Shy Maid of honor

KD+AR

I recently asked my best friend to be my maid of honor. She and I have been through so much together, but I am really afraid that this kind of stress may run its toll on our friendship. I don't want to have anyone else as my MOH, but she isn't interested in doing her MOH duties, not for a lack of caring, but she is PAINFULLY shy, and in all honesty can be socially ackward. She doesn't want to come to my fittings, she has no opinion on flowers, or linens. She doesn't want to really interact with anyone. I don't even know how to tell her that as my MOH she has to throw me a bridal shower. I am honestly afraid that I am going to be doing everything by myself, as well as trying to calm her down with her social anxiety! Any ideas on how to approach this problem without being hurtful, or needing to find another MOH? Thanks!

BinxRose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_shy-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:bb028618-ecf4-49ed-93b5-ee351b0d4bb5Post:89985c34-4a0f-48c7-a32a-70735d8af1aa">Shy Maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]I recently asked my best friend to be my maid of honor. She and I have been through so much together, but I am really afraid that this kind of stress may run its toll on our friendship. I don't want to have anyone else as my MOH, <strong>but she isn't interested in doing her MOH duties</strong>, not for a lack of caring, but she is PAINFULLY shy, and in all honesty can be socially ackward.<strong> She doesn't want to come to my fittings, she has no opinion on flowers, or linens</strong>. She doesn't want to really interact with anyone.<strong> I don't even know how to tell her that as my MOH she has to throw me a bridal shower</strong>. I am honestly afraid that I am going to be doing everything by myself, as well as trying to calm her down with her social anxiety! Any ideas on how to approach this problem without being hurtful, or needing to find another MOH? Thanks!
Posted by KD+AR[/QUOTE]

1) She's not intersted in buying her BM dress and showing up to the wedding? Because those are her only duties.

2) She doesn't have to.

3) Umm...she does NOT have to throw you a bridal shower. No one does. If someone takes it upon themselves (aside from yourself or your mom, as that breeches etiquette rules), that's great. If no one does, then you don't get a shower. End of story.

mbcdefg

 I don't even know how to tell her that as my MOH she has to throw me a bridal shower.

Ew. You'd seriously consider saying this to someone?

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_shy-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:bb028618-ecf4-49ed-93b5-ee351b0d4bb5Post:89985c34-4a0f-48c7-a32a-70735d8af1aa">Shy Maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]I recently asked my best friend to be my maid of honor. She and I have been through so much together, but I am really afraid that this kind of stress may run its toll on our friendship. I don't want to have anyone else as my MOH, but <strong>she isn't interested in doing her MOH duties</strong>, not for a lack of caring, but she is PAINFULLY shy, and in all honesty can be socially ackward. <strong>She doesn't want to come to my fittings, she has no opinion on flowers, or linens. She doesn't want to really interact with anyone</strong>. I don't even know <strong>how to tell her that as my MOH she has to throw me a bridal shower</strong>. I am <strong>honestly afraid that I am going to be doing everything by myself</strong>, as well as trying to calm her down with her social anxiety! Any ideas on how to approach this problem without being hurtful, or needing to find another MOH? Thanks!
Posted by KD+AR[/QUOTE]

You need to stop and rethink the purpose of a MOH.  The sole purpose of a MOH is to have your nearest and dearest friend/family member standing next to you on your wedding day.

Things MOH's do NOT have to do...
plan parties
go to fittings
help you plan your wedding
socialize with the rest of your bridal party
be your personal b$tch the day of your wedding

In fact...MOHs do not have to do anything that you mentioned.  The person who should be helping you plan your wedding is your FI...he is the one you are marrying and it is his wedding too.

You knew how your friend was prior to asking her to be your MOH, and being shy is not a good reason to get upset with them, but do not expect your wedding to bring her out of her shell...a wedding does not change someone.

mbody

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_shy-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bb028618-ecf4-49ed-93b5-ee351b0d4bb5Post:89985c34-4a0f-48c7-a32a-70735d8af1aa">Shy Maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]I recently asked my best friend to be my maid of honor. She and I have been through so much together, but I am really afraid that this kind of stress may run its toll on our friendship. I don't want to have anyone else as my MOH, but she isn't interested in doing her <strong>MOH duties</strong>, not for a lack of caring, but she is PAINFULLY shy, and in all honesty can be socially ackward. She doesn't want to come to my fittings, she has no opinion on flowers, or linens. She doesn't want to really interact with anyone. <strong>I don't even know how to tell her that as my MOH she has to throw me a bridal shower.</strong> I am honestly afraid that I am going to be doing everything by myself, as well as trying to calm her down with her social anxiety! Any ideas on how to approach this problem without being hurtful, or needing to find another MOH? Thanks!
Posted by KD+AR[/QUOTE]
There are no MOH duties. So, you don't need to worry if she doesn't want to go to a fitting or if she is indifferent about flowers or linens. Yay!

You DO NOT tell her she has to throw you a bridal shower. She doesn't have to. Anyone can offer to throw one for you- if no one offers, then you don't have a bridal shower.

If you need help with wedding related things, you can always ask your finance.

amymaysa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_shy-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bb028618-ecf4-49ed-93b5-ee351b0d4bb5Post:89985c34-4a0f-48c7-a32a-70735d8af1aa">Shy Maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]I recently asked my best friend to be my maid of honor. She and I have been through so much together, but<strong> I am really afraid that this kind of stress may run its toll on our friendship</strong>. I don't want to have anyone else as my MOH, but <strong>she isn't interested in doing her MOH duties</strong>, not for a lack of caring, but <strong>she is PAINFULLY shy, and in all honesty can be socially ackward</strong>. <strong>She doesn't want to come to my fittings, she has no opinion on flowers, or linens</strong>. She doesn't want to really interact with anyone.<strong> I don't even know how to tell her that as my MOH she has to throw me a bridal shower</strong>. I am honestly afraid that I am going to be doing everything by myself, as well as trying to calm her down with her social anxiety! <strong>Any ideas on how to approach this problem without being hurtful, or needing to find another MOH?</strong> Thanks!
Posted by KD+AR[/QUOTE]

as others have said, your MOH is not expected to attend fittings, pick our linens or flowers or throw a shower. It would be nice if she wanted to attend and throw a shower but she does not have to and that shouldn't be a friendship ending situation. Your FI should be involved with the flowers, linens, and really anything but the dress.
It sounds like you know your friend well and while she seems to be a nervous, shy person, she is your BFF and you picked her for a reason, knowing that. If you think her being shy and not helping with ruin your friendship, what would kicking her out do b/c of her personality.
I think you need to think about what is most important to you and your friendship with this person.

graysquirrel

I think that you may have some incorrect information about what a MOH is and what she is supposed to do. It isn't your fault-- hollywood and the industry magazines love to portray incorrect images of MOHs to make money or funny shows. The only "duty" of a MOH is played out on the wedding day, and that is to wear the dress and walk down the aisle. Many times the MOH will hold your bouquet during the ceremony, hand you H's ring, and will sign the license. Sometimes she will give a speech if she wants to. Anything else that she does is a gift, not a requirement. When people begin thinking that their MOH needs to go to appointments and do extra work, it becomes a job vs an honor.

Sometimes brides get so excited and into planning that they forget that friendship is the most important thing at the end of the day. How could replacing your MOH do anything for your friendship? Remember that there is a lifetime after the day you wed and that you will need your bff. Love her for who she is, take any help that she offers graciously, and utilize your FI to help you plan and things will go much smoother.

TiffannieF

Yup, just as the other gals have said...she has no duties so she doesn't have to worry. Being a MOH is an honor not a job. Let her know next time "Don't worry, all you need to do is buy your dress, stand next to me, and hold my flowers!". That will make her feel fifty times better than "Oh, you have to fork out a couple hundred dollars to throw ME a party". If people ask "Is your MOH throwing you a shower?" just let them know "no on has offered to throw me a shower yet.". If they say "Well she's your MOH" just inform them "No one has to throw me a shower." FWIW: my MOH was also shy. I remember when I asked her she asked what to do as a MOH and I told her "Nothing! Just show up in the dress!". I think that really made her feel good. My MIL volunteered to throw me a shower as well as my cousin who was my MatronOH

Simply Fated

I think you should find another MOH. Try Craigslist. Your current MOH deserves better than what you're offering.

meganb1977

Ditto pp's that all she needs to do is stand at your side in her dress and participate in the ceremony, hopefully it will be reassuring for her if you can be calm and let her know that you don't expect anything more than that.

gurrlballa10

Umm...is your wedding really in 2015?  If so, you need to put a screeching halt on anything wedding related.

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_shy-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:bb028618-ecf4-49ed-93b5-ee351b0d4bb5Post:89985c34-4a0f-48c7-a32a-70735d8af1aa">Shy Maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]I recently asked my best friend to be my maid of honor. She and I have been through so much together, but I am really afraid that this kind of stress may run its toll on our friendship. I don't want to have anyone else as my MOH, but she isn't interested in doing her MOH duties, not for a lack of caring, but she is PAINFULLY shy, and in all honesty can be socially ackward. She doesn't want to come to my fittings, she has no opinion on flowers, or linens. She doesn't want to really interact with anyone. I don't even know how to tell her that as my MOH she has to throw me a bridal shower. I am honestly afraid that I am going to be doing everything by myself, as well as trying to calm her down with her social anxiety! Any ideas on how to approach this problem without being hurtful, or needing to find another MOH? Thanks!
Posted by KD+AR[/QUOTE]

Before I read what other posters have said, I am going to tell you a few basics here:

Any member of your WP is required to show up in a dress/suit and be present the day of your wedding and hopefully be supportive as well.  And when I say supportive, I mean to calm you if you are stressed, laugh with you, blah, blah, blah.....but NOT for anything else.  She does not have to go to fittings; that is what your mother/sisters (if applicable) are there for.  If she goes, that is great but by no means is she required to go. 

Why would you need her opinion on linens and flowers?  This is YOU and FI's wedding day, not hers.  You should be asking your FI for HIS opinion seeing as how HE is the one you are marrying.

Absolutely under NO circumstances do you EVER tell her or anyone else for that matter, that they have to throw you a shower.  You are not required to get one and if you do, be gracious of whatever is planned for you.  Also, stay out of the planning on this one.  It's not your place to be involved.

It sounds like you need to calm yourself down and stop worrying about her.  You are not her mother so there is nothing for you to take care of on her behalf.  She is a grown adult and can handle herself.  You also need to realize (and very quickly) that you need to be speaking to FI about these decisions and not her!  You do not ever pick your WP based on what they can and cannot do for you and what kinds of parties they may be throwing for you. 

If you would have lurked before posting this and read other threads that have the same exact questions/concerns as you, you would have found your answer.

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_shy-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:bb028618-ecf4-49ed-93b5-ee351b0d4bb5Post:4717e891-a084-4ed4-ae58-c3738a69b3b9">Re: Shy Maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]Umm...is your wedding really in <strong>2015?</strong>  If so, you need to put a screeching halt on anything wedding related.
Posted by gurrlballa10[/QUOTE]

Ummmm...whaaattt??

If 2015 is your date, then you should not be doing any sort of planning and you have picked your WP waaayyyyyy to early.

I may have to call MUD if OP doesn't come back for this one.......

