Why do I not want to pick bridesmaids!?!?!?

kkpantzlaff

Wow--this is a long, kind of crabby rant--enjoy!

My FI has asked his brother and one of his friends (who I can't stand...) to stand up on his side, and now I feel like I am stuck in a really uncomfortable place.  I have always just wanted my sister to stand up, and now I feel like I have to find someone else to stand up--and worse, I feel like I have to pick between a whole mess of friends from very different parts of my life.  (if you look at the website I built, under "Bridal Party" it simply says "now accepting applications")

Really, I'm just pissed off that we had agreed on just his brother and my sister standing up and now his alchoholic a-- of a friend...

So, do I ask pick between my grad school friends?   Do I ask one of my close friends from undergrad, who has been out of work for over a year and can't financially swing it?  My sister in law, who I'm not that close to?  My 14 year old neice (is that too young to be a bridesmaid)?  

I wish I had an evil twin.  Problem solved.

Does anyone else have a situation like this or advice?   I'd love to hear opinions--but really, I'm aware I'm being catty and childish.  I'll get over it.  No need to coment on that

blackfire5th

You'll be relieved to hear that you don't have a problem!

Wedding parties do not have to be even.  There was a poll on this board a while back and most brides don't have even parties.  I had 6 bm and DH had 4 gm.  Your wedding party should be those that are closest to you.  When you look back at your photos, you won't be counting numbers, you will be looking at each persons face and remember how special it was to have them there.

Just have your sister stand up for you.

The fact that your FI went and asked his friend that you don't like and did it behind your back in a sense is a whole other issue.  Definetly talk about this and why he felt the need to do this without more disscussion with you and make sure that there aren't deeper issues.  If you are doing pre-marital counseling (which I highly recommend for every bride and groom) make sure you bring this up to get some outside input on it.

emilyinchile

100% ditto blackfire

aerinpegadrak

Blackfire has ze brain tonight.  You don't need even sides, and you shouldn't feel pressured into choosing someone to fill a spot.  (Though if you want your niece up there with you, 14 isn't too young.  You should only ask her if you really want to, though.)

And you definitely need to have a conversation about why he went ahead and asked a second attendant if you had mutually agreed to one each.  That's serious red flag behavior.

duckie1905

Ditto the other ladies.  It is perfectly fine to have uneven sides so you don't have to worry about choosing someone else.

As for the GM, while I do think that you shouldn't get much, if any at all, say in who he picks the fact that you both agreed to not include this particular friend warrants talking about the issue with him. 

liz745

My FI will probably end up picking one of his friends that I really dont like, my advice for that is to let it go. Your FI should be able to have who he wants stand next to him on his wedding day.

Also you dont have to have an even wedding party, so you can have just your sister stand with you.

banana468

You don't have to ask anyone else even though your FI has.  Just ask your sister and keep it at the one person on your side.

trix1223

WPs are NOT about:  symmetry or gender.

Choose who you want to stand with you, and your FI chooses who he wants.  If you're thinking about processionals, entrances into reception, etc. ~your lucky sister gets escorted by two people.

Problem solved.