nevermind

JennandMatt92810

nevermind

emilyinchile

You don't get to tell them when to shop. And it's not something you have to worry about anyway, so just take it off your to do list. They are adult women, if they want to shop the day before your wedding, that's fine, the only requirement is that they have the dress on wedding day. Your wedding isn't until August, right? Even if they were all ordering matching BM dresses we'd be telling you this is too soon!

And I'm sorry, but obviously you want them to get nice dresses. That, however, has nothing to do with you getting to OK them. If you trusted them enough initially to say "get any dress you like that is formal enough for my wedding," then stick to that.

AlmostMrs.Munoz

Holy defensive-ness Batman! I don't think that anyone was rude or had an attitude. I think they gave realliy sound advice that I completely agree with. You should talk to her yourself and you shouldn't go back on anything you may have said. That was all people were saying.

emilyinchile

I meant to add that a lot of people really don't know the difference between fiancé and fiancée (one of my IRL friends included), and mixing them up makes you look dumb. So that wasn't some kind of horrible attack, it was a well-intentioned correction.

mbcdefg

Nobody was rude or nasty to you. Stop being snippy with the people who are just answering the question that YOU asked. Getting an attitude is not the way to get answers.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_his-sisterbm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:abe278ab-f4a2-407f-a76a-5dd468412575Post:00642bca-e722-44a2-ba67-64310843bf8c">Re: His sister/BM</a>:
[QUOTE]I told the girls that I want them to have a dress that makes them comfortable. Not any ol’ dress. A nice dress, that looks classy but fits their style and that they’ll feel good in. I’m not going back on what I said, but I would like to see what they’re wearing.
Posted by JennandMatt92810[/QUOTE]

Did you provide any guidance besides, "Get a classy dress that you feel comfortable in"? Did you give a color, a formality level? Did you ask to approve the dress before they made the purchase? If not, you can't be vague and then get mad when they're not doing exactly what you want. You have to COMMUNICATE with them.

If you DID ask to see the dress, then I still don't get what you're upset about. She's going to get the freaking dress. Ask her to see it once she has it. Boom, done. There is NOTHING to get upset at here. You're being very unreasonable.



[QUOTE]I’m not bothered by the fact they won’t go with me, I’m bothered by the fact that I don’t want it to be done last minute or not at all.
Posted by JennandMatt92810[/QUOTE]

Your wedding is in August. It is now February. SIX MONTHS AWAY. Six months is <strong>PLENTY</strong> of time to find a dress. She can order from a salon or David's Bridal and have the dress within maybe four months. Or she can go to a department store or a clothing boutique or Ann Taylor and have a dress in her hands within an hour. Why are you complaining that it's "last-minute"? It is HARDLY last-minute. This would be a valid argument if you were complaining about this in, say, July, but February is NOT the time to whine that she's taking her sweet time. RELAX.



[QUOTE]Second, I think the reason I have been pressing them to go, is because I want to know that’s one less thing I’ll have to worry about.
Posted by JennandMatt92810[/QUOTE]

This is not your problem to worry about. You told the girls to get any dress they wanted, so let them do it. Trust them to follow the instructions you gave ... don't whine that they're not obeying you when you haven't even given them the chance. "Get any dress you want" does not equal, "Go out and get a dress RIGHT FREAKING NOW." There is no reason to panic if she does not have a dress siz months ahead of time. She said she'd do it, so calm the eff down and let her follow through with that promise.

And if she doesn't get it by July, then she can wear the black pants and white shirt that you originally said she could.

[QUOTE]And lastly, I feel like if my friend, who lives across the state, can make time to go, his sister, who lives ten minutes away, can also. She has not helped with anything in the wedding. This is the ONLY thing I have asked her to do. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable.
Posted by JennandMatt92810[/QUOTE]

She's not required to help with your wedding. Stop asking like she's shirking her duties and that you're fantastic because you haven't been asking her for anything, because she's not at fault here ... you asked her to get a dress by the wedding day, and she has SIX MONTHS. I can go to the Macy's down the road and be back with a nice dress within an hour if I had to.

I don't know what more you want from her. This is utterly ridiculous that you're biitching about this. Leave this poor girl alone and stop whining.

aerinpegadrak

Dude, my wedding is in April and only two of my six girls have their dresses.  You have less than nothing to worry about, and you're probably driving everyone around you nuts by continuing to press this issue.  Seriously, just let it go.

SarahPLiz

I guess you didn't actually want advice. Thanks for being a coward and not letting others learn from your situation.

Nevermind, you were quoted here. Snap!

emilyinchile

Yeah, I figured we were on our road to a delete. OP, for future reference, anything you post on the internet can be made to stay there for pretty much forever...as is the case with the quoted post.

JennandMatt92810

hahahaaa we'll see who gets the last laugh. as for all your "advice" go give it to someone who is actually a stuck up a*hole to listen to it. thanks for all your "help"

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_his-sisterbm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:abe278ab-f4a2-407f-a76a-5dd468412575Post:59a92c1c-83db-4eac-8418-508808622636">Re: nevermind</a>:
[QUOTE]hahahaaa :) we'll see who gets the last laugh. as for all your "advice" go give it to someone who is actually a stuck up a*hole to listen to it. thanks for all your "help"
Posted by JennandMatt92810[/QUOTE]

What does that even mean? If you're going to toss out a bunch of cliched phrases, at least choose some that make sense.

Serious question ... if EVERYONE here gave you the same advice, why would you not at least stop and think, "Gee, maybe they're right. Maybe I ought to chill out about this for now"?

Or are you just figuring that everyone's out to get you? Like we all got together in some secret meeting and said, "I know! Let's pick a random person and tell her she should relax about her bridesmaid's dress! That'll show her!"

MyNameIsNot

:Peeks out window to check for stalkers in the bushes:

mbcdefg

And, not for nothing, but wouldn't the "stuck up a*holes" be the ones taking your approach about wanting to micromanage the bridesmaids' dresses six months in advance?

JennandMatt92810

okay, I don't think anyone was out to get me. I do everyone was right and it did make me think. I aprreciated all the advise, just not the way it was said. I think it was put in a snotty way. Obviously, you all know the pressure that comes with getting married. and I was looking to reach out. one of my questions I asked was should I just let this roll of my shoulders. A simple yes, don't worry about now, give it a few months atleast, good luck with the rest of your planning, would have been nice. I wasn't trying to be controlling or anything, I am just under a lot of pressure to get things done. You were all right, I decided I'm just going to let her and her friend get the dress on their own time, that is fine. Maybe I did want the shopping experience with her subconciously (sp?) But all that aside, thank you for all your advice, truly. Just next time, try to be a little less catty about it

gottahavashorti

A lot gets lost in translation over the internet versus speaking to someone face to face.  No one was being snotty or catty.  They're just giving you the honesty that friends and family sometimes won't, to ensure that they are treated properly.

It is difficult to answer the same questions day after day while attempting to sugarcoat it as much as is necessary in order to come off as sweet as sugar on the internet so many people end up sounding a bit blunt.  If you're on the boards for any longer periods of time, you'll be able to realize this for yourself.

The tone that you think you're seeing is probably a misinterpretation because the answers are not what you want, to your disappointment.  If anyone was being catty, our moderater would have deleted it.  Also for future reference, when posts are deleted, many posters feel that their time has been wasted and it is no longer there to help others who have similar questions.  Most questions are similar enough that they apply to many peoples' situations.

JennandMatt92810

well I am so very sorry from the bottom of my heart that I wasted all your precious time. and for future reference, it's not that I didn't want to hear all those things. It is what I expected to hear, just with a little bit more, hmmm? uhh class. yeah that's it. and maybe things were misinterpreted. maybe. but probably not. and the thing is, I took the advice from those who didn't need to tell me to chill out, leave the poor girl alone, hmm what were some of the others? Oh, you can go to the top and read them yourself. So thanks, so much all of you. you are wonderful people. I wish the best for all of you. but please don't write on these anymore. you are not qualified to give advice

mbcdefg

Nobody was catty to you. The moderators here are very good about warning people to be nice, and about removing over-the-top posts.

I'm also curious if you are under pressure because you THINK you should be under pressure. I was actually just having this exact conversation with one of my bridesmaids last night ... TV shows, websites and magazines are always peddling the idea that brides are stressed out, under tons of pressure, and emotional basketcases. I think a lot of poor women feed into this idea and EXPECT that they will be stressed out about their weddings, and that's why this stereotype continues.

You have six months left until your wedding. I hate to think that you're stressed out at this point. Wedding planning is only going to be as stressful as YOU make it (to a certain point ... I mean, I think we can all agree that there are times when our families, friends and FIs make us want to pull our hair out).

I would take a deep breath, relax, and take a few days where you don't think about planning. Then I would make a list of everything that you have left to do, take a good long look at that list, and try to categorize it:

* what NEEDS to get done? (food and seating for guests, some entertainment, officiant and license - those are really the only mandatory things for a wedding, in all seriousness ... everything else is truly optional)

* what do I WANT to be done? (maybe things like cute DIY projects, your attire and accessories, honeymoon)

* what would I be O.K. with skipping all together, or what things am I only doing because I'm "supposed to"? (maybe you don't really care about favors, maybe you don't want an aisle runner or pew bows, you might be apathetic toward a bouquet toss ... if you don't want to do it, then skip it! Aside from food, drinks, entertaimment and chairs, people won't miss what you don't have)

* which things are my responsibility, which things are FI's responsibility (like tuxedos and groomsman gifts), and which things are my bridesmaids' responsibilities (getting their dresses, picking out shoes, arranging for hair and makeup appointments if they want them, etc.)? (don't make things your concern if they aren't meant to be your concern. Your FI can handle picking out tuxes, and once you've given your bridesmaids the information about their dresses then trust them to get it done)

Make a conscious effort to be calm about this. You're planning a party, this is supposed to be a FUN thing! There is no need to get worked up over what people are wearing, or other little details. People are there to support your marriage and then to have some fun afterward. If one bridesmaid is in an ill-fitting dress or if it's not the right color or if it's a little tight on her, so what? It will. not. matter. in the grand scheme of things.

mbcdefg

Are you O.K.? Seriously. You're jumping all over the place here.

duckie1905

everyone on dis board haz klass!

Seriously, were you drunk?

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]well I am so very sorry from the bottom of my heart that I wasted all your precious time. and for future reference, it's not that I didn't want to hear all those things. It is what I expected to hear, just with a little bit more, hmmm? uhh class. yeah that's it. and maybe things were misinterpreted. maybe. but probably not. and the thing is, I took the advice from those who didn't need to tell me to chill out, leave the poor girl alone, hmm what were some of the others? Oh, you can go to the top and read them yourself. So thanks, so much all of you. you are wonderful people. I wish the best for all of you. but please don't write on these anymore. you are not qualified to give advice :)
Posted by JennandMatt92810[/QUOTE]

Based on this combined with your previous folloup posts, you'd probably like either the etiquette board better or a club/local board.  I can't decide which.

banana468

OP, the advice stated was blunt but not rude.

HOWEVER, using phrases like "stuck up a-hole" and "You aren't qualified to give advice" are inappropriate and even walk a thin line towards personal attacks.

We can all take a lesson to practice what we preach.  Snotty attacks back to those who do respond aren't going to do you any favors.