this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Party
Wedding Party
New Discussion

Lame Best Man

dianaday06dianaday06
First Comment
in Wedding Party
So the best man in our wedding is my FH's "best" friend from college, but he is being a total flake about wedding stuff. Our wedding is in 2 months and there is no sign of a bachelor party yet (i thought the guys were supposed to love that part??) and he hasn't gotten fitted or responded to emails about hotels.  Can he be demoted? My FH is feeling like he's the only guy in the world with friends who don't care enough to make an effort surrounding something as important as his wedding.  The BM and I get along really well, he sent me a super sweet email upon our engagement and even teared up a little bit when he saw the diamond, so i really don't get it!! I want to kick his a$$, bu honestly t i don't know what to do. I want my FH to have an amazing bachelor party and all the things that are supposed to go along with getting married, is there anything I can do?
Report Reply to Post

Re: Lame Best Man

  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    First, this isn't your issue at all.

    Second, 2 months out is a bit far to be planning a bach party that probably won't even happen until a week or two before the wedding.  It doesn't require months of planning.   DH's was planned for the weekend before our wedding and they first contacted him about it three weeks before, and it was an OOT bach party with about 20 guys, too.  Plus he may not have heard anything because it's going to be a surprise.  

    Third, the BM is likely concerned with his own life right now.  Just like you aren't entitled to BMs who give up their lives to ooh and ahh about your wedding, he isn't entitled to GM who get super-excited.

    So in answer to your question, no, there is nothing you can do.  Anything YOU do will not only humiliate your FI, it will cause more harm than good.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    10000 Comments
    Why would he plan a bach party 2 months out? He's a guy, they plan last minute. My DH's best man didn't plan anything until the week of. Even so, your FI isn't entitled to a party. If he gets one great, if not, well it's not your BM's job.

    People get way too worked up over bachelor and bachelorette parties. It's just a party, you can have one whenever you want. I didn't have a bachelorette party and I still had a great wedding. The world won't end without one.
    Report Reply
  • dianaday06dianaday06
    First Comment
    The reason I was thinking it'd be planned ahead of time is becuase his groomsmen have to fly in from CA etc for it, but maybe my expectations are too high.

    Thanks for the input.
    Report Reply
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    They still have plenty of time to do so.  Don't get involved.  It will only make you look like a crazy bride, and you're not a crazy bride, so don't do things that will make people think you are one.  Nothing is more unbecoming than saying to good friends, "What's with you not planning all the parties that FI and I are entitled to?"
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
    Report Reply
  • suz62984suz62984
    1000 Comments
    Well putting aside the fact that you don't get to be involved in this since you aren't the groom and this "lame" friend isn't standing on your side:

    Guys don't plan stuff ahead of time. He probably isn't thinking anything about the travel of the others. Don't demote him. He hasn't really done anything wrong to deserve it. Just email him and tell him that he needs to get fitted by__date___ or the rental business will make him pay a rush fee of $__. He's a big boy that can plan from there. Also, throw in a casual "reminder" about a bach party...something like "So someone asked me about bach parties the other day. It just occurred to me that you may not have the other GM's info. I know they'll need to plan to fly in if you guys decide to have a bach party. Do you need any of their info or do you have it?"

    Keep in mind that receiving a bach. party is not a requirement. If nobody plans one, you don't get one.
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited May 2010
    What is "demoting" him going to do? Nobody's wedding is so important that it's like a job where someone can be bumped down to a lesser position if they're not performing a certain way. It's not going to punish him and it's not going to make him think, "Gee, I really deserve this treatment because I didn't put together a party for Mr. Dianaday soon enough. What a rotten friend I am! I don't deserve the Best Man title because I didn't work hard enough for it." It's just going to piss him off (and will probably end his friendship with you and your FI), and it'll make you look bad to any mutual friends.

    Demoting him will have no effect other than to make you and your FI look like pretentious people who are taking your wedding entirely too seriously, and it'll make you look like really snotty people who would dump a friend because he's not paying enough attention to either of you. There's no gracious or justifiable way to tell someone, "You need to earn your position in my wedding by doing X, Y and Z for me" or "I'm mad because you're not paying enough attention to my wedding for my liking."
     
    Let it go.
    image
    Report Reply
  • dianaday06dianaday06
    First Comment
    Ok, thank you guys for talking sense into me.  Haven't been bridezilla yet, no reason to start now. 
    Report Reply
  • spinner84spinner84
    100 Comments
    How do you know there's no bachelor party? The whole point is the groom isn't part of the planning, and you are even less involved.
    Report Reply
  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    2500 Comments
    Wow, I would NEVER expect somebody to fly anywhere for a bach party.  They are just not that important.
    Married 10/2/10
    Report Reply
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_lame-man?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bb061425-48b5-4dcb-b4f5-91f88de2cff6Post:4937ded8-9b97-4a4f-a890-be301b668116">Re: Lame Best Man</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, I would NEVER expect somebody to fly anywhere for a bach party.  They are just not that important.
    Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

    <div>I don't think it's bad to have an OOT bach party.  It's one thing if the guys/girls throw it out of their own volition, quite another for the bride/groom to demand it and tell you how much your "share" will cost.  DH and I were both flown to LA for our bach parties because our friends planned it, wanted to do it, and volunteered to do it.  I'm a BM for one of my BMs next year and we totally plan to throw her an OOT bach party because we think they're fun and have the means to do it modestly.</div>
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
    Report Reply
  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_lame-man?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bb061425-48b5-4dcb-b4f5-91f88de2cff6Post:f09d9e91-d6a0-453e-8e52-d253d69d2bcb">Re: Lame Best Man</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Lame Best Man : I don't think it's bad to have an OOT bach party.  It's one thing if the guys/girls throw it out of their own volition, quite another for the bride/groom to demand it and tell you how much your "share" will cost.  DH and I were both flown to LA for our bach parties because our friends planned it, wanted to do it, and volunteered to do it.  I'm a BM for one of my BMs next year and we totally plan to throw her an OOT bach party because we think they're fun and have the means to do it modestly.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    Right, that's why I used the word expect.  The OP clearly expects these GM to fly out for a bachelor party.
    Married 10/2/10
    Report Reply
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I understood it that the GM are OOT anyway and would have to fly to where they live.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards