thanks

saray1014

thanks for the advice

SarahPLiz

You don't. If you already asked, then they are your BMs. You asked to early, but that is not their fault, so don't dishonor them by asking them to step down. Having uneven sides is perfectly fine.

Pirata13

Yeah you guys are SOL on this.

bablingbrooke

I can't tell from your OP whether you actually asked them or not.  If you didn't, say nothing and ask the 2. And stop talking about your wedding--I personally think it's crazy to plan your wedding your whole life because real life happens and your plans will change.

If you DID ask all 7 already, keep reading.

Just have the large WP.  You will hurt a lot of feelings if you say "You 5 are out, you 2 have made the cut."  It could get ugly w/ your friends, who may not be okay with being shoved aside for the sake of "your day."

It's one thing if you decide not to have a WP at all, it's quite another to decide you want to downsize.

aerinpegadrak

Kicking someone out of the wedding party = kicking them out of your life.  Period.  If you're not willing to do that, you can't kick them out, especially if the only transgression is YOUR itchy trigger finger.

We asked six on my side and five on his when we were planning a wedding of about 150.  We cut the guest list to about 50, just WP, our parents, and a couple of other relatives.  Will having eleven of those people up front look a little silly?  Perhaps.  But this way we get to have our closest friends still attend the wedding, so it works.

I suppose if you were cutting it to just you, your parents, and maybe your siblings for the entire guest list, I suppose I'd understand if the bride told me I could no longer be in the wedding, but I'd still be hurt.  Personally, I would just stick to the larger wedding party as planned.

emilykathleen511

Ditto previous posts. If you already asked them, you can't go back on it now. It would be extremely rude to kick them out, especially since they haven't done anything wrong. This is why you should wait until you are 6-8 months out to ask your bridesmaids (obviously won't help you, but just in case other brides are reading this thread).

gottahavashorti

You can't, sorry.

SarahPLiz

Also, your wedding is in 2 months. If you already asked these people, they may have already made arrangements to come and buy attire, etc. Think about that.

duckie1905

If you've asked them already, then you are sh!t outta luck! 

Go ahead and unask them if you wish to end the friendships with the whole group (including the BMs you still want because they may not take your side on this).  You should also pay them back for anything they have contributed (dress, jewelry, hair/makeup deposits, etc).

This is what happens when you don't take your time and really think about what you want and then jump the gun and ask too early.

If you happen to have not picked anyone yet, then just simply pick whomever you'd like.  But, at 2 months out, I'm betting they were already asked and probably already bought the attire.

duckie1905

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:acde76a9-9d93-4bec-b5f9-0b153f94b77dPost:e0fde92c-8ba6-408b-9a75-d98089becc18">Bridesmaid dilemma!</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been planning my wedding in my head for a long time and when my FI and I got engaged I knew exactly who I wanted as bridesmaids. My FI has a ton of friends and I assumed we would be having a large bridal party (7 BM and 7 GM). Since then we've decided to have a much smaller wedding and my FI doesn't want to choose between his friends so we're just going to have 2 people each stand up. How do I tell the other girls I asked that they're no longer standing up? Help!
Posted by saray1014[/QUOTE]

JIC

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:acde76a9-9d93-4bec-b5f9-0b153f94b77dPost:11f29997-a312-40cf-987d-28ea0147b659">Re: Bridesmaid dilemma!</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, your wedding is in 2 months. If you already asked these people, they may have already made arrangements to come and buy attire, etc. Think about that.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

Woah, nice catch. OP, haven't they already bought BM dresses? I would be really hurt if you kicked me out of your wedding because I was only one of your top 7 friends and didn't make the top 2, but I would be hurt AND furious if I'd already spent money.

suz62984

Go with the 7 if you have already asked; if you don't you will burn lots of bridges. I would have thought that you had discussed wedding party size before 2 months in...or before you started asking people.

tidetravel

Your sides DO NOT have to be even.  WPs should be about having your loved ones stand up beside you on your wedding day.  You keep your 7 BMs and your FI keeps his GM the way it is. 

Its not too late to ask, however, your FI should be asking his GM because he loves them and wants them there, not as place fillers.

mbcdefg

It's still going to be insulting to them because you're keeping the two "best" girls in the wedding party. There's no way you can tell five people that you want them out without upsetting them and coming across as very rude.

If you nixed the ENTIRE wedding party ... then, yeah, I could see that going a little bit better (because it's purely objective since you are not picking the best of the bunch), but not a whole lot because you're still telling them that they're out.

If your FI wants more friends, he can ask them at this point, because all guys need to go is rent a tux or find a suit around a month or two out. But he should not be asking more guys just to even out the sides. He can just keep whoever he has already and you can do the same. It's perfectly fine if you have 7 girls and he has 2 guys ... you wouldn't be the first or the last couple to do this.

And it's WAAAAYYY better to have uneven sides (not that it's a bad thing in the first place) than to say to your friends, "We planned this very poorly, so now everyone except two of you is getting kicked out." It will be the polite, and the correct, thing to do to just leave everything as it is at this point, otherwise you risk losing some friendships. Is it really worth hurting people's feelings just to keep the numbers even, or smaller than anticipated, for a one-day event?

duckie1905

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:acde76a9-9d93-4bec-b5f9-0b153f94b77dPost:b0310b69-79be-4ff2-87d2-3504c447f5a8">Re: Bridesmaid dilemma!</a>:
[QUOTE]We set our date in December and started planning last month. My FI thinks it's too late to ask more GM with the wedding being 2 months away. I was thinking of explaining to the girls that we're having a much smaller WP than I originally thought and I would still like to include them by having them be ushers or do a reading. No one has bought their dress yet.
Posted by saray1014[/QUOTE]

I'm not sure what you don't understand.  You already asked these ladies to be in your WP.  To unask them is hurtful and could potentially end your friendships with all of them.  Isn't it better to have uneven sides than risk losing your closest friends because you were obessed with the arbitrary notion of WP symmetry?

You've already asked them.  Too late to take it back now.  All of this should've been considered before you said a word to anyone.

stina93446

It doesn't matter if they've bought dresses yet. You asked them already. If you tell them they're no longer bms, it will hurt their feels....guaranteed.

krmabojo

You cannot go back on what you said.

Sorry.

Tough luck. You never ask too early.

If you choose who to cut out, expect to lose friends.

trix1223

Yeah, you screwed the pooch on this one.  You asked them. You asked them too early.  But early or not, they're in the WP.  Unless you don't really care about them.  Then fine-tell them that they're second string, and you've decided to only play the varsity. 

renee2012

i also jumped the gun and asked two people that i now regret.
unfortunately one of them is my future sister in law so i have to keep her...i had to ask because he wanted his sister to be a part of it.
the other is a friend, but after i had my son, the relationship is not the same.
however, i would never take back asking them in order not to offend anyone, so you are unfortunately stuck like me