update

hollya44

**UPDATE**
I read through most of the posts and I appreciate your comments, although some were very rude, I got the gist of what you were saying.  When my mom found out that she was in my WP, she pretty much told me I had to ask her not to be in it.......

I put the WP issue on the back burner for awhile and I found out that she decided to go into the army, active duty, so she told me she wouldn't be able to even attend the wedding, much less be IN the wedding.  My FBIL was ecstatic because he was trying to find a reason to dump her. 

I guess things have a way of working themselves out...but after this, lesson learned!

emilyinchile

No.

I haven't even read your post because unless someone has tried to sleep with or physically injure you or your FI, there is no nice way to kick anyone out. I do not need to read more than the title in order to respond to this question because the details don't really matter in this situation.

mandybear7

Just add your other friend if you want. You don't have to have perfectly even "slots." These are people. They have feelings.

I'm sure if you "kick her out" it would cause a lot of drama between your FI and his brother, not to mention you would not look good.

mbcdefg

It was your own fault for getting tipsy and opening your mouth. You've made your bed, now lie in it.

You are not limited to just four bridesmaids. It would be EXTREMELY cruel to a close friend to leave her out of the wedding just because you want even sides, and it would also be cruel to the girlfriend to kick her out so you can have even sides. Have five bridesmaids.

There's no way that kicking her out is going to end well. Just leave her in the wedding and make the best of it. Don't expect any more from her (or your other bridesmaids) than to get the dress and stand up in the wedding, and consider anything more than that (if they decide to help you plan, throw parties for you, go on shopping trips, etc.) to be a nice bonus. If you do not build up your hopes then you will not be disappointed.

Don't expect her to change just because she is a bridesmaid, because she won't. Only involve her in the wedding plans with things that she NEEDS to know ... talk to her about her dress budget, invite her along to pick out the bridesmaid dress (and if she won't go with you, let her go on her own time to order it), and give her the info about the rehearsal and dinner. Beyond that, be polite to her but don't get her super-involved in the planning, otherwise you will just frustrate yourself.

jagore08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-nicely-kick-someone-out-of-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b0eddd68-9450-4150-afe3-591b611127acPost:f4e727dc-d474-4f05-a98f-07a3ed2c2784">Can I (nicely) kick someone out of my wedding party?? HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so my fiance and I were dating for 3 years before he popped the question.  His brother and his brother's gf (of 2 months) were there to watch the whole thing.  The night he proposed and I said yes, <strong>we decided to celebrate with a few bottles of champagne and I got a little tipsy.  I guess it was all the excitement (and alcohol) but I accidently asked my brother's gf to be a bridesmaid! </strong> I have only known this girl for a few months but s<strong>he is SO excited that I asked her.  She can't wait to be in my wedding</strong> and I just feel like she's not close to me AT ALL.  Besides that, we are only having 4 ppl each and now I can't ask one of my other (close) friends to be in it because she is taking up a slot!!  We are friends and everything but I just don't feel comfortable with someone I barely know being in my wedding party.  And now the more I get to know her, the more I have found out how she can be such a mean drunk and it's annoying...and <strong>I don't even want to hang out with her anymore.</strong>...What do I do now???  Please share your advice!!!
Posted by hollya44[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>1. There is no nice way to do this.</div><div>
</div><div>2. Do you do this often?  Get tipsy and blab without thinking?  If so you should stop drinking or limit yourself to one drink.</div><div>
</div><div>3. You've screwed yourself because now you got her hopes up.</div><div>
</div><div>4. If you don't really like her anymore then kick her out.  You don't care about her then you probably don't care about the friendship.  Just remember that you are ending the friendship and possibly going to cause friction with your FI and FBIL because of this decision.</div>

mags0607

So many people come on here whining that their bridal party isn't excited for them, or they just don't care. You have an excited Bridal party member, who may or may not be your family one day. If she still wants to participate, I say keep her in the wedding, and  add your other friend ( uneven sides DO NOT MATTER).

You were the one who made the mistake of drunkenly asking someone to be in your wedding party. Do not make another mistake and un-ask her to be in your bridal party.

There is absolutely NO nice way to do this, you will end up looking bad, and could potentially cause some major family drama.

Rethink this, please.

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-nicely-kick-someone-out-of-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b0eddd68-9450-4150-afe3-591b611127acPost:f4e727dc-d474-4f05-a98f-07a3ed2c2784">Can I (nicely) kick someone out of my wedding party?? HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so my fiance and I were dating for 3 years before he popped the question.  His brother and his brother's gf (of 2 months) were there to watch the whole thing.  The night he proposed and I said yes, we decided to celebrate with a few bottles of champagne and I got a little tipsy.  I guess it was all the excitement (and alcohol) but I accidently asked my brother's gf to be a bridesmaid!  I have only known this girl for a few months but she is SO excited that I asked her.  She can't wait to be in my wedding and I just feel like she's not close to me AT ALL.  Besides that, we are only having 4 ppl each and now I can't ask one of my other (close) friends to be in it because she is taking up a slot!!  We are friends and everything but I just don't feel comfortable with someone I barely know being in my wedding party.  And now the more I get to know her, the more I have found out how she can be such a mean drunk and it's annoying...and I don't even want to hang out with her anymore....What do I do now???  Please share your advice!!!
Posted by hollya44[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No you can't kick her out. It would be the extreme of rude and you would come off looking like a bridezilla and possibly cause drama in your fiance's family that could last years. Just add your other friend on to your side. And no, your fiance would not have to find someone else to be a place filler. Uneven sides are perfectly fine and are quite common these days. The important thing is to have those you are closest to (as well as those you asked while tipsy) by your side when you say your vows. Don't let some arbitrary number get in the way of that. I promise, it is unlikely anyone will even notice...they'll be focusing on you and your fiance after all...

