Bridesmaid Tattoos

carlyhumma

My wedding is 7 months away and one of my bridesmaids just decided she wanted to get a tattoo sleeve on her right arm. She asked if I wanted her to wait until after the wedding and given the option I said yes, but now she is pushing the issue. I am not against tattoos (My FH has 6 *all coverable by a suit) and i would still have asked her to be in the wedding if she already had it but now that its an option i want her to wait. I am having a VERY TRADITIONAL wedding.  Full Roman Catholic Mass and a reception at a city hotel over looking the water. she said she would wear a sweter for the ceremony (wihich isnt an option because that would look so dumb) I guess I am just wondering if I am being selfish or not ?? Thanks in advance for any advice..

msuprincess04

While I realize it may not be ideal, yes, you are being selfish. She's excited about her new body modificatio. As an adult, she gets to make that decision, not you. You, as her friend, need to accept that. You've already accepted it's part of her personality. No matter how traditional your wedding is, the tattoo isn't yours, it's hers. It has nothing to do with your or your wedding. Let it go. Tell her to go for it and wish her luck that it turns out awesome. 

madeline&matt

Yes, you're being selfish. Sorry, but being a bridesmaid does not mean that a woman needs to put her plans on hold for the duration of your engagement. You should only ask her or have her wear a sweater if your church specifically prohibits tattoos being shown. Best of luck with your wedding!!

MrsMuq

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-tattoos?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b8f31619-401c-4103-958b-d9cd5149e1e7Post:23c56c8f-53bd-4a96-92d6-fd66ba3ca5a7">Bridesmaid Tattoos</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is 7 months away and one of my bridesmaids just decided she wanted to get a tattoo sleeve on her right arm. She asked if I wanted her to wait until after the wedding and given the option I said yes, but now she is pushing the issue. I am not against tattoos (My FH has 6 *all coverable by a suit) and i would still have asked her to be in the wedding if she already had it but now that its an option i want her to wait. I am having a VERY TRADITIONAL wedding.  Full Roman Catholic Mass and a reception at a city hotel over looking the water. <strong>she said she would wear a sweter for the ceremony (wihich isnt an option because that would look so dumb</strong>) I guess I am just wondering if I am being selfish or not ?? Thanks in advance for any advice..
Posted by carlyhumma[/QUOTE]

You see that part in bold? It makes you sound like a selfish, self-centered brat. Let your friend get her tattoo (it's her decision, her body, her life) and find her a cute cover-up to wear over the dress. If bare arms and shoulders can be seen on your BMs by everyone else, your ceremony isn't <em>that</em> traditional.

KatWAG

Yes you are being selfish. And if she does get the tattoo before your wedding, she should only have to wear a cardigan/ shawl if the church requires it.

KSerafin17

I can understand why you think you have a say here- because she did ask. However, it was probably just a nice gesture on her part and she thought you'd understand and say "go for it."

I have a bridesmaid that has tattoos on her arms, legs, shoulders, chest and a groomsman with tattoos covering his entire neck. My family is very traditional, but no one would every say a word about it- because it is THEIR body. I am willing to bet that even the most traditional of family member will not even notice her choice of body art because they are awaiting YOUR arrival at the church and down the aisle. The focus will be on your bridesmaid for all of 30 seconds and then the focus will be on you and your day.

Please don't let this hinder your day and support her in any decision she will make between then and now because in the end, it will not matter if she has a whole sleeve, half sleeve or a tiny tattoo on the back of her neck. She is there to support you on your big day, now do the same for her!

Peledreamsofrain

The only reason I can possibly think of that a jacket would look dumb is if you purposefully picked out a dumb-looking one. *shrug*  I'm mystified over here, because there are a lot of elegant shrugs out there if you put like, 3 seconds of effort into looking for them online.

But I guess it's easier to possibly lose a good friend out of unreasonable bossiness?  Nope... nope, still mystified.