KD+AR

Thank you, your posst were really helpful. I have more expectations of my MOH due to family members telling me who is supposed to do what. I kinda have that "Big Fat Greek Wedding" family, only Irish. Eveyone has to be pushy and have their 2 cents put in. I have recieved a lot of scorn from my post, and I now understand that I had a false interpretaion of what my MOH should be doing, and I admit that part of it comes from being stressed, and some misguided information. The other part comes from assuming that since we are BFFs and I can't wait to do this for her, I kinda hope that she would be there for me.
And for people concerned with how far in advance I am planning things, well mst girls have their wedding planned by the time they are 12. We are also getting no help financially from our families. So that means if we don't start saving and planning at least a bit now, we won't have a round about budget for what we will need when it comes time to start shelling out the cash. I love my best friend, and I can't wait to share special moments with her. I just wish she wanted to be there for them.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_shy-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:bb028618-ecf4-49ed-93b5-ee351b0d4bb5Post:c4cbf445-8435-4cd8-a9fd-7751812fcd45">Re: Shy Maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you, your posst were really helpful. I have more expectations of my MOH due to family members telling me who is supposed to do what. I kinda have that "Big Fat Greek Wedding" family, only Irish. Eveyone has to be pushy and have their 2 cents put in. I have recieved a lot of scorn from my post, and I now understand that I had a false interpretaion of what my MOH should be doing, and I admit that part of it comes from being stressed, and some misguided information. The other part comes from assuming that since we are BFFs and I can't wait to do this for her, I kinda hope that she would be there for me. And for people concerned with how far in advance I am planning things, well mst girls have their wedding planned by the time they are 12. We are also getting no help financially from our families. So that means if we don't start saving and planning at least a bit now, we won't have a round about budget for what we will need when it comes time to start shelling out the cash. I love my best friend, and I can't wait to share special moments with her. I just wish she wanted to be there for them.
Posted by KD+AR[/QUOTE]

How is she not being there for you?  Is she still your friend?  Can you call her if you are having a problem or if you get really great news?  Is she supportive of your relationship?  Just because you would be 100% involved for her wedding doesn't mean that she feels the same way.  Some women are not that into weddings, especially if it isn't there own wedding.  I am sure she is very happy for you and excited for you but what you are upset about is that she isn't showing it the way YOU want her to show it.  You have to stop expecting her to act a certain way especially if she never acted like that before you got engaged.  Her personality will not change just because you are getting married.

mbcdefg

MOH is probably not so into your wedding because it's,  you know, THREE YEARS AWAY. THREE YEARS.
 
Saving up for a while and paying for your own wedding is fine. Locking down a few vendors now to get the 2012 pricing is fine. Doing some research and getting ideas is fine. But you're going to give your friends Wedding Burnout if you start actively involving them in the plans three years in advance. And expecting someone to be excited for an event that's still three years away is bananas. If you and your FI want to plan things now, go right ahead, but I would *strongly* urge you not to get other people involved until maybe 6-10 months ahead of the actual wedding date. So that they don't get tired of it.

I also think you're misunderstanding what "being there for" or "supporting" you means. She's not a crappy friend just because she's not interested in helping you plan a party that's three years away. Don't base your friendship on what you think this girl will or won't do for you. Especially when a wedding's involved.

Meghannsix

Oh dear.  Your wedding is in three years, settle down.  We haven't asked our WP yet, even though I'm pretty sure who all it will be.  Trust me, as soon as you realize that no one will be as excited for your wedding as you are, you'll be a happier girl.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_shy-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bb028618-ecf4-49ed-93b5-ee351b0d4bb5Post:c4cbf445-8435-4cd8-a9fd-7751812fcd45">Re: Shy Maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you, your posst were really helpful. I have more expectations of my MOH due to family members telling me who is supposed to do what. I kinda have that "Big Fat Greek Wedding" family, only Irish. Eveyone has to be pushy and have their 2 cents put in. I have recieved a lot of scorn from my post, and I now understand that I had a false interpretaion of what my MOH should be doing, and I admit that part of it comes from being stressed, and some misguided information. The other part comes from assuming that since we are BFFs and I can't wait to do this for her, I kinda hope that she would be there for me.<strong> And for people concerned with how far in advance I am planning things, well mst girls have their wedding planned by the time they are 12</strong>. We are also getting no help financially from our families. So that means if we don't start saving and planning at least a bit now, we won't have a round about budget for what we will need when it comes time to start shelling out the cash. I love my best friend, and I can't wait to share special moments with her. I just wish she wanted to be there for them.
Posted by KD+AR[/QUOTE]
Uh no, no they don't. 

pretzelgrrl

  The best thing to do is to invite her to things like bridesmaid dress shopping, looking for your gown, etc and let her know that you would love her to come but that it is not required.  Also, be ready to give her an out on the toast.  Also, maybe you can have her hang out with some of the other bridemsaid...but not have it be a wedding thing (like so-andso and I are going out for dinner you want to come)...so she won't be as shy around everyone because she will know them better.

