Why can't they just order their dresses???

jeb113

I think that it's not necessary to order them quite so early and it is somewhat unreasonable to get so upset.

With that being said, I do understand what you're feeling.  Maybe if you talk to your bridesmaids and say, "I'm sorry for sounding bitchy that wasn't my intention.  The store told me they had to be ordered by this date.  I have a lot of things on my to-do list and it would help me out a lot if you would get this done so I can get it checked off my list."    Hopefully they'll order them after that, but if not, don't stress and just let it go.  It will work out. 

By the way, DB also told me that it would take 3-4 months for my dress and approximately 12 weeks for the bridesmaid dresses.  I got mine in 1 1/2 weeks and the girls' dresses came in within 4 weeks.  I think they just say the extra time to cover themselves in case something happens. 

marianne1245

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:8fb7cc67-bf7e-4fbc-81ca-86176ddd8b24">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, who called you a bitch?  Except for your MOH.
Posted by duckie1905[/QUOTE]

About 10 or 11 responses in bablingbrooke said that my behavior was why my MOH called me a bitch.  She seemed to agree with my MOH.  So, although she didn't call me a bitch she certainly agreed that I was one. 

trix1223

marianne, it appears that you really want affirmation.  If that's the case, then may I suggest a local area board?  They tend to be more affirming~less honest, but more affirming.

If you will stop being defensive and argumentative you'll find that these boards are very helpful.  On this board, we don't know you.  We don't have a vested interest in not hurting your feelings.  We'll tell you what you NEED to hear, even if it's not necessarily what you WANT to hear. 

We'll say what your friends and family are thinking, but won't tell you.  I think our function here is to give some much needed reality checks to women who have been, unfortunately led astray by the clever marketers of the vast wedding industry.

They'll convince you that these things matter:  shoes, jewelry, hair, make-up, manicures, even numbers on each side of a WP and more.  We're here to tell you that NONE of that really matters.  None.

At the end of the day, you'll still be married to the man you love enough to commit the rest of your life to.  Will you enjoy that special moment any less if you have 2 in your WP and he has 3?  If your answer is yes, then your priorities are completely and totally screwed up.

You don't treat your friends like the infants you care for in the daycare for anything else do you?  Then trust that they're adults and will do what you ask them. 

Planning a wedding shouldn't be causing you this much stress.  If it is, you're doing something wrong.  Relax.  Enjoy the planning. 

marianne1245

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:4af228ed-9758-414b-b4ec-2970b44f168b">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]marianne, it appears that you really want affirmation.  If that's the case, then may I suggest a local area board?  They tend to be more affirming~less honest, but more affirming. If you will stop being defensive and argumentative you'll find that these boards are very helpful.  On this board, we don't know you.  We don't have a vested interest in not hurting your feelings.  We'll tell you what you NEED to hear, even if it's not necessarily what you WANT to hear.  We'll say what your friends and family are thinking, but won't tell you.  I think our function here is to give some much needed reality checks to women who have been, unfortunately led astray by the clever marketers of the vast wedding industry. They'll convince you that these things matter:  shoes, jewelry, hair, make-up, manicures, even numbers on each side of a WP and more.  We're here to tell you that NONE of that really matters.  None. At the end of the day, you'll still be married to the man you love enough to commit the rest of your life to.  Will you enjoy that special moment any less if you have 2 in your WP and he has 3?  If your answer is yes, then your priorities are completely and totally screwed up. You don't treat your friends like the infants you care for in the daycare for anything else do you?  Then trust that they're adults and will do what you ask them.  Planning a wedding shouldn't be causing you this much stress.  If it is, you're doing something wrong.  Relax.  Enjoy the planning. 
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

It's not the honesty that I mind.  It's the way it was expressed.  It also bothers me that people assume that when I talked to my bridesmaids that I was pushy, negative, and hassling them.  What I sent them was nothing like that.  I didn't treat them like infants or even close to that. 

I don't care about uneven numbers.  We already have them.  I just know that it could create family drama if some of them aren't in the wedding.  It also means a lot to my fiance that his family is in the wedding. 

I agree that at the end of the day all that matters is that I marry the man that I love.  With that being said I don't want resentment or drama because that will last long beyond the wedding day.

Licia&Wayne

Marianne, the family drama that will be created if they don't get the dress isn't on your hands, so I wouldn't worry about that at all. If they cannot get the dress by your wedding date, it is their fault. You have given them the information they need to get the dress, and that's where your responsibility ends.

And while you think you may have sent a few harmless emails out to your wedding party, those emails can be seen as, "She doesn't trust us to get the dresses on time. What a jerk." Even if those aren't the intentions you had, that's probably how they took it, especially if your MOH thinks your were acting out of line.

