SIL

kitchykitch

My brother and his daughter are in my wedding and I really want to ask his wife (MY SIL) to be in the wedding. I have had other memebers of my party set for a while(so excited I asked like 2 days after I got engaged) BUT anyway...I dont want her to feel it was a last minute thing or anythign and I dont want her to feel obligated either...I honestly didnt ask her to be a BM right off because I figured with her hubby and dauighter in it she would have her hands full so was gonna ask her to do a reading but NOW I really want her as a BM! But I am still afraid she will say NO...so do I ask her and if so..how? Sorry to ramble! I just want to make decisions that take all parties into account...dont want anyoen to feel obligated or anything.

AHHHHH! LOL!

Licia&Wayne

I think it's fine for you to ask. I would just make sure it was a no pressure situation. Like, "Hey SIL, I would love for you to be in the BP. You mean so much to me. I was wondering if you would be able to?"

Just be casual about it and she can say yes or no. I'm sure she'll feel honored just being asked, it doesn't matter if she's a late addition if you really want her there.

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b2ad9e0d-5f98-476a-927d-5cc49b425fefPost:a76baabf-b865-49a2-b787-053fb9956ac3">SIL</a>:
[QUOTE]My brother and his daughter are in my wedding and I really want to ask his wife (MY SIL) to be in the wedding. I have had other memebers of my party set for a while(so excited I asked like 2 days after I got engaged) BUT anyway...I dont want her to feel it was a last minute thing or anythign and I dont want her to feel obligated either...I honestly didnt ask her to be a BM right off because I figured with her hubby and dauighter in it she would have her hands full so was gonna ask her to do a reading but NOW I really want her as a BM! But I am still afraid she will say NO...so do I ask her and if so..how? Sorry to ramble! I just want to make decisions that take all parties into account...dont want anyoen to feel obligated or anything. AHHHHH! LOL!
Posted by kitchykitch[/QUOTE]

<div>Tough call. I would take what you know of her and decide how she would take it. Your delivery would probably affect how she takes it as well. For one thing, have any bridesmaids dropped out of the wedding party? Whether or not that has anything to do with why you want to ask her, she would probably think that. If no one has dropped out of the wedding party, then I think you can ask her. Again, I would take what you know of her and decide how she would take it. If you think she would not take it well, then just stick with her doing a reading. </div>

Licia&Wayne

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:b2ad9e0d-5f98-476a-927d-5cc49b425fefPost:8349e011-a3ad-48bc-a7e7-fd2942754ae1">Re: SIL</a>:
[QUOTE]For one thing, have any bridesmaids dropped out of the wedding party? Whether or not that has anything to do with why you want to ask her, she would probably think that.
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]

Oooo this is a good point I didn't even think about. Good call emily

kitchykitch

Nope. No BM's have dropped out! I am just a chicken so thats why I havent asked so far!

mbcdefg

I would just explain that you'd love to have her as a BM and see what she says.

If she seems hesitant or offended, maybe say something like, "I should've asked you from the very beginning, since I value our friendship so much. I unfairly assumed that you'd find it a burden since your kids and husband are in the party, but I should have asked YOU if you'd be willing to do it, not just made an assumption on your behalf. I'm sorry about that. It's bugged me ever since and now I know it's because it didn't feel right without having included you from the beginning."

But I wouldn't start apologizing or offering up an explanation unless it's absolutely necessary. Just ask her to be in it and then take it from there. Good luck!

aerinpegadrak

Just tell her exactly what you told us: "I was worried that you might find it a burden to be in the wedding party, but I realized that I really do want you up there, and that I should let you decide if you're up to it or not rather than making that decision for you."

bablingbrooke

Say what aerin said.