Real life is dumb.

Licia&Wayne

CN: My piece of crap stepdad is divorcing my mom. I'm ecstatic that said piece of crap stepdad is out of my life, but feel terrible for my mom. I need advice on how to be a supportive daughter during this, and how not to lose my head around this douchebag.

Extended version: (I'm referring to my stepfather as Douchebag, because it makes me happy and that's what he is.)

So my mom came into my office today to visit, plopped down in the chair across from my desk and said, "Douchebag is divorcing me," and immediately started crying. Apparently, Douchebag told her to get out of the house, he's selling it, he hates his life, wants nothing to do with our family or their friends and never wants to see any of us again.

I feel terrible for my mom. I don't think there's a chance they will reconcile. She said she asked Douchebag if he wanted to go to counseling or anything like that. Douchebag said no, he just wants a divorce. 

My mom said this was pretty out of the blue, even though she admitted she thought Douchebag has a girlfriend. She was absolutely devastated this morning.

I hate Douchebag, always have always will. Douchebag is a miserable human being who treated my mom and her whole family like garbage. I feel this divorce is the best thing that could ever happen for my mom as far as her overall health and happiness, and am elated he will no longer be in her, or our family's, life.

I guess, through all this rambling, I'm just asking for advice on how to support my mom as much as I possibly can without doing a jig about Douchebag getting the eff out of her life? And seriously, if I see him again, I swear I'll lose my stuff and say things to him that would make the devil's buttcheeks blush. Any anger management advice?

*le sigh* Real life sucks.

xoxob

WOW. WOW.

I'm sorry, 85% the same thing happened with my mom and stepdad this summer. They had been married for 20 years out of the blue he was like "I don't love you, see you."

It was awful on my mom! Now she is better, though and is on some kind of mormon dating website. So, I wish you the best of luck with your mom. Just tell her you love her all the time and listen to her and say "uh huh, uh huh, you're better off" and try to make her happy!

I am so sorry and good luck with mom.

stina93446

Wow, that sucks. But I am happy that we can all call him douchebag! Anyway, as for being there for her, just really lend an ear or a shoulder. And maybe take her out for dinner or some pampering....like a mani pedi session.

banana468

Why not focus on supporting her to get on her feet?

And I'd recommend counseling.

While he sounds like a d-bag, perhaps just saying something like, "Mom, are you sure you want to go back to someone you thought had a girlfriend?"

And while a bit awkward, perhaps you may want to encourage her to get herself tested.

Licia&Wayne

Good call, banana, I didn't even think about that. Yikes.

Licia&Wayne

Oh well, I was trying to quote the part where you said for her to get tested, but whatever. TK fail.

jaimed99

Sorry for your mom...I myself had a Douchebag in my life, and a similar situation...while my mom wasn't as upset by him kicking her out (although if my brother ever heard the kind of things she told me, he wouldn't live much longer...) I know it wasn't easy for her.

Be there for her...as PPs have said, help her get back on her feet, take her out and make her feel awesome (as I'm sure she is!) and just be a shoulder to cry on...even if you weren't fond of DB, being there for your mom is the best thing to do

Oh, and if it's any consolation, karma does work...my mom messaged me on FB about two weeks ago and said her DB had fallen down a flight of stairs, drunk, and broke his neck in four places...I found it very hard to feel sorry for him.

CTGirl30

I'm sorry.

Do a jig about Douchebag leaving in private and when you're around your mom, focus on HER, not him. She needs positive energy and support and to be reminded that she's loved.   Spend a little extra time with mom - girls' dinner, maybe a spa day if she's into that, go for walks with her. Maybe encourage her to find an adult ed class or something if she wants to keep busy and take her mind off the Douchebag....just remind her she's got family and friends and can have happiness in her life that has nothing to do with him.

suz62984

Ummm yeah - I wouldn't move. That's her house just as much as it is his. WTF? You're divorcing me and you tell me to get out. What, so you can live there with your new GF? hmmmm

1) Depending on the state she may own half the house, which she has to give consent to sell.

2) He can't make her leave without a notice of eviction if he really wants her out that bad.

3) I would help my mom by helping her get back on her feet and fry his ass.

Can you tell i'm confrontational? I'm the product of my parent's divorce; I think it made me a little mean.

Licia&Wayne

suz, I'm totally with you. I'm also as mean as a hornet, but that's not my mom's way. I was in jr. high when she and my dad got divorced, and while that divorce wasn't nice and pretty, my mom was relatively nice about everything from visitation to alimony. She told me in no uncertain terms she doesn't plan on being so nice this time around, so I think that's where she'll get the last laugh.

And, technically, the house is hers (Douchebag has declared bankruptcy a couple of times so she had her name put on most everything they own) but on her salary alone she cannot keep up payments so she's okay with being told to get out and sell it. 

My mom shared with me at lunch that Douchebag is planning on moving far, far away from here ASAP. FI suggested we have a "Go Away" party for Douchebag instead of a "Going Away" party.

emilyinchile

I have no advice, but I'm sorry. And I'm glad that your mom seems to be looking at the positive side a little more - hopefully she'll realize it's for the best soon and not have to suffer through too much missing him.