FWIW, I'm getting married a day after you. While I plan on getting the BM dresses squared away this month, I know it might not happen. I trust my friends and family to get their dresses, even if that means they waited too long and have to place a rush order in a couple of months, check out eBay or buy something off the rack. It is their responsibility, not yours.

Take PPs advice and chill.

megk8oz

I started planning my 01/01/10 wedding at the end of July 2009. We ordered BM dresses through David's the first week of August. The dresses literally arrive a week later.

I repeat: my younger sister needed a larger size. She gained some weight between receiving the dress and the actual wedding. A week out, realizing the dress was not going to be able to be altered to fit her, she called up 4 different stores until she found one that had the size she needed and then paid the extra money for a "rush" on the new dress's alterations. She had a dress that fit the day of the wedding.

And lots of the regs here will tell you I was mad at my sister about the situation, because I did post to vent about it. But like everybody told you: as long as the day of she showed up in the dress and it fit, it was not worth getting stressed out over. Had my wedding day arrived and she was dress-less, I would have done my best to enjoy my day and then dealt with being mad at her later.  And you know what? I can honestly say, I do not regret not wasting time freaking out about it.

LD1970

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:0e59ef2d-e18a-46c4-a26c-b7f41b006326">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]The color is Sangria.  Maybe the store was exaggerating on the timeline for ordering but I don't want to take the chance.  I'm sure each of you felt the same way for your weddings.
Posted by marianne1245[/QUOTE]
They always overestimate on the ordering time.  Breathe; it'd be ok, I promise.  Trust your bridesmaids to do their job.

marianne1245

To clarify:  I sent out a total of 2 emails.  The first was in March giving all the information for the dresses including the deadline.  The second was on June 3rd saying that we had missed the deadline and the store said that the color was hard to get in.  I told them I had picked 2 dates at the end of June that we could meet and order the dresses.  I also said if they wanted to go on their own it was fine as long as it was done by the end of June.

On a positive note I just got a call from one of the bridesmaids.  She and two others went to the store this afternoon and picked out their dresses.  Yay!!  They are concerned that another bridesmaid will want the same dress.  I don't care if 2 have the same dress but they think the bridesmaids might feel differently.  So now I'm going to send an email asking for their opinions.  What are the chances all 7 of them feel the same way or am I going to receive mixed reactions.  Should be interesting

trix1223

If you told them they could get whatever dresses they wanted, then it's not at all a big deal is two choose the same dress....or 3 or 4 or 7.  You didn't say they all had to get different dresses, did you?

So if someone starts to complain to you, tell them that you're just happy that they've gotten a dress that they like and in which they feel beautiful. That's the beauty of "choose your own dress" weddings.

As a guest, I could really not care less about the dresses the WP are wearing.  Unless of course, they're in red, white, and blue sequined strapless mini dresses.  

Charlemegne

Hi Marianne,

I just wanted to let you know I understand your concern and wanting to feel validated (however, I've also learned the hard way this isn't necessarily the place to do it).

If these bridesmaids have a history of procrastinating and they need to be special ordered, there's no reason for them not to get it out of the way now.

There are nicer ways to express opinions some people are sharing on these boards. Good luck with your wedding and keep your head high!

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:89e768fa-5c21-4624-8c99-ccc1d592c4da">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Marianne, I just wanted to let you know I understand your concern and wanting to feel validated (however, I've also learned the hard way this isn't necessarily the place to do it). If these bridesmaids have a history of procrastinating and they need to be special ordered, there's no reason for them not to get it out of the way now. There are nicer ways to express opinions some people are sharing on these boards. Good luck with your wedding and keep your head high!
Posted by Charlemegne[/QUOTE]

Charlemegne, that you asked how to put your future in-laws between a rock and a hard place and were told that doing so was completely inappropriate is you creating your own misfortune.  This is a forum to get constructive advice - and not for sugar coating.  As I said in the other post, I think  YOU could have handled things on this board better as well.

OP, just relax.  Your BMs have been around the block and you need to trust them.  The only thing they need to do is get the dress.  If they don't get it - they removed themselves from the wedding by default.  You've done all you can do so just wash your hands of it.

marianne1245

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:0a2e323c-e035-4ed9-8085-62e898513598">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why can't they just order their dresses??? : Charlemegne, that you asked how to put your future in-laws between a rock and a hard place and were told that doing so was completely inappropriate is you creating your own misfortune.  This is a forum to get constructive advice - and not for sugar coating.  As I said in the other post, I think  YOU could have handled things on this board better as well. OP, just relax.  Your BMs have been around the block and you need to trust them.  The only thing they need to do is get the dress.  If they don't get it - they removed themselves from the wedding by default.  You've done all you can do so just wash your hands of it.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

It's one thing to criticize someone in their own post but when you continue the criticism in a completely separate and unrelated post then you seem like a bully. 

