Bridesmaid dress mess - anybody else dealing with this??

annabanana2345678

I am having the worst experience picking out dresses for my 4 bridesmaids. Most important thing for me in this case is that they like the dresses and feel good about wearing them. As you can imagine they all have different tastes and different body types. I've gone on multiple dress try ons with one of my maids, and provided her feedback to the maid of honor whom I asked to go try those on almost a month ago. So far she didn't have a chance to try them on, but did give me a luke warm response that she's concerned how they'd look on her. I finally resorted to just picking a color/fabric and dress designer and asked the girls to pick out their own dresses. Response I got from one bridesmaid: "Uhh, don't mean to stress you out, but I don't like any of them" ... WTF!! There are 81 dresses to chose from!!
Arghh, I want to cry every time I think about this. Anybody else has gone through the same? What was the outcome and do you have any good tips to deal with this mess of a situation and not turn into a mega bridezilla?

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dress-mess-anybody-else-dealing-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a54741b9-6a31-40e0-8399-4e2c44742ab0Post:c9c92fa6-b129-47c6-9481-c8f04bf6170c">Bridesmaid dress mess - anybody else dealing with this??</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having the worst experience picking out dresses for my 4 bridesmaids. Most important thing for me in this case is that they like the dresses and feel good about wearing them. As you can imagine they all have different tastes and different body types. I've gone on multiple dress try ons with one of my maids, and provided her feedback to the maid of honor whom I asked to go try those on almost a month ago. So far she didn't have a chance to try them on, but did give me a luke warm response that she's concerned how they'd look on her. I finally resorted to just picking a color/fabric and dress designer and asked the girls to pick out their own dresses. Response I got from one bridesmaid: "Uhh, don't mean to stress you out, but I don't like any of them" ... WTF!! There are 81 dresses to chose from!! Arghh, I want to cry every time I think about this. Anybody else has gone through the same? What was the outcome and do you have any good tips to deal with this mess of a situation and not turn into a mega bridezilla?
Posted by annabanana2345678[/QUOTE]

Um, if you have given each of them 81 options, then you are being fair and flexible and they will just have to deal. Any one that can still take issue with 81 different options is just being a drama queen.

sarabear23

thats crazy. where are you ordering from? and if she cant find one she loves, tell her to pick one that she can deal with for the 5 hours she needs to wear it. if she decides not to get any at all, then she has removed herself from your WP, and you will just have one less BM. dont stress over it too much.
good luck

mbcdefg

"You have until [order date] to choose something, so iif you try some things on I'm sure you'll find SOMEthing that you'll like. If you'd rather just step down and attend as a guest so that you can wear whatever you want, of course I'll understand, but I'm hoping that you will find something you like and stand up with me." Dollars to donuts says that she'll STFU and pick something.

Unless you didn't bother to ask their budgets ahead of time, you're in the clear here and she's pain a pain in the rump. If you did NOT ask their budgets ahead of time, though, maybe this is her way of telling you that she cannot afford the dresses from this line.

What designer did you choose for them?

megk8oz

Um, I'm thinking 81 options is more than reasonable on your part.

annabanana2345678

Thanks girls for feedback!! I was starting to think I am being unreasonable or something. I picked Dessy Group and these dresses run on average $130-150 and seemed to have a good selection of types of dresses. All of my maids have good jobs, so I didn't think that price would be a huge issue.

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dress-mess-anybody-else-dealing-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a54741b9-6a31-40e0-8399-4e2c44742ab0Post:2fcfa855-7db7-4b69-be89-33b643656855">Re: Bridesmaid dress mess - anybody else dealing with this??</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks girls for feedback!! I was starting to think I am being unreasonable or something. I picked Dessy Group and these dresses run on average $130-150 and seemed to have a good selection of types of dresses. All of my maids have good jobs, so I didn't think that price would be a huge issue.
Posted by annabanana2345678[/QUOTE]

I would ask the girls making the drama if the cost is an issue, and if so offer to pay a portion of the cost.

annabanana2345678

Good point. I did mention to her how much these cost and she said it wasn't bad. I should probably just ask her straight up if she thinks it's too much, because I'd be willing to share the burden of this. She's an engineer who lives with her parents so didn't think that price would be an issue, but definitely see how she might feel uncomfortable bringing it up. Thanks for advise!

phoeny_moonstar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dress-mess-anybody-else-dealing-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a54741b9-6a31-40e0-8399-4e2c44742ab0Post:7a4a916f-3a42-4353-a173-f6c475cd2271">Re: Bridesmaid dress mess - anybody else dealing with this??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaid dress mess - anybody else dealing with this?? : Um, if you have given each of them 81 options, then you are being fair and flexible and they will just have to deal. Any one that can still take issue with 81 different options is just being a drama queen.
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]

I ITA with emily on this. 81 options is A LOT! They need to grow up and pick a damn dress.

banana468

Verify with them individually that price isn't an issue.

