Wedding Party
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No Party?

I really wanted a bridal shower or a bachelorette party. And I know I don't have much say in either. But, besides loving congrats and a few monetary gifts already sent via mail, nothing as far as get togethers have been going on. I feel awkward asking my BMs to plan me a party since I don't want to seem like a bridezilla or greedy... I just want to have a party to see everyone and have fun since I can't all that often. I understand budgets, but no one has said ANYTHING! I feel sad since it's two months till the wedding and I just don't see anything really coming up within such a short time frame. However, regarding budgets, it could easily be something just like girls night at a friend's house just eating pizza. I haven't asked them for anything but PART (not full price) on a discounted dress (not too much spent) and just help on a center piece idea that'll take each girl maybe 5 to ten minutes to complete. So what I'm trying to ask is... how should I handle this? Should I bring it up at all or just let it slide and deal without one? Something still might come up, but I feel awkward saying anything since I don't want to be pushy. What do you think?

~Edit~ I got it back!! Thanks for the help!!!
And thanks for the advice everyone :D

Re: No Party?

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    It sucks.  I'd probably be a little disgruntled too.  But the bottom line is that pre-wedding parties are NOT a requirement to get married.  And it's NOT a requirement for anyone to throw you one.

    So be a little sad for a day.  Then let it go.  After all, the end result will be the same:  you'll still be married to the person you love, even if you don't have any pre-wedding parties.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    Its is rude to ask someone to throw a party in your honor. Period. You can deal without one. Your wedding will be a big party where you get to see everyone. There is no NEED to have a pre-party.
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    i'm sorry there is nothing in the works that you know of, but what if they are planning something as a surprise?
    dont make ur password so easy. gbck2CA2 hahahaha
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:b3738457-24f4-4046-8a7e-bce5a9f9e267Post:e27ca4d7-4808-405a-800f-76a37a2ffd29">No Party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really wanted a bridal shower or a bachelorette party. And I know I don't have much say in either. But, besides loving congrats and a few monetary gifts already sent via mail, nothing as far as get togethers have been going on. <strong>I feel awkward asking my BMs to plan me a party since I don't want to seem like a bridezilla or greedy...</strong> I just want to have a party to see everyone and have fun since I can't all that often. I understand budgets, but no one has said ANYTHING! I feel sad since it's two months till the wedding and I just don't see anything really coming up within such a short time frame. However, regarding budgets, it could easily be something just like girls night at a friend's house just eating pizza. I haven't asked them for anything but PART (not full price) on a discounted dress (not too much spent) and just help on a center piece idea that'll take each girl maybe 5 to ten minutes to complete. So what I'm trying to ask is... how should I handle this? Should I bring it up at all or just let it slide and deal without one? Something still might come up, but I feel awkward saying anything since I don't want to be pushy. What do you think?
    Posted by living4himru[/QUOTE]

    It should be awkward, because it does come off greedy. If your true intentions are to see people who you don't see very often, then have a get together/girls night, but do not in any way involve it to your wedding.

    I totally understand your disapointment, but they could be really good at keeping a surprise from you.
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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited May 2010
    Ditto to the surprise ... my sister/MOH kept all the bachelorette plans secret. I didn't know who'd be there or what we'd be doing, and it wound up to be a lot of fun (low-key party with about 8 girls at a comedy club nearby), and it was one week away from the wedding. My mom also put together a pretty simple shower that probably didn't take a lot of time to plan - and she also insisted on keeping that a giant secret. This was about six weeks before the wedding.

    If there really isn't anything in the works ... I totally get being bummed, but I would not ask someone to plan a party for you. Do your best to shake it off.

    I think the best thing you could do, if you truly just want to have fun with some girlfriends, would be to ask if they want to get together one night. I'd also be careful about how you approach this, because I think most guests would feel obligated to pitch in to cover the bride at a party (even if it wasn't labeled a "bachelorette party") ... so I think that something like bar hopping or dinner could come across as a passive-aggressive way of hoping that people would pay for you. Even though I know you don't mean it that way.

