• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Wedding Party

Yup...my bridesmaid is pregnant!!!

We are so excited and happy for her, but she will be 34 weeks pregnant at my wedding! That's so big! Also, she lives 1500 miles away and will have a two year old :/ I already plan to have the girls choose their own dresses, and to have a chair up at the altar for her if she needs it.

Any other advices, pros/cons? Also, how do I let her know that if she wants to back down, she doesn't need to worry about hurting my feelings without sounding like I'm asking her to?
"So what? So it's not going to be easy. It's gonna be hard.
Really hard. But I wanna do that because I want you
- all of you, you and me, every day. Forever."

Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Yup...my bridesmaid is pregnant!!!

  • Don't say anything about backing out.  As the wedding becomes closer, she may decide that the travel, 2 year old and being pregnant is too much and make her own choice to step down, but by no means suggest it to her or make mention of it.  Also, if she does decide to step down do not replace her.  My friend got married and one of her BM's was due the day of her wedding.  The BM was at the ceremony and stayed for the reception with no issues.  It was her first child and the baby came 2 weeks after her due date.  Every woman is different and every pregnancy is different so even though your friend already has a child, this pregnancy could be very different.  Only she will know how she's feeling and I'm sure if she's not feeling up to being in the wedding she will let you know.
  • My BM will be 36.5 weeks pregnant at our wedding. Luckily she doesn't need to fly to our wedding, so that risk is out. 

    I just asked my BM flat out, "are you still comfortable standing, honestly tell me, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable in any way" she said "absolutely!  I WANT to stand for you".  Her nerves were more centered around hurting me like "what if I go into preterm labour" "what if I am on bedrest", what if, what if.  My explanation was "if you truly want to stand, I definitely want you there.  If you for some reason cannot come due to the baby, then one guy has to walk by himself, no big deal".  Then I told her wear brown flip flops with her dress for any swelling and relax, lol. 

    We ordered Alfred Angelo dresses, they have 2 maternity long and 2 maternity short.  They measured her around the bust, that was it.  She went up several sizes by choice because obviously she does not know how big she'll be.  Turns out she already has a good bit of weight on at 6 months, so she is happy she went up about 6 sizes in the dress.
     
    Just ask your BM about flying, date of confinement, etc.  34 weeks she should be ok to fly, I think 36 is the cutoff, I could be wrong.  I hope this girl's husband is going with her, that is a long way to travel 34 weeks pregnant with a toddler in tow.
    BabyFruit Ticker BabyFetus Ticker image
    My BFP Chart
    || Ovulation Calendar image #1 BFP May 24/2012 - EDD Jan 21/2013 - M/C May 31/2012 #2 BFP Feb 5/2013 - EDD Oct 16/2013
  • We had a BM in almost the exact same situation except she already had a 3 year old and was high risk because of complications with her first pregnancy. She was still able to attend and be in the wedding. I think allowing her to choose her own dress and offering her a seat are great.

    I wouldn't mention backing down. I'd just inquire about how she is, like you normally would as a friend, and if she hints at not being able to attend or not being up for it, THEN I might say, "Hey, no hard feelings if you can't. I just want you to be OK." But I would only say that if SHE brings up possible not being able to be in the wedding.


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Vacation
  • I'm sure she's aware that not attending is an option.  I'd only tell her that you'd be okay with it if she brings it up first.  This is a decision that likely won't be able to be made until very close to the wedding, so it's not really worth worrying about until then.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • I thought once you got to a certain point you couldn't travel when you're pregnant? Any moms have clarification on this?

    I think its wonderful that you are happy for her. But please don't say anything about stepping down and also don't put emphasis on the fact that she will be so far along by the time your wedding rolls around.


    I've never been pregnant - however my little sister was MOH in her best friends wedding just a few weeks ago. Her due date was two weeks before the wedding. Her friend was so obnoxious the entire nine months. All she kept saying everytime she saw my sister was "You better have that baby on time" or "I hope you're not late." It was so stressfull on my sister that she eventually had to tell her that she was going to try everything humanly possible to be at the wedding but she couldn't control when the baby came.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_yupmy-bridesmaid-is-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a21e27c9-14ab-4307-98e2-391791baefeaPost:58eaeed1-1c3b-443b-b2ee-12c7431e7f80">Re: Yup...my bridesmaid is pregnant!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I thought once you got to a certain point you couldn't travel when you're pregnant?</strong> Any moms have clarification on this? I think its wonderful that you are happy for her. But please don't say anything about stepping down and also don't put emphasis on the fact that she will be so far along by the time your wedding rolls around. I've never been pregnant - however my little sister was MOH in her best friends wedding just a few weeks ago. Her due date was two weeks before the wedding. Her friend was so obnoxious the entire nine months. All she kept saying everytime she saw my sister was "You better have that baby on time" or "I hope you're not late." It was so stressfull on my sister that she eventually had to tell her that she was going to try <strong>everything humanly possible to be at the wedding but she couldn't control when the baby came.
    </strong>Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

    Typically doctors say to not fly after 35 weeks because of the chance that you may go into labor on the plane.  I don't think any momma-to-be wants to be 30,000 feet in the air on a long butt flight and go into labor.

    What you mean she couldn't just cross her legs if she went into labor at the wedding? LOL!

  • I really thought she was going to ask my sister to do nothing short of putting a cork up there. lol

    It worked out. She ended up having the baby two weeks before the wedding and no complications. And she fit into her dress really well.

    I just think its wrong when a bride thinks her wedding is more important than a person having a child (not thats what I think you're doing futuremrsgates becaue I don't! ).

  • I'd congratulate her and tell her that you will make any accomodations you need to to make her comfortable and leave it at that until the date gets closer.  If she mentions any complications that may keep her from attending, just be reassuring and let her know that you want her to do what's best for the baby first and she'll be "in" your wedding whether she can attend or not.
    Anniversary
  • Yikes. 
    1st, Mazel! Thats wonderful news!!  2nd - DEF dont say anything, just be supportive whatever may come 3rd watch out for hormonal outbursts ie; Im too big to wear a dress im not coming - things like that may not be as serious as your over stressed bridal brain and her over hormoned pregnant brain may think it is at the time. Usually - she/you/both will calm down and feel better and all is well with the world again - wait it out. If its for real, understand and dont be resentful. 4th and most importantly - 1500 miles?? Hows Mama getting to the wed?? Most likly flying will be out of the question and driving that far is even more dangerous. If her OB tells her its a no-no be as supportive as you possibly can and have a back up plan of something special that the 2 of you (plus hubbys and babies) can do after the wedding as Im sure she and you will both be upset about it a little. I would be upset if I missed a close friends wedding bc of a pregnancy. But both occasions are very very happy times so keep it light!! Congrats to both!!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards