Going away for ceremony

laurs417

 We have always planned on having a small wedding.  We want to have an intimate ceremony with only our parents and siblings.  When we get back we hope to do a reception luncheon or dinner with family & friends (about 100 people)

The problem I'm having is that we both have a few people that if we were having a traditional wedding, they would be standing up.  Since we are doing things this way, is it still ok to ask these girls/guys if they would be "honorary guests" or something to that effect.  You know, still include them in all the preparing and planning, and having them sit at the head table with us for our reception.  I appreciate any advice!!!

banana468

Are you saying that these people wouldn't be invited to the ceremony?  My answer depends on that.

trix1223

No you can't.  That's called "having your cake and eating it to".  And you can't do that.

If you make the decision to have your small, intimate wedding, you give up things like WPs, etc.  I, personally, wouldn't do a "head table" at a wedding reception even with the big ceremony.  But I'd even have a head table less if it's for an AHR.

You're not having a WP, therefore you don't need a head table.  I'm baffled by the "honored guest" part.  Are not all the people on your guest list "honored guests"?  By designating some of your guests as the varsity team and the rest as the JVs and the bench, you're giving the backhand to those guests who didn't make the varsity.

Have your small intimate wedding.  Then have a party, if you must, at home.  But live with the consequences that your choices come with.

laurs417

Ok wow.  Dial it down a notch no need to be "baffled".  I literally just got engaged saturday and am just trying to think of how to do this and was looking for helpful advice not looking to be scolded.  I was trying to find the best way to incorporate those close to me in the celebration.  I would NOT have my girlfriends helping me stuff envelopes.  I would have them come along for the fun stuff, trying on dresses and that sort of thing.  They would still be a part of it if they chose to do so.  If you re-read the post i said "honorary guests or something to that effect."  I have no clue what to call them or the best way to incorporate them...which is why I wanted some advice on what others may have done in there wedding if  they did something similar.

mbcdefg  -  I do appreciate the response I received from you .  Thank you for those suggestions I will keep that in mind!

To the others, thank you for reminding me that we're doing this our way because what counts is our marriage and our happines.. and how not to be a bridezilla.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_going-away-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a8b0a6af-544f-4bcd-8653-abf944927e89Post:715b3665-f0fc-4c8a-8520-e2fe1e10a6f0">Re: Going away for ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok wow.  Dial it down a notch no need to be "baffled".  I literally just got engaged saturday and am just trying to think of how to do this and was looking for helpful advice not looking to be scolded.  I was trying to find the best way to incorporate those close to me in the celebration.  I would NOT have my girlfriends helping me stuff envelopes.  I would have them come along for the fun stuff, trying on dresses and that sort of thing.  They would still be a part of it if they chose to do so.  If you re-read the post i said "honorary guests or something to that effect."  I have no clue what to call them or the best way to incorporate them...which is why I wanted some advice on what others may have done in there wedding if  they did something similar. mbcdefg  -  I do appreciate the response I received from you .  Thank you for those suggestions I will keep that in mind! To the others, thank you for reminding me that we're doing this our way because what counts is our marriage and our happines.. and how not to be a bridezilla.
Posted by laurs417[/QUOTE]

Laurs, people can only respond to what you write.  In your OP, you said:
The problem I'm having is that we both have a few people that if we were having a traditional wedding, they would be standing up.  Since we are doing things this way, is it still ok to ask these girls/guys if they would be "honorary guests" or something to that effect.  <em><strong>You know, still include them in all the preparing and planning,</strong></em> and having them sit at the head table with us for our reception.  I appreciate any advice!!!

It's what you said, right there in the bolded part:  include them in ALL the preparing and planning that made those responded think that....well you wanted to include them in the preparing and planning.  And that often, in the minds of many brides, means doing scut work like stuffing envelopes.

You weren't scolded by anyone.  You got honest responses.  Perhaps they weren't what you were hoping to hear, but for most of us, our purpose isn't to validate people.

It's to let you know how your plans and ideas come across.  You're a brand new poster.  You might have done well to lurk for a while, but since that ship has left the dock....here's the scoop.

When you put a thought out, your friends and family will most often tell you "It's a great idea....it's so clever......" and so on.  They'll say that because they don't want to hurt your feelings.

We, on the other hand, have no vested interest in your feelings.  So we'll tell you what they're probably thinking, but won't tell you.

GL with your planning. 

bablingbrooke

Okay, if you've only been engaged 3 whole days, SIMMA DOWN!  You don't need to dive headfirst into planning.  Enjoy the engagement for a little while.  Bask in the attention.  Don't think about things like this yet.