This is going to take a bit of explaining....
Long story short, my mother has been with a guy for a few years (awesome guy, my toddler loves him and calls him grandpa and everything). He's VERY laid back. You know, the kind of guy who will go along with anything unless it bugs him, then he puts his foot down (for example, mom had 2 dogs and a cat, and he already had a few pets, and would only let her take 1 dog with when she moved in... so my husband and I got stuck caretaking the other cat and dog because we live in one of her rental houses for cheap)
ANYWAY.... she's been talking about marriage. Now, he hasn't proposed, and she said she doesn't want to propose. The guy is like "whatever" with the idea of marriage. Honestly, I think he doesn't want to get married... but he kind of just completely ignores the topic. So mom has been starting plans on her wedding. I feel like she's pushing it on her, which is SOOO like her, but that's another story.
Anyway, we had talked about this once before, but my mother has very..... selective memory? I don't have a father. Yet another long story. So when I got married, I paid my mother's flight ticket to come down to latin america and walk me down the isle (I was living abroad and got married in latin america).
My mother, in the past, has mentioned she wants her sister to be her maid of honor... which I know is silly, but it bugs me. Perhaps you'd understand better if I say... EVERY time there is a choice to be made between me and someone else, mom chooses that someone else. Her ex fiance's daughter, or my brother's ex long term gf before he came out of the closet... she'd choose to go on a trip or do something social every day off for the first couple of years of my daughter's life rather than babysit her even once. She only started watching her a few hours once a week last year. She would make any excuse at all to NOT watch my daughter or spend any time with her until she turned 3.... or to not spend any mother/daughter time with me. I extremely disliked her ex fiance's daughter because she was just about the most selfish, self centered, spoiled brat I have ever met in my life (you know, the kind that EXPECTS everyone to do everything for them... and even at 20 years old will throw a royal temper tantrum if you don't?) and when I got mad at her when I first moved back to the country, mom would stick up for her.
Basically, I'm her only daughter, and I always come 2nd or not at all in her book. So when she told me today that she didn't intend to have me in her wedding party AT ALL... I was crushed. When she asked if I was jealous of her sister... I bluntly told her, well, yeah... I'm your daughter and you don't even want to include me... it hurts!
Then she said she might consider having me in the party... but I'm going to complicate things because her boyfriend has 1 daughter and 2 sons, and she has a 2nd sister.. and then the party will have to get "big".
I don't think she understands... it doesn't matter if she just includes her older sister, or if she includes her older sister and me... her younger sister will either feel left out or not, even if she only includes her older sister.
Ok.... I'm just ranting.... I'm sorry
I just need someone to tell me I'm not nuts for feeling hurt that she didn't even want to include me in the wedding party. I guess I should be used to it... but I guess I just want to feel like the most special person to my mom for once. She only has my brother and I... and I always feel like I'm put on the back burner. She always told me she wanted more kids... and I feel like she has done everything possible to get as many surrogate kids as possible... but in the process she always seems to forget that I actually AM her daughter. This is just the straw that broke the camal's back I guess, and I'm in tears... even though I feel foolish for it.
Anyway, to anyone who reads this, thanks for giving me a little bit of your time. Do you think I should just give up on her and let it be? Or do you think I should make it clear that her not wanting me to be the maid of honor, or even a maid at all... really hurts?
I'm in between being hurt, and not wanting anything to do with the stupid wedding she is pushing on a guy who really is not interested in getting married. I just wish someone would teach her how to love her own daughter
Because I feel like she's a fair weather mom, unless you're not her real kid... then she can't wait to show you what a great mom she is (oh, don't worry... she brags to everyone that will listen that she is an awesome mom and grandma) She used to be a really loving mom, when I was a young kid
But we had a lot of family problems, and I think she is partially bitter at me because of them, maybe because she knows deep down I half blame her, or maybe because deep down she blames me? I don't know.
I just want her to choose me, her own daughter, for once in my life... over everyone else. But I feel like that is never going to happen :-/