LD1970

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:42b55694-e861-40d8-9daf-6c042552a090">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why can't they just order their dresses??? : It's one thing to criticize someone in their own post but when you continue the criticism in a completely separate and unrelated post then you seem like a bully. 
Posted by marianne1245[/QUOTE]
On the other hand, Charlemagne was the one who brought her antagonism from other posts to this thread.

Charlemegne

I apologize for the antagonism, I just felt like Marianne was being ganged up on and wanted to lend her a show of support.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:42b55694-e861-40d8-9daf-6c042552a090">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why can't they just order their dresses??? : It's one thing to criticize someone in their own post but when you continue the criticism in a completely separate and unrelated post then you seem like a bully. 
Posted by marianne1245[/QUOTE]

Nope - I'm moderating. 

I don't think it's appropriate to bring the baggage from one thread to the other - particularly after good advice was given in the other thread.

These boards are about great advice - not validation.  I think that both threads were filled with great advice.  If validation is what was sought, unfortunately both OPs came to the wrong place then.

banana468

Also marianne, I gave you great advice in my post.  I find it insulting that you didn't bother to read it.

duckie1905

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:e1a0050b-c0d5-4fa0-968e-56031cf741f4">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE] As a guest, I could really not care less about the dresses the WP are wearing.  Unless of course, they're in red, white, and blue sequined strapless mini dresses.   =)
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

<div>that would be HOT!!! :)
</div>

bablingbrooke

You complained that she called you a biitch and wondered why.  I pointed out in 1 or 2 posts (11 or 12?  I posted less than 5 times in this thread!) that you not trusting her to be an adult is why she blew her top.

If you want to play victim at least get your stats right.

Mrs.B6302007

BB- I think she may have meant about the 11th post into the thread rather than actually quoting it.

bablingbrooke

Ah, now I see it.  

Mrs.B6302007

I actually read that one twice awhile ago because I thought the same thing - BB didn't post that much! =-)

marianne1245

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:46ee5b80-df19-472f-8633-06c50f9fb1a5">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why can't they just order their dresses??? : On the other hand, Charlemagne was the one who brought her antagonism from other posts to this thread.
Posted by LD1970[/QUOTE]

She didn't bring any antagonism into this thread.  She didn't say anything about the specifics of her situation, she just said she understood.  All she did was offer support and empathy.  And for that, I thank her. 

bablingbrooke

Go ahead and listen to the one person offering you validation, not the 15 who say that you made a mistake here.

Honestly, if a bride has a problem with one BM, that's not uncommon and the BM can definitely be the one to blame.  Two, I question it.  ALL BMs and I fault the bride.  Her friends didn't likely get together and conspire to ruin her day, she likely did something to piss them all off.

ETA: The people at DB work on commission and want a sale.  Today.  I got snookered into that when I bought my wedding dress--I was told that it was going to be discontinued.  Six months later, what dress do I see other BMs trying on?  Same one.

marianne1245

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:8eef1a8e-7592-493f-a3ac-d23a258abfde">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]Also marianne, I gave you great advice in my post.  I find it insulting that you didn't bother to read it.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

What makes you think I didn't read it?  By the time it was posted I had already said that 3 bridesmaid just went looking at dresses and was excited.  I had chilled out.

banana468

Marianne, she DID indeed bring baggage from the old thread to this one.

Then, that you decided to respond to me by calling me a bully is truly uncalled for.

marianne1245

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:ca91e4d3-80aa-4b43-bdc8-1e9924c8cd3c">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]I actually read that one twice awhile ago because I thought the same thing - BB didn't post that much! =-)
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

That explains a lot.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:7744b86e-103e-415a-af87-989ea12e904d">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why can't they just order their dresses??? : What makes you think I didn't read it?  By the time it was posted I had already said that 3 bridesmaid just went looking at dresses and was excited.  I had chilled out.
Posted by marianne1245[/QUOTE]

It's great that you chilled out. 

You do need to understand though that as a moderator, I'll respond to all kinds of posts within a thread as necessary.

bablingbrooke

Why do you keep posting if you dislike everyone's advice?  If everyone's so mean, why keep subjecting yourself to it?

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:c39b7bc7-3b9f-421e-946c-a0eceefc3b80">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why can't they just order their dresses??? : That explains a lot.
Posted by marianne1245[/QUOTE]

??

banana468

Marianne, you seem to be harboring an attitude about this thread.

I think the people here gave you great advice and you need to relax.   Take a hot bath, drink some wine, or  zone out in front of the TV.  But please, take a breather from the thread.  I think if you sleep on things, you'll find that you're feeling a bit more at ease about the entire situation and the advice that you received here.  If you just sit and let it fester, I think you may say things that you'll regret - if you haven't done so already.