Wedding Party Help PLEASE

rjkesq82

I thought the wedding planning would be the hard part and choosing  the wedding party would be the easy part; but it's funny how politics always finds it's place in every aspect of life!!! 

We are inviting between 250 and 300 people to our wedding. My FI has 7 bridesmaids and I have 10 guys that I simply can NOT imagine not including each of them.

We both have a tremendous network of people and have gone to college, graduate school, etc. We've lived in different areas of the country; my profession requires I meet and interact with many other professionals. So needless to say, over the years, you meet a lot of people and make a few dear friends along the way. My 10 include my 2 best friends (both best man and both I've known since we were 13).

My 3rd guy is another friend since childhood who asked me to be in his wedding next year as well.

4 and 5 round out our tight knit high school group of friends (and I actually see 4 and 5 more than the rest because we all still live near eachother - usually once or twice a week); 

6 and 7 went to college with me, number 2, and number 5 (yes me and 2 of my closest friends all went to college together, lol)  We did everything together; partied together, played video games together, went on vacations together.

8 is my brother (he's only 18 or he would be up for best man contention - my mother got remarried when I was 12 so you can do the math)

9 is my Cousin who was LIKE a brother from ages 4 to 18 and then again from 26-30 (current day) when I moved back after law school. We don't see eachother or talk as much as all the other guys but enough to where we are still close. 

10 is my Uncle who is also my God father...when my Dad left (his brother) he stayed in my life and we were very close (my Dad left the state)...He would always slip me cash on the side when I needed it to go out and have fun with my friends in High School...We see eachother now every Monday (current day) for dinner and movie/TV show on Netflix...He and I have done fantasy sports together since I was 14 (he got me in my first league with he and his friends) I rent my apartment from him and he gives me a rate I would NEVER find anywhere else. He has told me I am like the son he never had.  It could DEF be argued he should be best man.

It should also be noted, and you may all not believe this, but EVERY one of these guys that I listed, outside of my brother and cousin (yes my Uncle is in our league - also, the uncle is on opposite side of family than my cousin, they are not related), are in our VERY serious fantasy football league. We get together AT LEAST twice a year for our Draft, midseason party, and Superbowl. So ALL these guys are tight too because I kind of brought everyone together. We also do an NCAA and Madden (Xbox) online dynasty/franchise EVERY year which keeps up in touch on an almost DAILY basis and the guys in that are # 1, 3, 4, 5, 7, and 8. 

Everyone ALWAYS tells me how lucky I am to have such a tight-knit, close, group of friends after all these years. And I can say without embarrassment, going to school for as long as I did, they have ALL helped me out at one time or another and in one fashion or another. I really have the best friends you could ever imagine. 

Do you now see my problem? How do I just tell one or two of these guys that they can't be in it? I realize 10 groosmen seems excessive for a wedding which MAY only wind up with 200-250 guests after RSVP's, but I just can't picture any other way.

Advice?

aerinpegadrak

Ask the people you want to ask.  If you can't imagine getting married without 10 guys with you, ask all 10.  It would be a shame to exclude someone you really want to have for something as silly as numbers.

Maggie0829

Don't worry about numbers especially on the wedding party to guest ratio.  Ask who you want and if that means you have 10 groomsmen then you have 10 groomsmen.  Period.

OBX2011

If you want 10, then have 10. This is one of the biggest days of your lives, so have zero regrets and just go for it! 

If this makes you happy and FI is fine with it, then there is no issue to be had here.  Everyone is happy in the end.....and that is allllllll that matters.

OliveOilsMom

Uneven sides is fine.  Have all of the guys you want standing up for you that day.  During the processional, a couple lucky ladies will be escorted by 2 guys instead of 1. 

aragx6

Sides definitely don't need to be even -- lots of people have shunned this silly tradition. It makes far more sense to have those you care about there with you on the day of. Ask all 10 and don't worry about it at all.

bratto06

Its your day!!! WHoo HOO ask who ever you want all of none.. the peopl up there should be supportive and be part of you friends and family that you can imagine not being there...I think its not a problem at all having uneven sides

msuprincess04

While I think wedding parties that big are a bit absurd, I think if that's who's important to you, then do it. It's up to you who you want on your side.

rjkesq82

Thanks everyone for your great input! I value the good advice and think I am going to take it!!!

msuprincess - Is MSU - Michigan State University? If so, I lived on Abbott Road in Law School..right off of Grand River...Many Wednesday nights at Harpers for half off everything! ha ha

msuprincess, I agree I can see the point of view of large wedding parties "being absurd," but as my original question posed "What's the solution?"