</div>

stina93446

No, no nice way to kick someone out. You asked her, now live with your decision/mistake.

I didn't even read your whole post. I didn't need to. 

Please READ some of the other posts on this board before posting something that has been addressed 3 times already today.

duckie1905

This is your own fault so I'm not sure why you want to punish her by being a jerk and kicking her out.

Just ask your friend.  The sides don't have to be even.

trix1223

Short answer to your question?  No, there is no way to nicely kick someone out.

You screwed up.  Big time.  And now to fix your first screw up you're going to screw up even more?  Well, that never turns out well.

Don't kick her out.  Do ask the other friend to also stand up.  Your FI does NOT have to add anyone.  WP's are not about symmetry.  What exactly do you think will happen if you have 5 BMs and he has 4 GM?  You'll still be married in fine style.

Count this as a lesson learned the hard way.

bablingbrooke

No.  But I'm sure some newbie will come on here in the next hour telling you that it's your day and you can do whatever you want, and you'll only listen to her, so I'm not going to waste my energy telling you why this is such a bad idea.

MairePoppy

No, you can't kick her out.
Please read the sticky notes at the top of the wedding party board, before you get yourself into more trouble. There is plenty of good advice there.

tidetravel

Maybe you'll get lucky and the two of them will have a nasty breakup.  Then she won't want to come.

I suggest finding ways to facilitate this.

SarahPLiz

NOPE

CTGirl30

Good Lord.

No, you can't kick her out - not without looking like a real b. and probably causing some hard feelings on your FI's brother's behalf. Clearly it was a mistake and you've only known the girl for what - 2 months? But she took this seriously and now there is a situation to deal with now that you've sobered up to think about this rationally.
This is what happens when you drunkenly and/or impulsively ask people to be in the WP w/o really thinking it through...so I'd say the best solution is to roll with it, make the best of her involvement (she's excited - great!) and ask your other (close) friend. Nobody is "taking up a slot" - you don't need to limit yourself to 4 people just b/c your FI is asking 4 people. It would be awful to leave out a close friend on the basis of some arbitrary number that is really not important.

It would probably also be a good idea for you to lurk on the board a bit - you'll see this question of "Can I kick out a [fill in the blank]" is addressed very frequently. It's also addressed in the sticky at the top of the WP Board page.  Short answer is barring some horrible transgression on her part - no. You can't "nicely" kick someone out w/o there being some level of fallout and rarely does the bride ever come out looking favorable in that situation.

If she and FI's brother had only been dating for 2 months and they break up between now and the wedding, she may very well remove herself if she so decides...

suz62984

This isn't a problem!!!  You are getting married in May 2011. Your FI's brother has only been dating her for 2 months. Chances are they will 1) breakup or 2) you'll grow closer to her and may want her in the WP. Either way kicking her out will cause major family drama. Uneven sides are ok (I promise). No one will care about how many people you have...they'll look at the wedding dress, flowers, cake, etc.

LarissaAnn

HAVE FIVE BRIDESMAIDS.  Uneven wedding parties rock!

MyNameIsNot

No, there's not.  Kicking someone out of your wedding is a very nasty thing to do to a person.  There is no nice way to do such a mean thing.  While I can understand getting tipsy and excited and doing this, the fact that you were tipsy is not a good excuse for treating any human being this way.  You made your bed.

Get the idea of "only 4 per side" out of your head now.  Even numbers is an incredibly cruel reason to exclude good friends.  You should wait until the summer, and then ask whomever you are closest to, regardless of numbers.  If you end up with 5/4 or 6/3, or however many, it will be lovely so long as you have your best friends up there with you.

saxy414

Nope, no way to "kick out" a bridesmaid.  Ditto PP's, and I especially like what Suz said about how they will "1) breakup or 2) you'll grow closer to her and may want her in the WP".  No matter what, you have lots of time before you need to make any more decisions about the WP, so just cool it until then.  When it comes time to ask your BMs, if your FBIL and she have broken up and you no longer have any communication (because it doesn't sound like you two are friends otherwise), then the situation has resolved itself.  If you're friends by then and she's a potential family member, it's great too.  No matter what, don't "unask" her.   

cutie02girl

"Always do sober what you promised to do drunk... it will teach you to keep your mouth shut"- Ernest Hemingway

Enough said.

FutureMrsBoucher

Have you thought about getting to know her better and actually becoming friends with her?

Pretty much, PP have covered everything. That's the only thing I could think to add (though suz did say it first).