Lisa50

It is interesting she asked if you'd mind, got your answer ("no") and now is pushing the issue.  In the long run, though, I don't think it's worth putting any more energy into dwelling on the issue. 

Are you being selfish?  Eh, I don't know (still trying to figure out why she'd ask your opinion if she already knew she'd not abide by your wishes).

There is no prohibition against the exposure of body art in the Catholic Church, so I'm not sure how that plays into this issue.  At this point, you've answered her question.  Let her surprise you with her final decision.  Just let it go ...

amanda0543

If she's concerned and asking your opinion I don't think it's selfish to be honest with her. If she's decided she doesn't care about your opinion, but you're pushing it on her anyway, that seems a little controlling.

Ditto on what Lisa50 said about it being interesting that she asked, and then pushed agaisnt your opinion anyway. Makes it seem like she didn't sincerely care about your opinion, but rather wanted to allievate guilt she was having about getting the tattoo.

On a supportive note: no one was ever hurt by having more time to think about making a permanent body mod like that. Why does she need to get the tattoo now? A good artist (the type you would want if you were going to do an entire sleeve, anyways) is going to have anywhere between a 6-12 mo. waiting period for the appointment. As her friend I would be concerned that she is being impulsive about a desicion that will permanently effect her life (her appearance, her employment options etc. etc.). Also, why is she trying to do an entire sleeve at once?? Most sleeves are built up over a period of time, often several years. O.o

amanda0543

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-tattoos?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b8f31619-401c-4103-958b-d9cd5149e1e7Post:999c24d4-5da7-44e3-8e1b-2b438d5f51b5">Re: Bridesmaid Tattoos</a>:
[QUOTE]If she's concerned and asking your opinion I don't think it's selfish to be honest with her. If she's decided she doesn't care about your opinion, but you're pushing it on her anyway, that seems a little controlling. Ditto on what Lisa50 said about it being interesting that she asked, and then pushed agaisnt your opinion anyway. Makes it seem like she didn't sincerely care about your opinion, but rather wanted to allievate guilt she was having about getting the tattoo. :/ On a supportive note: no one was ever hurt by having more time to think about making a permanent body mod like that. Why does she need to get the tattoo now? A good artist (the type you would want if you were going to do an entire sleeve, anyways) is going to have anywhere between a 6-12 mo. waiting period for the appointment. As her friend I would be concerned that she is being impulsive about a desicion that will permanently effect her life (her appearance, her employment options etc. etc.). Also, why is she trying to do an entire sleeve at once?? Most sleeves are built up over a period of time, often several years. O.o
Posted by amanda0543[/QUOTE]

Also, (I'm sure she realizes this but...) there is ABSOLUTELY no going back on something like a sleeve. With smaller tattoos, if you change your mind or don't like the quality of the work, you can either have it burnt off with a laser or have it covered by another tattoo. She's not going to have that option with an entire sleeve, so this means that if her tattoo gets botched by a hack (which often happens with an artist that can get you in on short notice) she is going to be genuinely stuck with it. Is she familiar with the scarring that often comes with larger tattoos?? Not to mention the ungodly amount of pain she'll be in from having a tattoo spanning her entire arm done in one sitting (or back-to-back sittings).<div>
</div><div>Like I said, I'd just be really concerned about her being impulsive about this desicion. There's a lot to go wrong, especially if she rushes in to a hack who can do it on short notice. 

If she does decide to get it done before the wedding you might want to request that she has it done at least 1 month before, as the healing time for larger tattoos can be unpleasant, unsightly (I've seen some that continued to leak puss well after a month of healing), and very time consuming--I don't think either of you would be pleased if she couldn't enjoy your wedding with you because of pain from a new tattoo.



