Will you be my bridesmaid?

kmd0501

I am typically a very creative individual and want to my wedding to reflect that....every step of the way.  I've heard alot about people send small gifts or cute poems/cards to ask their friends to be apart of their special day and that is very ME!  When I was asked to be my cousins MOH, i was asked while trying on dresses in the bridal shop, which was very sweet  but a bit too impersonal.  Any suggestions for unique ideas to make it a special part of my wedding process?

GeauxTigers17

Your profile says your wedding is in 2013. If that's the case, my advice is to read through this board and Moms and Maids, and you'll get an idea of why asking your bridesmaids this far out is a really bad idea. Wait until a year out, at the very, very earliest. Most people around here say you shouldn't ask until 6-9 months out. 

[Deleted User]

Ditto. And I am not a fan of the fancy ways to ask someone to be your BM's. Simply just ask them in person, you could go out for lunch or coffee, but there isn't really any need for the letters and postcards and all that IMO.

waltzingmatilda13

Ask each girl separately on the off chance that one of them can't do it, they won't feel pressured to say yes. It doesn't have to be special, the honor is in being asked. A phone call or casual lunch will suffice.

And please wait until about 9 months out from your wedding date before you ask anyone. I lot can happen with friendships and financial situations in 2 years.

trix1223

Cutesy and written is nms.  And I am a very creative person.  But I think that in person and personal beats a cutesy card any day.

I'm surprised that you think that being asked in person was less personal than receiving a greeting card in the mail.

And ditto others.  If your wedding really is over 2.5 years away, don't ask anyone yet!  Relationships change, and that's not a bad thing.  If yours don't, then great~you've lost nothing by waiting.  But if they do change and you ask now, you can't "unask" someone. 

There are a zillion reasons to wait to ask, and not a single good one to ask now.  GL

tldh

Ditto everything already said.  I will add though that if a bride went overboard and creative to ask me to be a BM, my first thought would be "If she's like this with this question, what kind of bridezilla is she going to be with everything else?"

Manwaithiel

Yeah...what they said. You don't need to think about this for at least 2 years.

aerinpegadrak

There's a girl on another board who described a problem she had with one of her friends that was a direct result of sending one of those cards.  Basically, she knew the friend couldn't come and wanted to ask her anyway, and the friend started freaking out about it.  None of which would have been a problem if she'd asked in person and they'd been able to address the issue right away.

There is absolutely no good reason to ask now and a billion good reasons to wait.  Once you're withing a year of the wedding date, ask either in person or over the phone.  I think you misunderstand the meaning of the word "personal" if you think the word applies more to a card that someone else wrote that will not be read in your presence than to a face-to-face conversation.

lalap69

I think in person is best.  If you want to make it special, take them out for coffee or lunch and ask them over the meal.  But wait 2 years to do this.  Right now you shouldn't be thinking about asking anyone - just enjoy being engaged.

megk8oz

I really don't know a single person that was just verbally asked that didn't feel like it was "special". Maybe it's just me, but it's the "being asked" part of it that's special, not the way it's done. I mean, sure, I'd appreciate it if somebody sent me a card or something, but if I was just called up or asked over lunch, it wouldn't mean any less to me. 

Whatever you do, like PP suggested, wait until you're like 6-9 months away from your wedding date before you ask anybody.  It's okay to have people in mind right now, but it's best to wait until you're closer to the wedding to actually ask people. Once you ask somebody, there are "no backsies" ... so if you ask someone now and in a year you don't think she's a good friend anymore, you don't get to kick her out. I'm not saying people who wait until their less than a year away don't run into these problems ... but they are at a much smaller risk of it happening.

coraloc

I was fortunate enough to be within ten minutes of our entire bridal party so I was able to ask all of my girls in person.

I did try to make it special in that I had a 9'' round cake for my maid of honor with icing that read: will you be my maid of honor?  She was completely freaked out when I pretended that I thought it was her birthday and finally opened the box and saw the cake.  It worked and was memorable.

For the others, I made long chocolate candy bars with a candy mold, and individually made pink chocolate letters with an alphabet mold that spelled out the question: will you be my bridesmaid?

Desserts for us are always the way to go

bablingbrooke

If you're creative, you'll come up with something.  If you can't, it's a sign it wouldn't be natural or genuine.