Beyond that, 81 options is MORE than enough!

If I can find an ice cream flavor that I'd like at Baskin Robbins where they have only 31 flavors, I'd DEFINITELY find something I loved when I had 81 options.

swim1011

I agree with PPs.  For as long as price isn't an issue (double check with everyone individually to make sure), 81 options is plenty.  Heck, I'm letting my girls pick from Aria dresses, and there's a *lot* less than 81 options there.  They all managed to find something they love, different body types and all. 

You're doing the right thing by letting them pick from a group of dresses, its the girls that are being difficult. 

mbcdefg

Try this:

Instead of saying to each BM, "Is $130-180 O.K. with you?", say, "What do you think is a reasonable price for a BM dress?" Because if you present them with a price ahead of time, they may feel obligated into saying yes, even if they're uncomfortable with that price. They may not want to disappoint you or come across as a biitch (because how many times on these boards have we read about a bride calling her BM a biitch because she won't pay a certain price? It happens on my local board a lot, unfortunately, because I think that a lot of people feel that BMs are required to shut up and do whatever the bride says, and they're jerks if they don't).
 
Also, don't assume that they can easily afford it, even if you know for a fact that their jobs pay well. You may not necessarily know what their actual finances are like. I like to think that I make a decent living, but I don't have very much spending money because a lot of my paycheck goes toward paying off my student loans and fixing my always-broken car and paying off a credit card bill from when I was unemployed last year. In order to know whether or not they can afford it, you need to ask THEM.

goheels05

She's not going to find many dresses under $130, unless they are just regular dresses rather than bridesmaids dresses.

You are being more than reasonable.  I know the wedding party board enourages brides to let bridesmaids pick their own dress, but this crap is the exact reason I quit asking for input and picked a dress and told my BMs to buy it.  I had one bridesmaid with a million demands--no strapless, must be a long dress, must go with closed toed shoes (dead serious), can't be this that or the other color, must hide her tattoo, must not be expensive, and must not be ugly.  Because, you know, she needed to tell me not to pick an ugly dress because otherwise I would?  I told her that if she could find a dress that met all those demands, that she was welcome to wear it to the wedding.  She never did, and the dress I picked for them was pretty much the opposite of everything she wanted.  Oh well.  When she gets married, she can put me in a long dress with sleeves and closed toe shoes.

emilyinchile

Agree with everyone on the potential price issue.

I had a BM telling me that none of the dresses I was looking at (10 or so) were "her favorite," "her personal style," etc. I sent her an e-mail explaining that I don't expect things to be her style because it's MY wedding - basically that if she would feel uncomfortable in a particular dress obviously I want to know, but the BM dresses are to a certain extent part of the overall "look" of my wedding that I get to choose (within an ok price range and not making my friends look awful). I said her comments were bugging me because while of course we have different styles, it's never nice to have your friend telling you "I hate your taste." She got it, and it's been smooth sailing since.

I think sometimes when you offer a lot of options, people hear "I'm open to suggestions" instead of "these are the options, pick something." In my situation I know that was part of it. So I'd just talk to her - once you get budget sorted - and explain that you've really decided on these, and you hope she can find a dress that'll be alright for one day.

psichick

you're being more than fair. $130-150 is extremly reasonable for a BM dress. by agreeing to be part of your day, they also agree to unfortunetly buy a dress as well. even if they weren't in the wedding party, they would still be buying a dress and even for a single dress the price point you have is reasonable and expected. i don't think i've ever paid less than $100 for a occassion dress, that's just what they cost.

she's being difficult, and i would just call her out on it. if she can't find something out of 81 options she's just being a pain.

jenn.daniel

She's likely paying off student loans.  Living with her parents probably means that money is tight for her.  $130 is a lot for a dress, IMO.  There are lots of dresses out there for less than $100.  I bought my LDB on clearance for $5, and all my other cocktail dresses were $30 or less.

MeaghanandMichael

She's not going to find many dresses under $130, unless they are just regular dresses rather than bridesmaids dresses.

Agreed. This price point is not surprising at all, in fact it is quite good. When you agree to be a bm it is not at all unreasonable to expect to spend at least a little more than 100 dollars on a dress. I think you are being very accomodating in fact.

MeaghanandMichael

ps- Heels, I love the Eastie quote. I can only imagine that convo.