Wedding Party

Letting friends down easy

Hello All,

I have a group of 4 friends who I keep in contact with from high school.  I want two of them to be in my wedding party.  The other two, who I rarely see other than bi-monthly get togethers, who I never talk to on the phone, and who I don't particularly like and am not close to, seem to think they should also be in my bridal party.  I'm the first in our group to get married and they are super excited about everything. 

Up until this point I'm mostly ignoring them - I didn't let them know I was going dress shopping and I don't tell them many details when we get together.  I already have a sister and my roommate from university who will be co-MOH.  I don't want to invite these girls to stand up with me - I don't like them very much.  I mostly put up with them because they are close with my other two friends.  At Christmas I have to start shopping for BM dresses since one of the girls is only in town for 3 weeks and is then going back to school on the West Coast.

Should I tell them is in my bridal party or should I let them figure it out for themselves?

Re: Letting friends down easy

  • I would just let them figure it out. Have you already asked the other two? If so, it's likely that they already know.
  • There's no nice way to say "just so you know, you're not in the WP." I definitely wouldn't bring it up yourself, but if they ask there's no reason to lie - just say who you've chosen, with no explanations of why. If they're so rude as to ask why they weren't chosen, all you need to say is "well I couldn't choose everyone I care about" and change the subject.
  • Don't tell them that they're not in it.  If they do pressure you, just say, "Actually, the bridal party will be X, Y, and Z."

    You owe them no explanation though.
  • I would let them figure it out. If they outright ask who you picked (Had this happen to me), don't be mean, but don't leave it where there's room for them to think "there's hope", just say "I picked X, Y and Z". 

    If you're planning on at least inviting them as guests, you can always tack on that you look forward to them attending as such. 

    There's no "polite" way to give a "Why You're Not In My BP" speech. Therefore, don't give one. If either of them directly ask for a reason "why" (Which is very rude to do), all you have to say is "Well, we just couldn't ask everybody". If it gets taken any farther on their end, just take to changing the subject.


    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • Thanks Ladies - I really hope that they can take a hint but tact is not a strong point for either of them.  The other girls know not to lead them on in any way and I haven't mentioned a thing about it to either of them.  I'll leave it at that and hope for the best.  I have to leave to go make Christmas cookies with my mom now!  Thanks for all your answers.
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