[QUOTE]We aren't bouncing ideas off of each other... anything I planned for mine she is saying is too tacky for her wedding. wittle12[/QUOTE]

So stop sharing your details with her. If she asks YOU for your details, give her the same response she's given you ... "I want it to be a surprise!"

From your statement here, I'm getting the vibe that you feel like she has a history of trying to one-up you, or at least you imagine that that's always been the case. Please correct me if I'm wrong. But if that's the case, then you should know how she operates by now ... and you should also know by now that the best type of a response to a person like this is to <strong>ignore them</strong>. Just nod and smily and give non-committal or vague answers if she starts talking about her wedding ... "OK/That sounds nice/Whatever you want/Mmmhmm."

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-is-planning-a-wedding-4-months-after-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9f56aee5-4a50-40b5-99c7-9514c2fd71e5Post:ae8ac280-a6f0-4bd3-9301-1c55c5673735">Re: Sister is planning a wedding 4 months after mine...</a>:
[QUOTE]She also won't tell me an exact date yet... as it will "be a suprise" Posted by wittle12[/QUOTE]

So you're mad at something that's not even a definite plan yet? Again, dude ... RELAX!!!

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-is-planning-a-wedding-4-months-after-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9f56aee5-4a50-40b5-99c7-9514c2fd71e5Post:ae8ac280-a6f0-4bd3-9301-1c55c5673735">Re: Sister is planning a wedding 4 months after mine...</a>:
[QUOTE]And yes I'll be throwing her a bachelorette party and bridal shower. And yes there are financial issues as I'm paying for my wedding myself. I am very happy for her... I just wish she would've given me a little more time to plan all of her stuff (and be more financially able) to make her time amazing.
Posted by wittle12[/QUOTE]

Showers and bachelorette parties are not that complicated or expensive as a rule. They're really not. They're as complicated and expensive as YOU, the hostess, choose to make them. And they really don't take all that long to plan, so theoretically you could start planning her parties for the first time once you get back from your honeymoon and you would still have PLENTY of time to plan something nice.

And if it's truly a money issue ... then just put aside whatever you can in the coming months, and work with what you have when the time comes to plan. If there are other bridesmaids, politely talk to them about whether they'd also like to contribute, and if so how much they want to spend, and then work with that budget. If it means that your sister's shower is simply 20 people sitting at your house and eating cake, then so be it. Brides need to be grateful for whatever they might receive, so it's not your sister's place to be critical or demand something more. She gets what she gets and she likes it, period.

Shower planning = picking a location, ordering food or deciding which hostesses will provide what kind of food, inviting people, and maybe doing some decorations, favors and games. Bachelorette planning = picking an activity, inviting people, possibly organizing some time of transportation, and showing up to have fun. This is EASILY something you could take care of within two months. I've been to gorgeous showers and bachelorettes - and the nicest wedding I've ever attended - that were all planned in the span of two months or less. To be honest, the ones I've attended that weren't as awesome were the ones where the hostesses cried and stressed and obsessed about the details for 6+ months. Those were the parties that seemed more centered around, "Here's the perfect little useless favor for you!" rather than "Let's have a good time and celebrate the bride and enjoy our friendships." I've found that, when you plan something so far in advance, you start to lose sight of the point of the party because you're so wrapped up in the insignificant little details that nobody ever cares about anyway. People care about the food and the company - they don't give a flying crap over the ribbons on the favor boxes.

Maggie0829

Would you like some cheese with that "whine" Sweetmustang?  Honestly, your cousins wedding is 5 months after yours.  And her financial situation with her FI and her living situation is none of your business and has no baring on the fact that you are pissed because you didn't get a whole year for it to be all about you.

You complaining that she likes your centerpieces and wants to use them at her wedding is ridiculous.  You should take that as a compliment that she loves your style and ideas.  It would be like me complaining that my friend who is getting married in April is using the same baker as me and is using a similar centerpiece as me.  Her wedding and my wedding are two completely different events even if some of the aspects may be similar.  I could careless.  In fact I am happy she is using the same baker because the cupcakes I had at my wedding were freaking delicious!

Both you and OP need to take a chill pill.  This is something completely ridiculous to be upset about.  If you don't want her "stealing" your ideas then stop sharing them.  But in the end you get ONE day and your cousin gets ONE day.  Period.

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-is-planning-a-wedding-4-months-after-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9f56aee5-4a50-40b5-99c7-9514c2fd71e5Post:558d71c9-a279-47e3-9e8f-edcc6437d4e0">Re: Sister is planning a wedding 4 months after mine...</a>:
[QUOTE]Guess Im the minority here, but that would irritate me too. My younger cousin had been engaged for a year when I got engaged, and they were going to wait a few years to get married (since they are both so young and cant afford to live on their own). Then I got engaged and set my date for 6 months later. Two months after I set my date, she announced they had set their date. I was excited for her, but then her date is 5 months after mine. Not a big deal, right? Wrong! Now she is all into planning (as she should be) but at every family function, she always has to talk about her plans, her wedding, and mine seems to be forgotten. (She is also one of my bridesmaids), the first time she saw my wedding centerpieces, she said "I"ll have to use these for my wedding"....yes a wedding is 1 day, but there is a lot of stuff that goes on leading up to it. There are a lot of people in my family, and I always seem to get overlooked, so I was really excited to be the center of attention for once in my life, and now I have to share that attention with my loud cousin. Once my wedding is over, she will still have another 5 months of attention......oh and I forgot to mention, they still cant afford to live on their own, they plan on living with her parents after they are married...indefinitely.....maybe she was jealous when she saw me starting the planning process so she decided to jump on the bandwagon. Oh well!
Posted by sweetmustang16[/QUOTE]

I HATE the "she's just jealous" excuse that gets thrown around these boards so much. Ugh.