dubird

Saving money and making basic plans for a wedding three years from now is fine.  But I wouldn't worry about the details just yet.  You'll constantly be seeing things you want to do for the wedding and constantly changing your mind if you do so.  I wouldn't even worry about picking the WP until about a year before the wedding.  If you already have, that's fine, but don't expect any of them to be gung-ho just yet.  There's plenty of time later to worry about it.  Don't get stressed out over it, and don't let wedding planning get in the way of your friendship.  You asked your friend to be your MOH, she said yes, that's all you need for now.  Again, as others have said, she doesn't HAVE to do anything except show up in the dress and stand with you during the ceremony.  If she's really shy, that may be all she'll be able to handle.  I'm kinda the reverse, in that I'M the shy one, and I'm the bride.  Standing up in front of everyone, even a small group, scares the crap out of me!  So cut her some slack and focus on your friendship.

And by the way, not every girl has a wedding planned out by the time they're 12 or so.  I never did, and I know others who didn't.  Which is probally why, now that I'm actually in the middle of planning, I have no idea what I'm doing!  XD

stefaniewattie

3 years..wowza, ALOT can happen in 3 years, the last thing you should be thinking about is a shower, considering that it will happen in 3 YEARS! She probably hasnt given it a second thought because of how far away it is. and why would you be worried about fittings...? You should definitly not be looking at dresses right now, and if you are doing wedding stuff, as your moh I wouldnt want to go either, because its a 100% guarantee you will be doing all these things again 2 years from now, why would she want to do things shes not even required to do - TWICE? She probably is not "caring" because she probably thinks your whacked for wanting to do stuff like this right now, cool it. and another thing, dont bother choosing your colors, we chose ours right after being engaged (18 months out from the wedding) and have changed them..twice. 100% guarantee your ideas will change between now and then.
Where I come from, and in my circle, unless the bride doesnt want them, it is the MOH's responsibility to throw a shower and bachelorette party, so I get that, I rarely mention that on here because it is a big no no, but I know where your coming from because it is CUSTOM where Im from. But because of this, I would never have to tell her, she knows. If you have to tell her...its not custom and please dont tell her.
However, I have not expected my MOH to come to anything, she WANTED to come dress shopping with me, so she did, I didnt even ask her to come, she asked if she could come with my mom and I, and the only people that I have talked about linens with is FI and my mom. Unless a WP member asked, I feel no need to tell them, they dont care, they dont have to care and please dont take them not caring about linens as them being a bad BM, theyre human beings and noone cares about your wedding as much as you and FI do. period.
so, my advice is..relax, if throwing a shower is custom in your area for a MOH to do, she will. like..3 months before your wedding. But please dont make her go to other stuff..take your FI and/or mom..in 2 years.

LittleRandall

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_shy-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:bb028618-ecf4-49ed-93b5-ee351b0d4bb5Post:c4cbf445-8435-4cd8-a9fd-7751812fcd45">Re: Shy Maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you, your posst were really helpful. I have more expectations of my MOH due to family members telling me who is supposed to do what. I kinda have that "Big Fat Greek Wedding" family, only Irish. Eveyone has to be pushy and have their 2 cents put in. I have recieved a lot of scorn from my post, and I now understand that I had a false interpretaion of what my MOH should be doing, and I admit that part of it comes from being stressed, and some misguided information. The other part comes from assuming that since we are BFFs and I can't wait to do this for her, I kinda hope that she would be there for me. And for people concerned with how far in advance I am planning things, well mst girls have their wedding planned by the time they are 12. We are also getting no help financially from our families. So that means if we don't start saving and planning at least a bit now, we won't have a round about budget for what we will need when it comes time to start shelling out the cash. I love my best friend, and I can't wait to share special moments with her. I just wish she wanted to be there for them.
Posted by KD+AR[/QUOTE]