It's not any less memorable to get a phone call asking you to be a BM.  I asked mine over the phone.  I've been asked over the phone, casually over lunch, and via email.  I never felt shortchanged, always felt honored.

Bridal shows and magazines make it seem like you HAVE to turn everything related to the wedding into a production.  It's not true IRL.  On TV, it's to make it seem interesting on screen.  In magazines, it's so you think you need to send your BMs special cards and oh, look, the advertiser on the next page sells them. 

Really curious how her just asking you was too impersonal.  Unless she was saying, "Anyone in this shop interested in being MOH?" and you raised your hand, it was personal.

Finally, you're getting married in over 2 years.  Wait until you have less than a year to go.

stephasuasu

I asked my 9 bridesmaids 9 months in advance. I had invitations printed with a short cute poem on it asking them to be my bridesmaids. They, I gave each girl their card and asked them in person. I told them to let me know in a week or so if the are in. Of course, they all were! The cards were simple, and they went along with a personal face-to-face invite, although I don't see anything wrong with asking over the phone either. 

kmd0501

It wasnt the fact that she had just asked me in the store, it was the way she said it I guess.  It was more or less like she forgot.  She just said oh yea, did you wanna be my maid of honor?  And it was less than 3 months before the wedding when I had know for almost a year that I would be a BM.  Its not that it was impersonal I guess, wrong choice of words.  But alot of my friends and thier sisters have done similar poem ideas and cute guestures and thats something I'm interested in doing.  And no I dont plan on asking anyone yet...I have a huge family and huge group of friends and havent even begun thinking about who I would want to ask. 

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_will-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ac2519a7-2fbd-4831-98f7-774fa690d96dPost:5a5b400b-bbdd-41b8-a8ce-57695518ce62">Re: Will you be my bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]It wasnt the fact that she had just asked me in the store, it was the way she said it I guess.  It was more or less like she forgot.  She just said oh yea, did you wanna be my maid of honor?  And it was less than 3 months before the wedding when I had know for almost a year that I would be a BM.  Its not that it was impersonal I guess, wrong choice of words.  But alot of my friends and thier sisters have done similar poem ideas and cute guestures and thats something I'm interested in doing.  And no I dont plan on asking anyone yet...I have a huge family and huge group of friends and havent even begun thinking about who I would want to ask. 
Posted by kmd0501[/QUOTE]
Maybe she was "promoting" you?  Which would have been wrong on her part.  <div>
</div><div>Seriously, could you hand your friends a card with a poem on it with a straight face?  I know I couldn't.  And really, a crazy gesture like that can sometimes be really awkward.  The BM may feel pressured to say yes because you went to so much trouble, like that girl on the Moms and Maids board.  Plus, turning everything about the wedding into a production like this can send the impression that you are a bride who's really "into" her wedding, which can be kind of off-putting, like "man, if she makes a big deal out of just ASKING me what have I just signed up for?"  It's also the sort of thing that really loses its "cuteness" and "funness" once you hit your mid-20s.  An 18 or 20 year old bride, I could see that.  A 24 or 25 year old bride?  I'd wonder about her.  (BTW I'm not some old fogey--I'm 26, and I really would feel weird if I was asked with some big gesture at this stage of our lives.)</div><div>
</div><div>There really is no comparison for asking people without any cutesy things and hearing their genuine excitement and reaction.  They don't need some cookie or card or poem you didn't write for it to be a special or memorable moment; I remember every time I've been asked and I have no "momentos"--I still remember where I was, what she said, what I said.  Trying to make everything a Memory will only exhaust everyone.  Don't let your one bad experience turn you from that.  </div><div>
</div><div>I'm not trying to rain on your parade or anything, just telling you to pace yourself when it comes to big wedding stuff.  If you turn everything into a big deal, the parts that really are a big deal will seem less special.</div>

stephasuasu

She was just looking for ideas. Not everyone is going to go about things the same way as you did. A card does not put pressure on someone, like you said, we are in our 20's and are adults. Adults evaluate their current situation, and card or no card, they will make a decision on being in your wedding based on their current situation.  

marissa_claire

I think you're kind of romanticizing this moment in your head.  It's not like a proposal.  It doesn't need to be all sweet and gushy.  And yeah, I kind of think some of your friends will laugh at you if you do a poem.  