Not everyone is jealous of someone else's wedding.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-is-planning-a-wedding-4-months-after-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9f56aee5-4a50-40b5-99c7-9514c2fd71e5Post:0fa0d82c-a40e-4754-96f4-b3425c2958c4">Re: Sister is planning a wedding 4 months after mine...</a>:
[QUOTE]Would you like some cheese with that "whine" Sweetmustang?  Honestly, your cousins wedding is 5 months after yours.  And her financial situation with her FI and her living situation is none of your business and has no baring on the fact that you are pissed because you didn't get a whole year for it to be all about you. You complaining that she likes your centerpieces and wants to use them at her wedding is ridiculous.  You should take that as a compliment that she loves your style and ideas.  It would be like me complaining that my friend who is getting married in April is using the same baker as me and is using a similar centerpiece as me.  Her wedding and my wedding are two completely different events even if some of the aspects may be similar.  I could careless.  In fact I am happy she is using the same baker because the cupcakes I had at my wedding were freaking delicious! Both you and OP need to take a chill pill.  This is something completely ridiculous to be upset about.  If you don't want her "stealing" your ideas then stop sharing them.  But in the end you get ONE day and your cousin gets ONE day.  Period.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]
For serious. Sweetmustang, every single wedding I've ever attended could have had precisely the same centerpieces, and I guarantee you that I wouldn't have noticed. I couldn't describe the centerpieces, or even the decorations, at any wedding I've ever attended without cheating and looking at pictures. What I DO remember is whether I had fun and whether the food was good, and that's something you hope to get out of every party you go to.

LDubHawksFan

I agree with most PP about you overreacting to this one.  First of all, she doesn't have to do a lot for your wedding, and you aren't required to throw her parties either.  If you want, that is fine, but there will be time for it.  And your rational for why it is financially a problem for you since you are planning your wedding, it goes the other way around and your sister is going to have the same issues.  It seems that both of you will just have to tone down all of the money that you were expecting to spend.  If anything, I would feel the worst for your parents if they are contributing/paying because now they are out a ton of money 4 months aparts.

Regardless, you get one day, she gets one day.  Your planning can coincide...although I think it was rude of her to call your decor tacky.  I have a set of friends that picked the Friday after our Saturday wedding.  At first we were a little bummed, because we aren't sure if our mutual group will go to back to back weddings, and we aren't sure if we want to put off our honeymoon to go to their wedding.  Am I upset about it?  No.  Just be happy for your sister!

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-is-planning-a-wedding-4-months-after-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9f56aee5-4a50-40b5-99c7-9514c2fd71e5Post:558d71c9-a279-47e3-9e8f-edcc6437d4e0">Re: Sister is planning a wedding 4 months after mine...</a>:
[QUOTE]Guess Im the minority here, but that would irritate me too. My younger cousin had been engaged for a year when I got engaged, and they were going to wait a few years to get married (since they are both so young and cant afford to live on their own). Then I got engaged and set my date for 6 months later. Two months after I set my date, she announced they had set their date. I was excited for her, but then her date is 5 months after mine. Not a big deal, right? Wrong! Now she is all into planning (as she should be) but at every family function, she always has to talk about her plans, her wedding, and mine seems to be forgotten. (She is also one of my bridesmaids), the first time she saw my wedding centerpieces, she said "I"ll have to use these for my wedding"....yes a wedding is 1 day, but there is a lot of stuff that goes on leading up to it. There are a lot of people in my family, and I always seem to get overlooked, <strong>so I was really excited to be the center of attention for once in my life</strong>, and now I have to share that attention with my loud cousin. Once my wedding is over, she will still have another 5 months of attention......oh and I forgot to mention, they still cant afford to live on their own, they plan on living with her parents after they are married...indefinitely.....maybe she was jealous when she saw me starting the planning process so she decided to jump on the bandwagon. Oh well!
Posted by sweetmustang16[/QUOTE]

If you're getting married in order to be the center of attention, you're doing it wrong.

heylady87

My future sister-in-law is getting married three months after me and in a foreign country where family members will be traveling. I don't give a hoot.

A wedding is not a competition to see whose is more beautiful, more thought-out, more personalized, more expensive, more entertaining. It's supposed to celebrate love between two people. If you're doing it to compete, well, best of luck to you.

You're very much over-reacting.

beautifulvice

You're overreacting.

