Wedding Party

BM who is very judgemental of other BMs

I have a situation with one of my BMs and am not sure how to handle it.  One of my BMs, S, hasn't been a bridesmaid before and is SUPER excited about being a bridesmaid.  She is really into every wedding related activity and insisted on coming to all three showers and giving me a gift at each one.  She even attended a shower two days after having surgery when she was in obvious pain and I had said it was perfectly fine if she didn't come. 

I appreciate her thoughtfullness and enthusiasm, but the problem is that she is very judgemental of the other BMs and holds them to the same standard that she's set.  My other BM, Y, was planning on coming to the shower thrown by my relatives, but had to visit her sick grandmother with her family instead.  Y already had vacation plans during my shower thrown by FILs.  It didn't really phase me that Y couldn't attend the showers, but S was very indignant that "Y couldn't be bothered to come."

Another example.  My sister/MOH was very generous and gave me a KitchenAid mixer at the shower with my relatives.  MOH came to the next shower with FILs, but didn't bring a gift.  I didn't expect her to since I knew how expensive the mixer was.  S (who had seen her give me the mixer) straight up said to my sister, "Where's your gift?  You should be getting your sister a present at every shower."

I wish S would stop being so judgemental/rude towards the other BMs, but I'm not sure what the right thing to do is.  Should I let them sort it out for themselves?  I've tried casually telling S that these things aren't a big deal to me, but that hasn't had any effect.  I worry that if I tell her more bluntly to back off the other BMs that she will be offended and think that I don't appreciate how involved she's been.

Advice?  TIA

Re: BM who is very judgemental of other BMs

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    Yeah, it's definitely your place to step in here.  Once she was rude to your sister on your behalf it became your place to say "I love you, but I don't want you being rude to the other BMs because of me.  I appreciate everything you're doing, but I don't expect that from you or from them.  Please stop."
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
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