Recently engaged bride-to-be trying to plan her own budget wedding for end of 2011 is a BM in May 20

jmuxlilo

Whats the etiquette in trying to propose more cost-efficient bachelorette parties?  Or do I suck it up and pay for it all?

tldh

Just tell her that her B-party isn't in your budget.  You aren't required to attend.

marissa_claire

Nope, you're not required to attend.  And don't let the MOH or anyone along those lines try to bully you into paying for things for the bride.  If you don't go, you don't need to pay for anything.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

baystateapple

That...is ridiculous.  If she has the money to blow on a bachelorette party in PR, more power to her.  But she has no right to tell her bridesmaids that they have to go with her.  ALSO, throwing your own bachelorette party is really tacky.

megandjay

Just tell her that you would love to come, but can't afford it right now. I am sure there are other BMs thinking the same thing.

waltzingmatilda13

Longest thread title ever.

No one is required to attend a b-party, especially when the bride is so rude as to plan her own very expensive party. And when she knows one of her BMs is saving/planning her own wedding. Just say no.

mbcdefg

It doesn't matter whether or not you are planning your own wedding. It doesn't matter if her desired location is Puerto Rico or a bar down the street. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Tell her so - "Sorry, Bride/Other Hostess, but I just can't manage that kind of trip. I'd be happy to participate in something closer to home and more cost-effective, but I won't be able to go to Puerto Rico. Have a good time with those who can make it!"

And don't feel bad about it. Not only is she being extremely tacky and rude by planning her own shower (assuming that you are saying that it's the bride asking you to do this), but she's also being extremely inconsiderate and greedy by expecting her friends to go to Puerto Rico for her.

And ditto PP ... I'm sure you are not the only one who thinks this idea is bad. If you speak up, maybe the other bridesmaids will follow suit and talk this bride down from her crazy place.

lalap69

Tell her you're unable to attend.  The bachelorette isn't mandatory, and if you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

mkrupar

It doesn't matter if she wants to go to Puerto Rico for her B-Party. The hostess gets to decide what you all do, not the bride. If that's what they end up doing though you are perfectly within your right to decline the invitation and refuse to pay any part of it.

jmuxlilo

Well to be fair, the bride mentioned it'd something she'd like to do, and I wasn't engaged at the time when it was first brought up.  However I did have worries about the $$ since I don't have much $$ to begin with (which is why my own wedding plans are stressing the living sh*t out of me- but yay for DIY and budget weddings!)  I didn't say my own thoughts however when we talked about it previously.  I should've said something in the beginning and possibly not be in this situation.

marissa_claire

Jmuxlilo - you have done nothing wrong.  I would not let yourself get down about this.  She should not be suggesting a destination trip for her own bachelorette party, and you shouldn't have ever had to give an indication if it's a possibility for you - especially since your plans changed and now you're getting married as well.  Please don't beat yourself up over this - it's in no way your fault!

bablingbrooke

You have done nothing wrong.  Your money isn't earmarked for her wedding.  "Sorry friend but a trip to PR isn't in the cards for me at this time--but have a great time and I can't wait to see the pictures!"  If she says anything other than, "Sorry to hear that--we'll miss you!" then she's really out of line.

hlq2011

I think I'm having a destination bach party, but my BMs haven't really let me in on what they're thinking.  They are all over the place, so any party would be destination for some of them.

But if any of them can't go, for any reason - money, schedule, just not interested, etc., I'm totally cool with that and there will be no hard feelings.

Tell her, and any other BMs who ask, that you can't go.  They SHOULD just leave it at that.

gottahavashorti

I'd laugh it off as "Oh, wouldn't that be awesome if everyone was able to just take time off and book flights for destination bachelorette weddings?"  Then work with other BMs to plan a low key, local party.

Or if it's already being planned by someone, just decline.  You're under absolutely no obligation to attend a bachelorette party, unless of course you're hosting it at your home.

jmuxlilo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_recently-engaged-bride-trying-plan-her-own-budget-wedding-end-of-2011-bm-may-2011-friend-wants-puerto-rico-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a435afb6-c2c3-4181-8589-d573bd047bb7Post:37a4e00d-9c41-4214-8213-149b75c876c9">Re: Recently engaged bride-to-be trying to plan her own budget wedding for end of 2011 is a BM in May 2011 for a friend who wants to go to Puerto Rico for Bachelorette</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, random question, are you from jmu? Just looking at your username and stuff. Back the point, tell her you can't go. If they give you heat for it, send 'em here.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

Yes I am from JMU.  :)  Woohoo Dukes!