Regrets in picking my bridesmaids :( Long!

jessiegirl813

My wedding is in October 2012.  I am suffering from a dilema.  I picked my bridal party a few months ago and now I am having second thoughts about who I picked. 

First off I picked my best friend, my sister and 2 other close friends.  So my best friend is my MOH and she is bieng AMAZING! I am super thankful for her and keeping me sane.  My sister is 21 and honeslty a little punk, she opted out of being my bridesmaid because of some other non wedding related family drama (basically she hates my fiancee)  thats ok with me honestly, I dont need the additional drama.  but here lies my dilema..........

My other 2 friends are making this whole bridal party an extreme hassle.  I found a salon to do our hair and makeup for an reasonable price both under $60 but they both refuse to have thier hair and makeup done. They said they can do a better job then a salon. WHAT????  Ok fine, whatever. 

So I picked out dress, I kept in mind peoples budgets in all of this so I picked a super cute dress that was only $79.  They said they loved the dress and were given a deadline as to when they should be ordered.  It was March.  We are sitting at May and they still havent ordred the dress yet.  I asked them when they would and both of them said "soon" uuuummm ok. Whatever.

Ok and the last thing........so i asked them to come over if they could to help me doing some wedding stuff.  Put together invitations, save the dates, stuff like that. I told them to come over, i would provide dinner and drinks and we could make it a girls night. We they came over...............with thier boyfriends...........and thier kids. So nothing got done because the kids where busy tearing the house apart.

I dont think I am asking them to do a lot, really only my MOH and I are doing all the work.,  All I want is them to order thier dresses and get thier hair and makeup done.  I am too the point where I think it would be less of a  hassle to not have them be in the wedding.  I have asked them if they didnt want to they could opt out but they said they would but arent making the effort.  

How do I go about handling this?  I have talk to them and nohting changes?  How do I tell them I dont want them as bridesmaids anymore?  I would be happy with just my MOH as my wedding party.  Picking these two is a HUGE regret. 

Help!
 

AdeleDazeem

You don't kick them out unless you want to end friendships with them?  Do you want to do that?  Kicking out bridesmaids is a public slight - really think this over.  You are going to ruin relationships with them.

Dresses: That's annoying that they haven't ordered yet, but they might be having money troubles.  Remind me them again of the last date to order the dress and let it be.  If they don't order the dress, then they have removed themselves from the wedding.  Easy peasy.

Hair and Make Up: If you want it done, you have to pay for it.  The only things BMs need to pay for is their dress.  If they want to do their own hair and make up, let them. 

Doing Wedding Stuff: Not required.  They clearly aren't interested in helping so don't force them.  It's not a requirement of being a BM.

Lower your expectations of these two bridesmaids.  Your stress level will go down because you won't be pissed every time they "let you down." 

jessiegirl813

I have never really asked them to do anything.  This was the only time I had and it was prompted because I have a lecture from them about how I am not inculding them in wedding stuff.  Ok fine, come over there and it backfired. 

I am not really stressed as much as I am annoyed. 

I think giving them another deadline about dresses and ithey fail to follow thru then like you said they excused themselves out of the wedding.

misssunshine17

Ditto PPs. You really need to lower your expectations and remember WHY you chose them in the first place. You should have chosen them because you couldn't imagine getting married without them by your side, but because they could help you plan your wedding or throw you a shower. 

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_regrets-in-picking-my-bridesmaids-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b798a955-42b7-4795-8e1e-e3a30c945920Post:e4853f26-3d52-45c8-a5ba-8672ab57a122">Re: Regrets in picking my bridesmaids :( Long!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have never really asked them to do anything.  This was the only time I had and it was prompted because I have a lecture from them about how I am not inculding them in wedding stuff.  Ok fine, come over there and it backfired.  I am not really stressed as much as I am annoyed.  I think giving them another deadline about dresses and ithey fail to follow thru then like you said they excused themselves out of the wedding.
Posted by jessiegirl813[/QUOTE]

Eh.  You tried to include them and it didn't work.  Let it go and ignore them if they say they aren't being included again.  Just tell them that you have everything under control and their being in your wedding is enough.  I get being annoyed - I do!

 

mbcdefg

You can't require them to get their hair and makeup professionally done, or force them to use a specific stylist. You are 100% wrong on that account. Apologize and tell them to go to their own stylists or do it themselves if they prefer.

If they don't want to help, or if they turn into a pain when they DO come over to help, then stop asking them. They're not required to help plan YOUR wedding.

There's no reason why they would've had to order dresses in March for an October wedding. May/June still gives them a shiit-ton of time to get it done. Tell them to consult the salon for their deadline and then wash your hands of it.

It'd be nice if they cooperated more, sure, but on the other hand some of your expectations and requests are unreasonable.