One of my friends and I got engaged within two months of each other and we're getting married within two months of each other (we're also bridesmaids for each other) and I couldn't be happier.  It's great to have someone else who's caught up in 'wedding fever' and happy to look through wedding magazines at dresses and little boxes with bows.  Use the situation to your advantage: you likely have a MOH who's as excited about wedding stuff as you are.

lpowers1118

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-is-planning-a-wedding-4-months-after-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9f56aee5-4a50-40b5-99c7-9514c2fd71e5Post:1e29dcc5-b11e-437a-a2ea-d4b96f97d403">Re: Sister is planning a wedding 4 months after mine...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister is planning a wedding 4 months after mine... :<strong> If you're getting married in order to be the center of attention, you're doing it wrong</strong>.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]


Well said!!!! 

Winnertag1

4 months after your're wedding is not close to you're wedding. Stop over reacting. If it is within a few weeks I could understand, but 4 months? No.

Summer2011Bride

You are way overreacting. Sister decides to marry one or two weeks after you? I can see being upset especially if you have lots of OOT guests that may now have to choose between your weddings. Four months apart? No way. As a guest, even an OOT one, I would have no problem traveling to two weddings four months apart.

Just take a deep breath and relax. If you want to be super involved in planning her wedding, that is your CHOICE. It sounds like it is just adding stress, so I would say to just focus on your own wedding and not your sister's. If you want to get involved, you could always wait until after your wedding since you've got four whole months between them!

lpheath

My sister got married about one month after her husband's brother got married. Both couples were in the other's wedding party. They had no problems. Plus the only thing you have to do for her wedding is get a dress and same for her. She will understand if you don't have the time or finances to do more. She can plan her own wedding and you can plan your own.

bonge

4 months is not that close. I don't get the surprise date though. Stop talking wedding details if everything is so tacky. 

erbear84

One of my best friends and BM is getting married two weeks after I am in a dfiferent city and I'm in her wedding, too.  I like being able to bounce ideas off of someone and have a friend going through exactly the same things!   Get over it.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-is-planning-a-wedding-4-months-after-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9f56aee5-4a50-40b5-99c7-9514c2fd71e5Post:e7f702ba-e2a4-438c-b740-eb8441ef5dd8">Re: Sister is planning a wedding 4 months after mine...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister is planning a wedding 4 months after mine... : I HATE the "she's just jealous" excuse that gets thrown around these boards so much. Ugh. Not everyone is jealous of someone else's wedding.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

This. Most people don't give a rat's ass what your wedding is going to be like.  They want to plan the wedding they want.  What you think is fabulous, others may think is pretentious.  What you think is sweet and simple, may be seen by others as boring.

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-is-planning-a-wedding-4-months-after-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9f56aee5-4a50-40b5-99c7-9514c2fd71e5Post:fed16aad-8e57-4b6d-a2a2-f9da7c57849c">Re:Sister is planning a wedding 4 months after mine...</a>:
[QUOTE]Am I the only one who wants to know what plans are too tacky for OP's sister to use in her wedding? Sorry, but I'm reserving judgement on whether she was wrong to say it until I know what they are.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

me me me me me !!!   I am SO curious what was so tacky !!!

kaitlyn&henry

4 months after my wedding i completely forgot about my wedding...dont get me wrong, it was beautiful and wonderful and everything i dreamed but its one day. Its fun to look back on and some really great memories, but really the most important thing is who you are marrying and THAT connection...the wedding and the details are more or less materialistic (aside from the actual ceremony and vows obviously)

We went to a friends wedding 3 weeks after ours who was our Best man and it was fine! We all had a great laugh because their Dj did a number where he announced how many years being together to come out and dance from oldest anniversary to youngest and our was so we were the last on the dance floor right before the bride and groom...

my point is, look at the positive and realize its not a contest, its just about the union and getting to commit to being with the people you both love. Its about the lifetime ahead NOT the wedding.

Fancypantsamy

One of my best friends is getting married a little less than 4 months before me, and one of my other close friends is getting married 4 months after me. I'm in both wedding parties and you know what? It's awesome. It's been so fun having other people who have wedding brain to chat with, and it's been super helpful when buying things (the girl who's getting married next week and I went halveses on some basic centrepiece items that can be repurposed, etc.)

And honestly it's really not that hard to plan a party. Be it a wedding, bachelorette, shower, etc. I helped throw an awesome shower for my friend who'd getting married now, and I thought it was really lucky that I would have a month to relax after my wedding before preping to throw one for the girl who'd getting married after me. Focus on how nice it is to be sharing this special time. I'm so glad that I can always remember the fun my two friends and I have all had anticipating such an awesome change in our lives - together. 

pomundson0

My BFF and I are getting married two weeks apart actually  I made sure to check with her, since she was engaged first, before making anything set as far as a date to make sure she could still make it (I didn't want to jump in front of hers, mine is two weeks after).  We're in two different states, she's one of my BMs and I'm her MOH. It's actually helped our sanity a bit being able to ping ideas and vent frustrations because we're going through the same thing, it's made us even closer I think   Try to look at it as a positive  And remember to stand up for yourself if too much is getting thrown on you