Money issue

Salsera29

So, as I posted on another baord, I am having a heck of a time picking bridesmaid dresses. I'm just not in love with most of them, and I can't seem to find the right shade of purple. (I have been ALL over the web and to a couple places in person.

So my point is, I did find a couple nice dresses in the right color but they're a lot more than I was planning on asking the girls to spend. Most BM dresses I have purchased in the past were all in the $160-$180 range. But the dresses I actualIy liked today are between $200-260. The one I loved is $375. 

I had my sister and MOH with me today and I asked them both to tell me honestlyif they thought the $260 one would be too much, and they both said, "We agreed to be in your wedding, so we agreed to buy a dress, Whatever you fall in love with, we'll make it work.

But I'm just concerned about my other BM's, I really really don't know them to say I'm a selfish brat for picking more expensive dresses. I know times are hard for everyone but I am not terribly close with there other girls (future SIL and FI's best friend) and I don't want to upset and stress them out. 

Any advice?

HobokensFury

Before you pick a dress ask each girl what their budget is and stay within it. You could always pick a color and length and have each girl pick their own dress.

FruitSnack84

The dresses I picked out are $350, so I'm splitting the cost for them because I realize it's a lot more than the expected bridesmaid dress cost.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_money-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a1643ba9-c781-4045-bb00-8db29c76c431Post:556ab269-742b-4c6c-8489-2e18b3ef4c67">Money issue</a>:
[QUOTE]So, as I posted on another baord, I am having a heck of a time picking bridesmaid dresses. I'm just not in love with most of them, and I can't seem to find the right shade of purple. (I have been ALL over the web and to a couple places in person. So my point is, I did find a couple nice dresses in the right color but they're a lot more than I was planning on asking the girls to spend. Most BM dresses I have purchased in the past were all in the $160-$180 range. But the dresses I actualIy liked today are between $200-260. The one I loved is $375.  I had my sister and MOH with me today and I asked them both to tell me honestlyif they thought the $260 one would be too much, and they both said, "We agreed to be in your wedding, so we agreed to buy a dress, Whatever you fall in love with, we'll make it work. But I'm just concerned about my other BM's, I really really don't know them to say I'm a selfish brat for picking more expensive dresses. I know times are hard for everyone but I am not terribly close with there other girls (future SIL and FI's best friend) and I don't want to upset and stress them out.  Any advice?
Posted by Salsera29[/QUOTE]


You should be asking each of your bridesmaids and MOH individually and privately what their budget is. Smallest number you get is the one you shop for. Don't ask them if X is too much, and don't ask them about budgets in a group setting.

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_money-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a1643ba9-c781-4045-bb00-8db29c76c431Post:556ab269-742b-4c6c-8489-2e18b3ef4c67">Money issue</a>:
[QUOTE]So, as I posted on another baord, I am having a heck of a time picking bridesmaid dresses. I'm just not in love with most of them, and I can't seem to find the right shade of purple. (I have been ALL over the web and to a couple places in person. So my point is, I did find a couple nice dresses in the right color but they're a lot more than I was planning on asking the girls to spend. Most BM dresses I have purchased in the past were all in the $160-$180 range. But the dresses I actualIy liked today are between $200-260. The one I loved is $375.  I had my sister and MOH with me today an<strong>d I asked them both to tell me honestlyif they thought the $260 one would be too much</strong>, and they both said, "We agreed to be in your wedding, so we agreed to buy a dress, Whatever you fall in love with, we'll make it work. But I'm just concerned about my other BM's, I really really don't know them to say I'm a selfish brat for picking more expensive dresses. I know times are hard for everyone but I am not terribly close with there other girls (future SIL and FI's best friend) and I don't want to upset and stress them out.  Any advice?
Posted by Salsera29[/QUOTE]

<div>The bold part is exactly how NOT to ask.  You put them on the spot and you chose a dress that you liked and then asked "is this too much?"  People put in a corner lile that will not be  honest.</div><div>
</div><div>You need to ask each one privately what <strong>their</strong> budget is for dress/alterations/etc.  THEN you choose the dress.  You really put them on the spot and that probably wasn't your intention.  Start over.  375 is crazy too much to ask from a BM.</div>

libby2483

There is no way I would pay that amount of money for a dress I will likely never wear again.  I think that is a ridiculous amount to spend, and I'm guessing your BMs feel the same way, but don't want to say it to your face because they are trying to make you happy.  Even if they won't tell you directly, chances are they aren't very happy with it.  

