Ok, seriously? (BSC friend-related)

megk8oz

So BSC friend's baby shower was yesterday. Her MIL was handling the RSVPs (The shower was a "surprise" ... but she had 2 registries, so whatever). I sent her an email pretty much just saying I couldn't make it that day (No excuses or stories, just a polite "sorry, can't come"). She sent me some generic reply about "Oh, too bad", so I know she got the email.

I just got a FB message from BSC friend's husband wanting to know why I couldn't make it yesterday. His exact words were: "I thought you, of all people, wouldn't miss something like this for anything". I haven't made contact outside of random FB comments with either of them for 9 months now, and he seriously "can't believe" this?

There's a very immature part of me that wants to write back asking him if he's going around messaging everybody that didn't show up. Which, I know, I won't actually do. But just the same, do I respond to this at all?

Obviously, there isn't a polite way to say "I didn't show because I hate showers in general, I think it was rude as hell to have 2 full baby registries when you're first child is only 3, and frankly, your wife is a bitch!".

So what do I say, if I should say anything? Or do I just ignore this entirely? TIA.

megk8oz

I don't really want to be friends anymore ... but I don't want it to end with a blow up, either ... I've been kind of keeping my distance, essentially hoping they'd take the hint.

It's weird that her husband messaged me. I guess I could kind of see her sending a message, but him? That's none of his business, imo. Plus, he's normally incredibly passive and laid back, so it really caught me off guard.

But I do know that giving in to my "childish" side won't end well. Ignoring it seems kind of like a weird route to take, but honestly, short of making up some story about where I really was (Which, no, not going there), responding seems "not right" either. I'm confused.

jagore08

I would ignore the message and continue your "relationship" with them as you have been.

saxy414

Then I would just ignore it.  That seems really crazy that the husband would send that...maybe the BSC is rubbing off. 

heyimbren

People who think showers are the be all and end all of a friendship are crazy.

It's just a glorified party to give stuff to someone. Who cares if a couple people can't make it?

If I were you, I'd want to annoy him. So I probably would respond, but with something very short and vague: "Yes, I was unable to make it but I hope it was a nice shower."
If I was him, I'm not even sure what I'd say to that. I think giving him any real answer will only fuel the craziness. But if it was me, I'd still want to reply with something.

Manwaithiel

Holy Crap.

Your friend is the epitome of rude. I don't even know if epitome is a word, but it's going to be a word for you.

I've read your saga, though not commented on most of it, but geeze, this just gets better and better. Maybe you should have a loose connection with them just for the entertainment? (kidding)

In all seriousness, though, I think ignoring or saying something non committal is a good route.

megk8oz

You're all right, I really shouldn't dignify this with a response. When it comes to dealing with anything relating to her, I sometimes have a hard time discerning if my knee-jerk reactions are "normal" or if it's that I'm more annoyed, because it's her, and that makes me extra touchy.

aerinpegadrak

I think my knee-jerk response (which I'd probably send back before thinking about it) would simply be "Why do you care?"  Because, really, why does he?  It doesn't really make sense.

pinkfleurdelys

who's a bcs? i'm confused.

but really, either email back saying only, sorry, couldn't make it, hope it was great, or ignore ignore...while it would be fun to say what you really think, you'll regret it later. 

suz62984

I'd be tempted to reply with "You thought wrong there didn't you?"

skippylouwho

I'd ignore it, it will drive him more crazy....

You said it surprised you that he messaged because he's more passive - maybe it wasn't him. Maybe it was her messaging as him?

kayakrunhike

You mentioned your BSC friend is more likely to write an email like that than her DH- any possibility she just wrote it from his FB account so she wouldn't look like a total b!tch?

If you don't ignore it, I would respond in the way that would most drive him crazy.  I'd repeat the sorry, couldn't make it, hope you had fun.  That way they don't know why you didn't come, and you can possibly secretly fulfill the part of you that's going #@$^$&.  I have a feeling this is one of those relationships that will go out with a blast, whether you want it to or not. 

jenn.daniel

My mildly passive aggressive response would be to un-friend him on facebook.

However, I prefer to post a status along the lines of "had a great time doing xx this weekend" while not actually responding to his post.  It's more fun to mess with people than to simply de-friend them. or maybe a quote about greed....

Facebook totally brings out my immature side.

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ok-seriously-bsc-friend-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:b2d054ac-efe1-4186-b5ca-f64edce4af74Post:07ec54f2-6e08-43b1-825b-aeb7f9b88a34">Re: Ok, seriously? (BSC friend-related)</a>:
[QUOTE]My mildly passive aggressive response would be to un-friend him on facebook. However, I prefer to post a status along the lines of "had a great time doing xx this weekend" while not actually responding to his post.  It's more fun to mess with people than to simply de-friend them. or maybe a quote about greed.... Facebook totally brings out my immature side.
Posted by jenn.daniel[/QUOTE]


Oh yes, I totally get that, lol. One of my favorite, petty things to do is brag about not having kids when my friends get on their high horse about children with their statuses. Somebody posts about "Oh, it's so tiring taking care of my child, but there's nothing more rewarding than being a parent", I'll pretty much immediately fire off a "Treating myself to new shoes for the hell of it!". Somebody posts about "Another sleepless night. If you've ever had an infant, you totally understand"? Hello, "Just got back from a spontaneous date night with DH".

I know it's incredibly petty, but come on, if you think I should have to hear about how much better your life is than mine because you have a child, you deserve to hear about all the awesome stuff I'm not missing out on because I don't <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />

megk8oz

Ooh, to the people that suggested she may have written it under his account: I'm willing to believe that. It's incredibly plausible, all things considered ... I'm surprised I didn't even consider that before.

Either way, right now, it's being left ignored. Maybe in a day or 2, I'll send a "Sorry, had other commitments" and keep it vague. Maybe. Not likely, lol.

SassyBrass

Was he there? Because if he wasn't, unless it was a couples shower, I'd respond with "Of all people, I thought YOU'D be there too."
Seriously, I doubt it really dumped on her day THAT much. OH, how sad, she had ONE LESS PRESENT to open and coo about!!
It's not his business what you were or weren't doing instead anyhow. Being you're an adult and all.
If I was going to keep things peaceful, I probably wouldn't say anything, but if he keeps driving at it, I wouldn't keep quiet long.

jemmini6

Like PP's I would either not respond at all, or politely say "sorry I couldn't make it".  However, if he continues to press the issue (which just the fact that he sent that message makes me think he would), it'd be pretty hard not to respond with something snarky...