Because my personal feeling on "Picking your brother/family just because they are family" is also ABSURD - and a lot more absurd than large wedding parties. But so far in this process, I've read many articles and seen many things that advise to pick brothers/sisters just because it's "the right thing to do." Well doesn't it make more sense to pick the people who ACTUALLY deserve to be standing there? The people you would call if you needed help, would (and have) had your back in a tough situation, people you see/talk to regularly, people who know your deepest secrets and were probably there for the creation of most of them, lol. With siblings, that is VERY rare, yet people all say "pick your brother/sister." Just doesn't seem genuine to me.

So I ask again msuprincess, what is the alternative to a large wedding party in my situation? Or did you mean large wedding parties when everyone ISN'T as close as my friends and I. Because I have seen large wedding parties where I KNOW the people aren't all that close and they still do it anyway, haha.

joe&cassie

I think everyone already answered your question for you.  Uneven sides are absolutely ok.  If you don't want it to seem weird then have the guys enter from the side or something with the groom and then have the ladies walk by themselves.  I highly doubt that someone will be sitting there counting how many people you have on each side. 

Maggie0829

I think msuprincess just thinks that all huge WPs parties are absurb not just yours.  I tend to have to agree with her because I have been to some weddings where the WP had 24 people in it, crazy in my eyes.  BUT that does not mean that we are telling you to not have 10 people.  If that is what you want who cares if some strangers on the internet think large WPs are ridiculous.

If you want 10 people have 10 people.  This is your wedding day and if that is what you want do you really care what people think about the number of people standing next to you?

aerinpegadrak

Well, a lot of people tend to look at huge WPs and think that the couple must have asked everyone they know, or just think that it looks silly.  And people are entitled to that opinion, but at the same time, this is one of those areas where that opinion isn't something you need to consider.  A reasonable person isn't going to have their feelings hurt or enjoy the party any less because of the size of your WP (unless you're cutting back on things that will affect their enjoyment of the party to accommodate that many attendants, but that seems unlikely), so it's fine to say that it's your wedding and you'll make the choice that works for you.

 Everyone make choices for their weddings that other people might side-eye.  But as long as you're properly hosting your guests, go for it.  If anything, it's better that you know that people might side-eye you for the massive WP (although personally, I think that 7 per side is where you cross over into massive territory, so you might as well go for it) so that you can get used to the idea so it doesn't bug you later.

S6ix

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9f9dfe6e-f73e-4df9-abbc-66bd3575909ePost:648c7440-389e-4794-8913-48f94385d60d">Re: Wedding Party Help PLEASE</a>:
[QUOTE]Everyone make choices for their weddings that other people might side-eye..
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]



That by far is the biggest lesson I've learned during the wedding planning process. Everything you do has the potential to make someone mad.

We are having 10 groomsmen and 5 bridesmaids. It just worked out that way. We know some people may think it is excessive but really it doesn't matter at all. We will also have 300 ppl at the wedding. They're all getting free drinks all night and some awesome food and cake, so it's all good.

rjkesq82

Very well said. It's funny because I've learned NO MATTER WHAT you do in life, people have opinions. Everyone loves to stand on top of an ivory tower and pass out judgments. I didn't even realize - my best man's brother had more groomsmen than his wife had birdesmaids...I didn't even notice and I was at the wedding!!!!! Lol. Who is really sitting in their chair counting that stuff? Pretty sad if they are! Haha And like I said, I think picking attendants for "political/right thing to do" reasons is absurd - so I guess if people want to think me picking my closest friends/family is absurd that is obviously well within their right. And I am confident people will still have weddings doing the  "political/right thing to do" in spite of my personal disdain for it; and I am confident that other people will still pick large WP in spite of others distaste for it. 

willywally5

I think it is absolutely fine ... you must be a helluva nice guy to have so many long-term friends and your concern about hurt feelings if you don't ask them is very thoughtful as well. Nobody will care if the sides aren't even; if they don't like big wedding parties, oh well. Guess they can have a small one. 

Me? I'd be like, great wedding; very romantic.  Let's eat ...