MyNameIsNot

You need to ask each girl, privately and individually, what she is comfortable spending.  Asking "Is $260 too much?" is not ok.  

You take the smallest budget and shop with that in mind.  If the dress goes over, you pay the difference, or just buy the dress.

$375 is completely outrageous for a BM dress.  If you want to buy them, go for it, but you just cannot ask your friends to spend that kind of money on a one time use dress.  If you're having a hard time finding something you like from BM designers, start looking at other options.  Places like department stores, J Crew, Ann Taylor, etc have tons of dresses that will work as BM dresses, are usually more flattering and well made, and usually fit into a reasonable budget.  

[Deleted User]

As PPs said, ask them, privately, what their budget is. And be prepared to have to look elsewhere. I wouldn't spend more than $200 on a BM dress. Frankly, I wouldn't want to spend more than $175. So, I'd definitely ask them first.

QueerFemme

I agree with everyone else.  That is way way way to much to pay for a BM dress.  I wouldn't ask my BMs more than 100-150 at most.  If you want that dress so bad, maybe you should find a way to budget for them and pay for them yourself.

dtbluv

Think about it like this, if you kicked in $200 for every dress, that would still be $175 left for the bridesmaids to pay.  Which is $40 above the American average for BM dresses.  And you would being paying an extra $800.  Doesn't that seem like a lot of money to you?  If it is something you wouldn't want to pay for yourself, please don't make other people pay for it.

I'd suggest finding something else.  Also, are you only looking at the colors online?  They may look quite a bit different in stores.  Maybe you could get a sample swatch and then take it to a Home Depot or wherever and look at it under lighting conditions similar to how your wedding will be lit.  Or you can explore different fabric options to see if one fabric looks more like the shade in your head than another.  Or, failing all else, since it is still 10 months away, maybe you can find a seamstress or someone on Etsy that can make a similar dress, cheaper, using the exact fabric you want.  (I don't know how viable the last option is, but it doesn't seem crazy to me)

renegade gaucho

I think you need to relax your expectations a little bit and expand the options for your bridesmaids to include something more affordable.  Obviously, your wedding is a big deal to you but really, the world won't end if the dresses aren't the perfect shade of purple or you don't absolutely love them.  $375 is an outrageous price for a poorly made dress that your friends don't even get to choose themselves and that they will be wearing once for only a few hours.

Ask each woman privately what her budget is and find a designer that makes dresses in the color you want within the stated budget.  If you want them to wear something more expensive, you pay the difference.

OliveOilsMom

Also, you may need to relax your wedding vision, if you can't find the exact shade of purple.  Why not try finding a neutral dress and then finding the right shade of purple at a fabric store.  Then either make them yourself or find a seamstress who can make them for you. 

I personally, would be hella pissed if I was told to spend $260 on a dress because it was "just the right" shade of purple.

Salsera29

Somehow I forgot about this post, and just saw all the responses now after I went back to read my old posts to see if I made an a$$ of myself before TK taught me how to be a bride. 

So the answer is, a little lol. Sorry this is so dated but thank you all for your responses. I did talk to BMs and I picked a designer who's dresses range between $130-180, and they're picking the one they want.

This wedding planning is crazy. I had all these ideas in my head (many of them completely selfish or etiquette breaches), then I come here and read about why they're a bad idea, and think, "Well duh that makes sense, what was I thinking?" Scary!

ETA: That being said, I swear I was never actually considering picking a $375 dress. I was just saying that that was the only one I had liked a the time.