Gifts for Attendants: how much is too much/little?

[Deleted User]

Is there some type of attendant gift "etiquette" established in regards to how much you "should" spend on your attendants? I've been searching around for gift ideas for my bridesmaids and noticed that there is a huge price range. A friend was recently in a wedding and she said the bride pretty much matched the cost that she had spent on her bridesmaid dress. Is that normal?

SarahPLiz

I don't know what is normal, but that amount is not necessary. Any amount is ok, even if its something handmade. As long as its meaningful and useful to them and shows that you put some thought into their personality and preferences.

Generally wedding related memorabilia is not really useful to anyone. A bottle of wine, however, is useful to most ladies I know.

CTGirl30

It all depends on your budget. There is no "norm" that I am aware of - like "You must spend  x% on BM gifts".

Do what you can and are comfortable doing and try to shop for each girl like it's her birthday rather than thinking "weddingy type stuff." If you're not shopping, give a gift from the heart - a heartfelt letter of thanks and what your friendship has meant over the years; maybe a simple photoframe with 2 images - one of you from when you first became friends and one at present day...you can give a nice gift to your attendants at any budget - what's key is being thoughtful about it and doing something that comes from the heart.

And yeah, at the end of the day, a bottle of wine would be way more awesome to me than a totebag with "Bridesmaid!" on it. ;-)

jeannigirl

It would depend on what you both have agreeded in your budget to spend on each. I think that it needs to be the same amount.

Its not so much on how much you spend more than making it personal to each attendant.

blackfire5th

Ditto PP.  Spend what you can afford and shop as if it was there birthday/Christmas.

aerinpegadrak

I think the gifts for each should be about the same value.  (Not necessarily spending the same; if you get one gift on sale, I don't think you need to get that attendant something extra.)  I also think that it should be something that the BM would want/use independent of the wedding.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

You can make something yourself, or you can spend $10 or spend $200. Just try to get something they'll like.

I would try to keep it even between them (don't spend $20 on one and $125 on another) and try to match the formality and cost of your wedding. For example, if I got a $15 trinket and the wedding was costing $60,000, I'd give it the side-eye.

banana468

I think there's no set price range however I do think that the gift should not be skimpy.

If your friends are getting hotels, spending a lot of hair, makeup, shoes and if they're just awesome in what they've given and done, a $20 item would just seem cheap.

However that isn't to say that you can't do other items that are inexpensive - just keep in mind that these are gifts you're giving to your friends in a way to honor them. 

jenn.daniel

I was blasted for this before, but I'm planning on about $30-$35.  M  y friends and I also limit Christmas gifts to $25.  We’re also hoping we can pay for their hotel rooms, I’m not asking them to get their hair done, and I’m going to choose reasonably priced dresses.

emilyinchile

Jenn, I don't think that sounds like too little. I'd rather have an inexpensive present that I know a friend really thought about and picked out just for me than a $200 gift that's totally not my style.

Agree with PPs...whatever you'd normally spend on a birthday gift sounds like a good guideline to me. And I think in your heart you know (and your friends will know) whether you're spending the "right" amount for you based on your budget and general economic situation.

kennyandanita

I just think it needs to come from the heart and don't worry about the price.  It also depends on your individual budget and what you think each girl would appreciate.  Thinking as a bridesmaid instead of a bride, for me the honor of standing up there with my good friend is the real gift.

I have been a bridesmaid in two weddings -- one was for my best friend from high school, and one was for my brother and his wife -- and I cherish the memories and the honor of being a part of it more than the gifts they gave me (both of which were very nice jewelry).  Maybe this sounds corny and I am just overly sentimental about weddings but I was truely touched to be standing up for them and sharing in their big day! 

As a bridesmaid I think a good gift for me would be a sentimental one like a homemade CD of songs that mean a lot to us or a homemade photo album etc.  And in my opinion if a bridesmaid thinks that such a heartfelt gift is "cheap" then I would wonder how much she valued the friendship.  (I do agree with the person who said that if someone is throwing a lavish expensive wedding, a nominal gift could come across as "cheap"... especially IMO if it is some kind of run of the mill BM gift and not something handmade from the heart).

On the other hand a good friend asked me to be an "honorary bridesmaid" in her wedding and said that I would have been a bridesmaid but for a bunch of seemingly superficial reasons -- mainly, the "number" of attendants she had in mind, having an even number of bridesmaids with her husband's groomsmen, other people who would have been hurt if she included me and not them, other people she had to include before me, and, ta da, the expense of having more bridesmaids.  That last excuse really hurt me to the core because it made me feel like there was a monetary value to our (very close) friendship.  I would honestly have rather been her bridesmaid and received no gift than to have been told that.  So perhaps that experience has influenced how I view being a bridesmaid, as a gift unto itself and as a statement of friendship.

Now that I'm a bride to be, what I go on is my own feelings from past experience.  We are funding most of our own wedding and have a medium-sized budget (it was supposed to be small but it keeps expanding)!  While I feel that I have a "tight" budget, I also realize that I  have"stretched" it for things that were important to me, like my dress , , so I will stretch it a bit to thank my girls, too.  However I can't afford to buy them the most expensive gifts out there because I am having 6 or 7 (depending on if they say yes for their own financial reasons) and that does increase the budget but I would rather get them smaller gifts than exclude somebody I love based on financial or any other reasons.  I plan to get them a comparatively small personalized gift and also make them a small photo album thanking them for being my bridesmaid, and after the wedding I will choose however many photos the album fits and get prints for them to fill the album.  I'm also asking each of them to be my BM with a bottle of New Mexico wine (more than half of them live in other states because I'm not originally from here) with a quote about wine and friendship, and a card with a poem I wrote asking them to be my BM. 

I say all of this to suggest just searching your own experiences and feelings and budget to see what you can afford or what you should get each girl, and as long as it is a thoughtful gift, I am sure she will appreciate it.  Good luck!