Choosing BMs and GM

stacee.lynn

I've got a while before I have to set in stone who will be my BMs, but my FH and I have discussed who would would like to stand up with us.  He doesn't have as many close friends as I do so it's been difficult to choose my BMs because I would like to have the same number of BMs as GM (as would he).  We've decided that six would be a good number, even though it's a bit of a stretch for him.  I'm finding that number to be constricting to choose my BMs.
My sister is my MOH, and I have two close friends that I know for sure will be BMs, and many others that I want to include but not sure if I will be able to.  The problem is that when my sister got married she had our two cousins as BMs (she also had 6 BMs).  We have a very small family and were almost like sisters with them when we were younger, but we're not as close anymore and one of them litterally lives on the other side of the country.  Because my sister felt obligated to have them in her wedding, I feel even more obligated now.  If I include them, then I can only choose one more friend to be a BM.
What would you do?  How do you feel about odd BMs and GM?

MyNameIsNot

Put all those people on a list and pick the top 6.  Then call the remaining girls and explain that matching numbers are more important to you than honoring them. 

When the time comes, ask the people you feel close to.  Do not worry about numbers or matching sides.  Hurting and excluding friends is not worth symmetry in pictures.   And don't try to get your FI to pick 6 if he doesn't have 6.  The "stretch" GM will know why they are there. 

emilyinchile

I'm borderline OCD and am having uneven sides stand up with us (my fourth BM is our photographer, so obviously she'll be busy during the ceremony). PLEASE keep thinking about this - I was sure I couldn't do uneven sides, but as I read more on here and just thought about the fact that a wedding is about love, I realized it was ridiculous to tell my FI he couldn't have one of his best friends up there with him. Uneven sides are much better than one of you missing out on best friends or having people you don't really care about standing next to you.

Pick your best friends. If that doesn't include your cousins, don't pick them - you're not at all obligated to. There's going to be a lot of stuff in wedding planning where you potentially could feel forced to do things if you let yourself (whether from family, wedding industry, friends, etc), so just don't go there from the start. It's about what is important to you and FI, end of story.

kimheartsscott

I'm having my best friend and one of my brothers on my side, my fiance is having his 2 best friends (one guy and one girl) and is trying to decide who else to include (he has 3 more girls in mind).  Its not very traditional, but we think he will end up with one guy and two girls, and I will have one of each.  Who cares if it won't be perfectly even in pictures?  If anything, it will look like I don't have any friends, but I will know there are no filler maids/men up there to make things more symetrical. 

rayEgreene816

We had a similar problem in choicing our people.  we have many close friends and family that we love dearly but if we started to add people our parties would be rather large and that is not what we want.  So instead we are asking people to have other honors.  For instance a really good friend from my childhood has a beautiful voice so i am going to ask her to sing while i walk down the aisle.  There is always other things to honor people with, you just need to think outside the box

steph43987

You can't pick out from feeling obligated. I've had to explain to my FI's sisters (I think it's ridiculous they're causing drama about not being in it, only making me glad I did not choose them) that you can't choose everyone. I have 7 cousins who are all within a year of my age (grew up with all of them) and a sister, then friends, FI has 3 sisters. I'll have 5 BMs, but they're who I am close with. If you're really not that close, they'll probably be surprised you're asking them. You shouldn't have to justify your reason for choosing anyone. 

My friend was asked to be in a wedding recently (her brother in law's), this is how she was asked: "So, I need an extra person on my side, would you be a bridesmaid?"

The bride is a little socially inept, but either way, even if she wouldn't have blatantly said her reason for asking, it would have been pretty obvious, as they're not close AT all and there is a lot of not so great history between them. No one likes to feel like a filler, and my friend is not very thrilled that she has to spend $150 on a dress just to make the sides even.

banana468

Ask who you want to be there with you - not who would make great even sides.