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I do not know how to remove a post...so this is my attempt.

Re: Post Removal....

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    Where is the baby's dad? Can he not look after the child while she is taking photos? Or is he also part of the WP?

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    Yeah, she probably could've discussed these things with you instead of just talking to your photographer or saying, "I need to do XYZ," but on the other hand, remember that these are her kids and they are her main concern.

    Talk to her and work things out. I don't think her requests are all that unreasonable. If she wants to do something different (bring the kid to the hair salon, etc.), let her, but the kid is HER responsibility. Your friends aren't obligated to watch the baby. Does she have a habit of pawning her kids off on other people so that she can go socialize or whatever?


    If she wants to follow the limo in her own car, so what? It's not your problem. She's still getting to the photo location, isn't she? Just remind her that the baby won't be in the bridal party photos, and so remind her that the stroller would be pushed off to the side during the pictures. Is she comfortable with that?

    Is the baby in your wedding party, or just the older son? You mentioned the baby a lot in this post ... who's the older son going to be with during the wedding day?

    Why are you separating everyone by having a head table? Your life will be a LOT easier if you just let everyone sit with their significant other/families. You and your FI can have a sweetheart table for just the two of you, or you can sit with the Best Man and MOH and their dates, or both sets of parents. Bridal Party only-Head Tables are becoming a thing of the past because they're not practical. Her not wanting to be seated away from her baby at the reception is a VERY reasonable request, and you'd be extremely unreasonable to expect your bridal party members to sit away from their families and dates just for the sake of an outdated head table.
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    You're both acting unreasonably here.

    Problems with seating arrangements is why head tables are generally not suggested.  Wedding party members should be seated with their spouses.  You can intersperse them among your guests and sit with MOH & Best Man + SOs at the head table.  Then BM can sit with sister, kids, and other family at a regular table.  Complete with high chair.

    Gently remind her that no one will be able to hold the baby for her during her hair appointment and that if it starts crying, it would need to be promptly calmed for the sake of other customers at the salon.  Beyond that, it's up to her.  She can do her hair herself, keep the baby in its stroller, whatever she wants.

    There should not be an unhosted gap between your ceremony and reception.  That is highly inconvenient for your guests.

    Bridal party photos are typically among the first done after the ceremony anyhow.  We did family photos, then wedding party, then couple photos.  Again, remind her that no one will be able to hold the baby during the pictures.  She might not feel safe having the baby just sitting to the side during pictures.

    Keep in mind that this is your FSIL.  Even if she had made a non-wedding related friendship ending move, you still have to see her regularly at family functions.  Kicking her out would cause conflict and tension for years to come.
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    Yeah I agree with PP - you both need to try harder to accommodate each other.  I would either find a family member or offer to pay for childcare in your shoes, but in her shoes I would also try to find a family member or childcare instead of schlepping my kid around to all this wedding stuff.  I think you are both setting high expectations of one another in this particular situation.

    Have you actually talked to her about if she'd be open to having someone else watch her kid for the day?  Perhaps the aunt that you mentioned? 
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    For the hair appointment, can you just say easiily "who's going to watch the baby while you're getting your hair done?"...if she responds..."everyone else"...then you can talk to the possibility of people being uncomfortable etc.

    In regards to the photographer, she isn't paying for anything (i'm assuming that), so i would inform your photog that they should only be taking direction from you or your FI.  No one else.

    The other stuff is easy.  Let people sit with who they want to.  Makes life so much easier. 
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    Ditto the PPs.  She may not be going about it in the best way, but not a single one of her requests is unreasonable.  You're the one creating drama by being inflexible.
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    I agree that she's acting demanding, but you're not being any better.  I'd be rubbed the wrong way too if someone was demanding things of me in that matter, but what she's demanding isn't unreasonable at all.

    Let her do whatever she wants with her baby on the day of.  Just make it clear that it'll be her responsibility (that is, your friends won't watch the baby while she gets her hair done or anything like that.)

    You're being ridiculous with the head table.  You can't accommodate her desire to sit with her sister who lives far away and she never sees because you're sitting them boy/girl?  You're being ridiculous.  Why should your photo op idea trump her comfort during dinner?  Nix the head table all together.  Then you can sit her both with her sister and the kids.

    Don't kick her out.  You'll damage your family relationship and cause even more drama and end up looking like a major bridezilla.
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    I think there is a right and wrong way to talk to people and I don't think the BM went about it the right way. Asking and demanding are two different things. While I do not see her requests as being unreasonable, I think you both can compromise in most areas that she brought to you rather than one person get their way and the other is left feeling unhappy.

    I personally have a "trying" BM where the dress is concerned but I try to accomodate her the best way I can without sounding inconsiderate.
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    I skimmed.  Have your FI talk to her.  He'll probably have more success getting straight answers about who would watch the kid when she's getting her hair done and that sort of thing. 

    FWIW, she sounds terribly demanding, so I don't plame you for being frustrated with her.  Still can't kick her out though.
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    CynthiaJHCynthiaJH member
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    edited October 2010
    Wow-I did not know head tables were so out. No book tells you that. I guess I thought she was being harsh is because her husband is her coordinating groomsman-so I thought she could sit with him at dinner and be OK. It's just dinner. Her baby is sitting with an aunt at a table where she has a clear shot to see him and the kids are sitting with an aunt and uncle. I just wish she would have told me about all of this months ago. None of my other WP members really care where they sit and in fact some of them think its fun being at the head table. In weddings I have stood up in in the past I just do as the bride and groom wish. I guess her being so vocal threw me off. There is no family feuding going on-I refuse to get into an arguement over it and ruin things over one day. Thanks for the tips!
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