Deceased MOH in Program

alunsford87

I recently lost my sister who was also my MOH. I have read a post or two about how-to and how-not-to list a deceased member of your bridal party but I don't feel I can completely relate. I agree that I want it to be my wedding and not her funeral but she also had a spot at my wedding and I don't want to "fill" her spot. She will have a spot next to me at the alter where a flower will be displayed so it won't appear that someone is standing in or filling her spot. However, since I am keeping her spot up front, I feel she should be listed in the program with the party. Would it be appropriate to list her name as everyone else will be or should I mark, indicate, or list her differently. I am fine with listing her name with the others as I assume everyone either knows or will quickly come to find out but since this can be percieved differently by others I was wanting to hear what others thought. Thank you!

loca4pook

Follow your heart. Only you can decide how to honor her.


I am sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard that is for you.

mlg78

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I think Kristan made a nice suggestion of maybe saying honorary MOH.  Typically I would say to not do this and instead make mention as a part of a thank you or something that you wish those who have passed could be there with you today but since it is such a recent passing, I think this is fine.

LuckyAloha

I have no input other than I am so sorry for your loss.

speedyblazer11

I think you should keep her listed as your MOH and after her name put that she is observing from heaven (if that is your belief, don't mean to step on the toes of anyones beliefs). I also like the heavenly MOH idea listed above.

Do what feels right to you, but keep in mind that your parents lost a child, and it is also FI's "big day" (hate that phrase) so he should get at least a little say. Out of experience, just be prepared that some people will ask you why you did whatever you decide, and then someone will have to explain. So if the pain is fresh it may open the wound again. You could always do a moment of silence where her speech should be at the reception as well.

daveANDkristen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_deceased-moh-in-program?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a3cb70b4-3122-411d-aafa-65cb37f63fc9Post:2bec6fc3-ee27-40f0-9e41-653b41ac164b">Re: Deceased MOH in Program</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Deceased MOH in Program : I'm visualizing this ... are you talking about the flowers on the floor of the altar? It might not be easily noticed.  I'm not trying to be critical ... just trying to think of a way that the flowers can be seen.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

I'm wondering this too.

I would just list her as your MOH.  People either already know she is deceased or will figure it out quickly. 

How awful.  I'm so sorry for your loss.

alunsford87

Thank you ladies for your thoughts and ideas. From the posts you have shared and posts I have read on other boards I think I have decided what would be most appropriate based on my thoughts and feeling. I had read about printing a cross next to the name previously and liked that it was subtle but sent the message that she was with us in spirit. However, I also came across reasons to not post a cross. Seeing mrskaiser22's post, I think that others will understand and accept it. My mother, father and FI are both understanding and encouraging in the ways that we are incorporating her in the ceremony. As TXkristen asked about her flower, we have a flower pot pedistal that will stand where the MOH would stand and my mom is placing the flower there as she is escorted to her seat. I appreciate the thoughts on the details. I liked speedyblazer11's idea of a moment of silence where her speech would go. I hadn't thought that far yet but it had crossed my mind that I would need to structure the speeches so that someone wasn't giving a speech instead of her; i.e. Have everyone say a line or two. Thanks again to all of you!

mattycam

I am so sorry for your loss

erinlin25

pp have all been good; I just want to add that the moment of silence where her speech would have been might be a liitle too much-- would kinda bum be out!  Wedding should still be happy   Anybody can give a speech.  I think listing her as the MOH is good, and seeing your family is OK with the flower, that is memory enough.  Sorry for your loss