my sister and supposed MOH isn't speaking to me! HELP!!!

DevannR

I got engaged in November and we are getting married in Febuary. When I told my sister I was engaged I got a less than excited response: "well you guys don't even live together, kinda soon don't you think?' I asked her to be my MOH and she accepted but when I asked her to go wedding dress shopping she was incredibly rude and demanding I wait until after Christmas. I went without her.  This resulted in a huge fight which I've tried to resolve (despite it not being my fault) multiple times but my sister refuses to discuss it, she just keeps screaming at me on the phone. Ive given up on calling her to listen to screaming. 

My wedding is Febuary 10. This fight has been going on since late November and is showing no signs of getting resolved any time soon. She obiously doesn't have a bridesmaids dress, my other two bridesmaids picked theirs out and bought them already. 

Am I still to have her as my MOH?? and if so how is it even possible at this point?? 

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-supposed-moh-isnt-speaking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:adf34807-83a8-403c-bc4c-0350fff2cf61Post:4ad7da50-b068-4412-a0ea-91914baf0b4b">my sister and supposed MOH isn't speaking to me! HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I got engaged in November and we are getting married in Febuary. When I told my sister I was engaged I got a less than excited response: "well you guys don't even live together, kinda soon don't you think?' I asked her to be my MOH and she accepted but when I asked her to go wedding dress shopping she was incredibly rude and demanding I wait until after Christmas. I went without her.  This resulted in a huge fight which I've tried to resolve (despite it not being my fault) multiple times but my sister refuses to discuss it, she just keeps screaming at me on the phone. Ive given up on calling her to listen to screaming.  My wedding is Febuary 10. This fight has been going on since late November and is showing no signs of getting resolved any time soon. She obiously doesn't have a bridesmaids dress, my other two bridesmaids picked theirs out and bought them already.  Am I still to have her as my MOH?? and if so how is it even possible at this point?? 
Posted by DevannR[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is your sister.  Not just some friend.  Are you willing to risk your relationship with your sister for the rest of your life over this?</div><div>
</div><div>Is your sister normally the type to start screaming in the phone at you?  Are you normally close?</div><div>
</div><div>Give her the info about the dress.  If she gets it, she'll be MOH.  If she doesn't, she can be a guest.  But don't make the decision for her.  Let her be the one to burn this bridge if it's going to happen.

</div>

adktd2boots

Having a MOH is really not as important as you think it may be.  There are no "duties", so if she falls through, no big deal.

I would not try to replace her.  Be the bigger person and let her be.  If things resolve- great.  If not- Oh well for now. 

quiggels219

I have to wonder - are there other issues here or is this really 100% over dress shopping?? I'm not asking you to answer but I feel like there has to be something more going on that's not getting addressed. At this point i would give her the dress info via email or text so she has easy access to it at the store or whatever and so there is no yelling. I'd say I love you, you're my sister I hope we can put this past us here is the dress info let me know if you want to go shopping together for it, and I'd leave it alone. If she gets it awesome and if she doesn't then that's her decision.

graysquirrel

I think that your sister is being really childish, but maybe she thinks that she is trying to protect you in her mean, bratty way. I totally understand where you are coming from about the living together thing. We didn't live together before marraige because I don't believe in it. A lot of people, including H's friends, made comments and said  stuff behind our backs. H didn't tell me most of it, but I could tell that they were really judgemental about it all. No matter what your reasons may be for living apart, do not let them make you feel bad about that. You are doing nothing wrong.

Even though it sounds like your sister is in the wrong on this regarding her attitude regarding your choices and dress, I think that I would go the high road and try contacting her again. Perhaps you could leave her a message on her voicemail if she is being unreasonable on the phone? Tell her that you love her, you are sorry if you did anything to hurt her, and that you want her to stand with you on your wedding day. Let her know about dress ordering and leave it in her court. If she does not patch things up with you, then it is her fault and she has taken herself out of the wedding.

DevannR

Thank you all for your responses!
The thing is that ive tried to resolve this with her by phone multiple times (which only results in screaming) and by text and email which she gets pissed at me for because she says these conversations should be over the phone! But when I call her all she does is scream!
My sister does have other issues, Ive thought for a long time that she needs medication for depression and anxiety. She also has issues because she's estranged from our father (for nearly 10 years) and im not (and i refused to choose sides) So yes, there are other issues here, and I have put up with a lot from her because of this stuff. But my WEDDING is not the time for her to take this stuff out on me.
I feel like I have done all the "being the bigger person" that I possibly can at this point. Im not going to be a doormat.
The fact is that I am just so hurt and angry that she chooses NOW to do this. I have had a VERY rough few years and this is the first really happy thing to happen to me since my daughter was born and she's 5. I would NEVER have done anything like this to her, regardless of how I felt about it. I feel like its a sisters job to be 100% happy and supportive,