My best friend is shy to. She is my MOH and bff of 20 years. I was in her wedding as her MOH. I didn't throw her bridal shower that is something her mom and sister did. She never told me you have to do this and that and be here for me all the time. I threw her bachelorette party and planned it. I wanted to. She didn't expect anything. All the duties you hear that are the MOHs duties, she doesnt have to do. But I am sure she will be there for you to talk and help on planning things if you want and need it. I am sure someone will throw you a bridal shower. Also she didnt ask me to say a speech at the reception I wanted to. I told her I planned to and she was like you dont have to do that. I would like her to at mine but will understand if she doesnt. As of her fittings I did not go. I went the day she picked out her dress and the day the bridal party got ours. I think you need to just let things happen. If you want and bachelorette party talk to one or all of the other brides maids about it. I am sure as a freind she will be there for you. It may not be all the things you thought she would do but, it will work out.  As of the planning way ahead of time I think it is totaly ok. Don't stop researching and planning. Don't let people tell you otherwise. I know I have been planning since I was a little girl, don't we all? We are on a budget as well and are paying for this wedding. If there is help great if not that's ok. I totaly get where you are comeing from. My FI thought I started looking for a venue to soon that we could give it a month or so. But he is glad I did. It took me a few weeks a couple hours a day of researching and getting info and numbers on places to have it before we looked at them and then booked one. The place we went with was already booking up so. People I talk to think I am doing great getting things done and researching. So it is never to soon. Good luck with everything. Also Congrats on your engagment!

cassienoel022

Just throwing my twe cents in.  I understand that you are a little frusterated.  I am one of the weird ones with two MOH because my FI has two best men.  My best friend from high school never wants to hear about the wedding planning and I'm not gonna lie it upset me at first.  But later on I realized that she is my best friends.  As much as I value her opinion if it will cuase a strain on our relationship I don't want to talk to her about it. 

That being said my bridesmaid is the one that I ask what she thinks of things.  She wants to be apart of my planning process.  I understand that you want to talk to your MOH about linens and flowers.  Honestly who doesn't want their friends opinion.  But you just need to decide what is more important.  

JessicaDawn418

I am just going to respond and say all brides envision certain traditions and want to have assistance from their maid of honor, bridesmaids, etc. All brides would love to have a bridal shower thrown for them - it's a right of passage! 

I do understand your frustrations - unlike everyone else who is criticizing you for venting. Only you know your best friend and what she will likely feel comfortable with doing - so therefore if you want to be confident you chose someone who would probably throw you a shower and be excited to help you during the planning process you should probably pick someone else.

With that being said - perhaps she isn't seeming too interested in helping you thus far considering your wedding is not for another 3 years... most people don't plan this far in advance. In my opinion that is way too early and a bit much - so many things will have changed from now until than (decor/wedding dress styles, etc.)

Hope this helps and good luck 

tamezie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_shy-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bb028618-ecf4-49ed-93b5-ee351b0d4bb5Post:4717e891-a084-4ed4-ae58-c3738a69b3b9">Re: Shy Maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]Umm...is your wedding really in 2015?  If so, you need to put a screeching halt on anything wedding related.
Posted by gurrlballa10[/QUOTE]

LOL good eye!

leeloolyndsie

I disagree with a lot of the people on here in that I DO believe that your MOH has certain duties.  One of her biggest duties is to support you in the planning which means coming to fittings and attending other events with you!!! She needs to show you that you are as good a friend to her as you think she is to you.

Now, that being said, I don't think she NEEDS to plan your bridal shower if she's shy about it.  Maybe you could ask other bridesmaids to help out?  However, if no one wants to help, then you either have to plan it yourself or not have one. 

I do think that you need to talk to her and say that you really need help and support with the planning process. It seems to me that in this day and age, a lot of people expect the bride to do everything.  Seriously, at various times people have tried to get me to do shower, bachelorette, rehearsal dinner and honeymoon planning! and I have to say that we CANNOT do it al!!!  I mean yes, I guess if you don't do it, the feeling is that you won't get a shower or something, which is kinda bummy if you're doing the "whole wedding deal".  I fully expects my bridesmaids to help out, though I did tell them that when I asked them.  We need help and I don't think it's beyond etiquette to ask for it.

As far as your MOH goes, if she doesn't take that as a hint then either you need to just deal with her shyness (and do the planning yourself if stuff like a shower is really important to you) or find someone else.