That doesn't mean you can't think of creative ways, but it wasn't a huge deal for me and I hardly think my bridesmaids think less of me because of it.

aerinpegadrak

Instead of a card, why not do a small but personal gift?  Not wedding themed, just something they'd like.  Had I been inclined to get my attendants some memento of the asking (which I didn't), it probably would have been a little stuffed animal or trinket that made me think of them, rather than one of the Wedding-Industrial Complex approved dress-shaped cookies or cards or whatever. 

If you want the moment to be personal, think of the PERSON, not their title.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_will-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ac2519a7-2fbd-4831-98f7-774fa690d96dPost:acf87202-ed74-4fdd-9345-3c124ce3aa51">Re: Will you be my bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I think you're kind of romanticizing this moment in your head.</strong>  It's not like a proposal.  It doesn't need to be all sweet and gushy.  
Posted by marissa_claire[/QUOTE]
I think you hit the nail on the head here.

Taylorrsmith

Wow, I'm actually surprised at how many people think creatively asking your bridesmaids is overkill.  I guess it depends on your style, personality, and your bridesmaids.  I am known amongst my friends as the creative/artsy one, so I will definitely be asking in a creative way.  My fiance even wants to ask his groomsmen in a fun way.  The one bridesmaid that I'm not 100% sure has time/money to be putting towards my wedding, I will be extra careful to be sure knows that she is in no way required to say yes.  The point is, you are "ASKING," not telling... so be creative!  It's Christmas time now (and my wedding is next August), so I'm thinking about making an cute ornament for each girl, and then adding a note asking her to be a bridesmaid.  Good luck!!!  You'll think of something awesome and personal.  Check etsy.com for ideas, too.

stephasuasu

I agree, it depends on the bride and the bridesmaids when it comes to asking in a creative way. It's not everyone style. Great idea's ladies!

kmd0501

Thank you!!!!  All i wanted was some different ideas, not a lecture on why I am over thinking.  It is very much my style (and my BMs style) to be creative and personal.  And I dont think anyone would laugh at the idea of a cute poem or card...2 of the girls that I will be asking sent cards and I thought it was a nice gesture simply because they put that much thought into asking me.  I never got the impression that they were going to become a bridezilla and be super demanding.  I wasnt asking if it was a good idea or not, I simply wanted some ideas aside from a poem...not need for all the negativity! 

And I really like the color themed jars with candles...thats a cute idea!

bablingbrooke

If you're so creative, why do you need help from strangers?

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_will-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ac2519a7-2fbd-4831-98f7-774fa690d96dPost:41c6def0-1393-4f54-a725-02d0ad52c003">Re: Will you be my bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you're so creative, why do you need help from strangers?
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]
Seriously.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_will-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ac2519a7-2fbd-4831-98f7-774fa690d96dPost:986710c9-5a71-4b50-8ffe-9315ebe18fa5">Re: Will you be my bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Wow. I read the post simply because I want to do something creative as well, but I have to wonder why many of you are wasting your time making ridiculous comments on this post. She asked for ideas, not a lecture on why she shouldn't do it that way. If that's not your style, it's not your style - it's also not your wedding or your bridesmaids. So, if you have no idea to contribute, the post doesn't need your two cents.</strong> On another note, I've seen some really creative ideas online. I'm asking mine in person, but like you I want to do something creative and fun. So here's a link to this blog with an idea I absolutely fell in love with! <a href="http://eliseblaha.typepad.com/golden/2009/03/envelope-pocket-love.html" rel="nofollow">http://eliseblaha.typepad.com/golden/2009/03/envelope-pocket-love.html</a> You can totally personalize it and make it your own and that's what I love about it!
Posted by jrunnels5[/QUOTE]
Many times brides ask this question and after getting similar responses say, "Oh, see I thought I <strong>had</strong> to do some big crazy gesture, but you're right, it would be great to just ask!"  I tend to think it's a sign if you can't come up with your own cutesy idea--if someone else gives you the idea it's not from the heart and it's a sign that it would just be a bit awkward to do it.  <div>
</div><div>Also, lecturing others on how to post is really, really rude and completely undermines everything you wanted to get across.  HTH!</div>