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amanda0543

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-tattoos?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b8f31619-401c-4103-958b-d9cd5149e1e7Post:e4ac7f7a-cb48-4343-84c1-6ee20531cd03">Re: Bridesmaid Tattoos</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Tattoos : It is inappropriate for a bride to give advice to a bridesmaid if the advice is coming from a standpoint of "how will this affect my wedding". Friends give each other advice all the time and that is fine, but usually that advice is given as an objective third party. If you're giving advice and lobbying for your own best interest at the same time, it is time to be quiet.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree, as that would be incredibly manipulative. I meant that as something I would be concerned about outside of the wedding. I do think it's odd that she's not giving herself enough time to find a good artist and go through the waiting time that is often associated with that. o.O</div>

amanda0543

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-tattoos?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b8f31619-401c-4103-958b-d9cd5149e1e7Post:08b136c2-fb8c-4d93-8eb6-da2f73d15cea">Re:Bridesmaid Tattoos</a>:
[QUOTE]Assumptions much? How do you know she isn't taking the time to find a proper artist and or design? I use the same artist for every bit of my work. Most people who have tats have a preferred artist. I also have had the design of my next tat picked out for 2 years. I'm simply waiting for the extra money to line up with the right season. When I get it, it will seem like an impulse to anyone on the outside, but it will have been 3 or 4 years in the process. ETA: and I've NEVER encountered a 6 to 12 month waiting period. I can always get a consult within the week I call and the longest waiting period I've had between consult and ink was 8 weeks and that was because I wanted an extensive piece that would take most of a day and we had to find a day in her schedule that fit in mine as well.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>Maybe it's a NW/West Coast thing... I just know that all the decent artists I've encountered have crazy waiting times. I don't know that she hasn't taken her time, and I didn't say I did know that, I just asked about it and mentioned that if I was her friend I would be concerned about that. I think it's a valid thing to be concerned about for someone you care for, especially with something as intensive as a full sleeve tattoo. EX: I have a friend who wants breasts implants (and brought the choice up with me), and I quizzed her like crazy because I care about her and didn't want her to regret her desicion.</div>

mcda04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-tattoos?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b8f31619-401c-4103-958b-d9cd5149e1e7Post:23c56c8f-53bd-4a96-92d6-fd66ba3ca5a7">Bridesmaid Tattoos</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is 7 months away and one of my bridesmaids just decided she wanted to get a tattoo sleeve on her right arm. She asked if I wanted her to wait until after the wedding and given the option I said yes, but now she is pushing the issue. I am not against tattoos (My FH has 6 *all coverable by a suit) and i would still have asked her to be in the wedding if she already had it but now that its an option i want her to wait. I am having a VERY TRADITIONAL wedding.  Full Roman Catholic Mass and a reception at a city hotel over looking the water. she said she would wear a sweter for the ceremony (wihich isnt an option because that would look so dumb) <strong>I guess I am just wondering if I am being selfish or not </strong>?? Thanks in advance for any advice..
Posted by carlyhumma[/QUOTE]
Yes. And Immature.

I also had a "Full Roman Catholic Mass" and one of my bridesmaids had three visible tattoos. It is not a requirement to cover tattoos in Church (unless their vulgar e.g. profanity, nudity, offensive). The priest will ask you to cover shoulders before he asks you to cover some ink.

AndreaV26

I am a bride-to-be, but right now I'm speaking from the perspective of a former bridesmaid. I was asked to cover my tattoos.  The same bride also asked me to grow my hair out so that I could have a pretty up-do. I usually have a chin-length bob, as my hair is too thick to grow out. But she demanded I grow it out as long as I could. Along with the tattoo thing, it was too much to handle, and our relationship has not been the same since. So yes, you are being selfish. But think about how much this is going to affect your relationship with her.

MyNameIsNot

Yes, you are being selfish.  Even more so, you are being incredibly superficial.  You are basically telling this girl that you value how she looks over anything else in your friendship.  That's disgusting.  

It's time to apologize.  

bridalmarch

I am a bride getting married in a Roman Catholic Church by two Catholic priests in a backless dress with a full back piece that looks like a skull from far away. 

So...get over it. Let her get her tattoos.