Bridesmaid is distant, should i include her

VivienLovesEddie

how do i deal with  a friend & a choosen bridesmaid who is distant ? its a weird situation... how do i try & reel her into being friendly with me again without being all wedding wedding wedding

bablingbrooke

The wedding should be left out of it completely while the two of you figure out if you're still friends.  Not everything in your life has to tie back to the wedding.  If you weren't engaged and this was happening, what would you do?  Then do that.

lalap69

What you're talking about is firing her.  Do some lurking and read back through previous posts to see why that's a bad idea and a friendship-ending move.  That you've drifted is not a good enough reason.  If she hasn't tried to sleep with your FI or assault you, you don't have any reason to kick her out.

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-distant-should-include-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a4e85a03-907a-476a-9fa8-93cad2dcf303Post:c2b6bd4f-46f5-4cb7-bfed-87f69bfd63fc">Bridesmaid is distant, should i include her</a>:
[QUOTE]Im getting married in fall 2011. ive been engaged since christmas 09, & immediatly asked my newish (knew her a year before asking her) friend to be a bridesmaid, which was fine, she had asked me to be bridemaid for her for summer 2011... problem is since then we have drifted & have just not communicated much, ive tried to hold on to her & do things with her, we even went wedding dress shopping together where she tried on the dresses till all the stores closed.. how nice i thought? What do i do, i dont want to look back & say i didnt want her in my wedding party or do i sit her down & tell her we havent been good friends so i dont think the role of bridesmaid suits either of us, she is very secretive about her wedding plans & i know nothing about what she is doing. So i feel like i just want to say leave me out of your wedding & ill leave you out of mine, Fair?
Posted by VivienLovesEddie[/QUOTE]

mbcdefg

Are you six years old?

tldh

This is a friendship problem.  Do both of you reach out or is it only one sided?  Either way, I think the two of you need to go to dinner and see if there is a friendship that you both want to continue.  If there isn't, then I'd bring up letting eachother out as BMs since there isn't going to be a friendship that would be destroyed.

@ anyone else lurking out there - this is why we advise you not to pick your WP until 6-8 months before the wedding day.

VivienLovesEddie

Thanks for your posts, it sounds stupid & childish i know, but i have tried to be friendly to her & suggest doing things together but...... nothing. The advice on not choosing BMs till 6months before the wedding is the best & unfortunatly too late advice ive heard, but i was young, stupid & way over excited & asked her as soon as i was engaged. By the way i will be doing her flowers at her wedding & with that i thought she would let me know something about her weddings to at least  keep them different & bounce ideas off each other, but no ... nothing. ahh i will invite her & her FI to dinner but then how do i brooch the subject.

aerinpegadrak

Ditto Stage.  A very common piece of advice here is, "If you don't want people to react negatively to your wedding plans, don't talk about them."  Maybe she's planning something really offbeat and she doesn't want to have to continually explain her reasoning to everyone.  Maybe she just has a very clear vision of how it's going to be and doesn't really need any ideas bounced.  Maybe she's just completely and thoroughly sick of the whole process and doesn't want to deal with it any more than she has to.  In any case, just because you're both planning weddings doesn't mean that you both need to know everything about each other's plans.  She's in no way obligated to keep you in the loop. 

As far as flowers, since I doubt you'd be buying any supplies for them more than a month out, it's not really necessary to discuss them any earlier than that.

I would hope that both of you have more going on in your lives than just wedding planning right now.  Try talking about that and see how she responds.