    Can you host people in your home? If so, IMO this is the best thing to do if you want to have a little party with girlfriends ... invite people over and provide the food and drinks, and maybe pop in a movie or get a karaoke machine or play some board games. That way, it's clear that you're doing it just to have some fun with them, not to slyly get them to pay for your dinner or drinks or whatever (since you would be hosting everything yourself).
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    I didn't have either.  Yeah, it sort of sucked.  But whatever.  I'm still just as married, that's all that really matters.

    If you really want a girls' night, plan one yourself after the wedding, and don't call it a bachelorette party.  Just invite everyone out to dinner or over to hang out.
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    Um...confession
    I got married for the first time when I was 23.  I didn't know jack from etiquette.  My cousin/bff was my MOH, and said to me "I don't feel like you really need a shower, and I'm not allowed at strip clubs, so I'm not going to plan anything like that." 
    (I don't do strip clubs, fyi....ewww, greasy man in a thong)
    But, 23 year old me was pissed.  I told EVERYONE what a btch my MOH was for not planning anything for me.  I ended up with a shower which she had planned as a surprise.  I also ended up with huge regrets about what a brat I acted like.  32 year old me is disgusted with 23 year old me (and not just because 23 year old me had ill advised bleach blonde hair...ye gods, our 20s are a cruel time).
    Anyhoodle, what I'm getting at here, is you will live to regret it if you say anything about this to anyone.  At all.  Ever.  Hush and be happy if you have parties thrown in your honor.  If you don't, at least your future self won't hate you for being stupid. 
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    emilyinchileemilyinchile member
    First Comment
    edited May 2010
    If what you genuinely want is to get together and eat pizza with everyone, then invite all your friends over for pizza. Problem solved.

    Beyond that, you're right that saying anything would be pretty bratty. I didn't have a shower, and while I would have preferred to have had that experience (I'm 99% sure that if I still lived in CA someone would have planned one, but no one in Chile thought to), it's not some major source of sadness in my life.

    ETA: I'm not saying you should throw your own bachelorette party. Just invite your friends to hang out like you would any other time, don't make it a "BM activity" or any kind of wedding-related thing.
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    Your wedding is in July. A lot of people plan parties last minute. It could be a surprise as others have said. Please don't ask someone to throw you a party!
    Anniversary
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    Thanks everyone!!

    I know it sounds like "ooh give me presents" haha
    I'm new to this whole wedding thing anyway. I'd never given it any thought until my FI wanted one.
    I know I won't be upset. I just am trying to figure out etiquette. I want to do something fun so I'll do the non-wedding related party. Thanks everyone!! :D
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b3738457-24f4-4046-8a7e-bce5a9f9e267Post:d31daa59-f15f-4261-a2ec-ea508180866c">Re: No Party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks everyone!! I know it sounds like "ooh give me presents" haha I'm new to this whole wedding thing anyway. I'd never given it any thought until my FI wanted one. I know I won't be upset. I just am trying to <strong>figure out etiquette</strong>. I want to do something fun so I'll do the non-wedding related party. Thanks everyone!! :D
    Posted by living4himru[/QUOTE]

    Etiquette around here is to not delete your thread after you got your answers or after you got answers you were not happy with.  Your question was quoted and is still here, but What if another bride comes along later with a similar question.  If she is just reading, she can find her answer without having to ask.   So please do not delete your posts in the future
    dont make ur password so easy. gbck2CA2 hahahaha
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    I didn't mean to. I was on my FI iTouch.... yah.... not really use to that. hahaha But, thank you for letting me know about the reply thing... I didn't know so I can put it back.

    That was a little sarcastic by the way. :D But umm... thanks I guess??
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    It's perfectly fine to be sad.

    BUT, as PPs said, it's just not OK to ask someone to throw you a party or to throw one in honor of yourself.
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    I like the idea of inviting friends over for a get together, if that's what you really want (and not in it for the gifts). I bet the bridal party might like to hang out, too.
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