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JF&JE2012

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mbcdefg

I agree with you that she's not being cooperative.

That being said:

You're the one who said she could be a bridesmaid. You're the one who said you'd pick up her dress instead of telling her, "If you miss the ordering deadline then you're out." You're the one who handed over her dress without getting her payment first.

The bottom line here is that YOU are ultimately responsible for any stress that's resulting from this girl being your bridesmaid. You could've easily said no at any point in this situation, but you chose to let her get her way all the time. That's not her fault. She can only push you around as much as you allow her to, and you've given her complete power to do so. It would be both mean and unfair of you to tell her at this point that her behavior is suddenly unacceptable, when you've apparently been A-OK with her behavior before that.

Don't use "ask her if she even wants to be in the wedding anymore" as a euphamism for booting her out. Because what will you do if she says yes? You'll just say "OK" and then you're still stuck with the same issues ... or you'll say, "Well, *I* don't want you in it anymore." Your question here is actually, "Can I kick her out?", right? You CAN do anything you want, but you need to realize what the results will be.

You either need to buck up and accept that you've created this mess and just deal with it ... or you need to tell her in no uncertain terms that she's no longer your bridesmaid, an invited guest to your wedding, or your friend, and as such you don't want to speak to her anymore. If you want to go this route then that's your choice, just be prepared to live with the results (her being really angry and upset, her telling other people HER side of this story - which is probably going to be, "I don't see how I did anything wrong!" - and you possibly looking like a big bridezilla to anyone outside this situation).

she doesn't get along well with any of my other bridal party.

How does this matter? She's not there to be friends with your other bridesmaids. She's there to stand in your wedding. They don't all need to be a social unit, and it sounds like she's probably not interested in interacting with them anyway, right?

jemmini6

Unfortunately, there's no tactful way to bring up if she wants to continue to be in the wedding, and there's definitely no way to kick her out at this point.  There's really not much you can do other than keep her informed, and then just go your separate ways after the wedding if that's what you wish.  Also, be prepared to never see the money for her dress.

QueerFemme

I agree with PP. There is no tactful way of asking her if she still wants to be in the wedding.  What you COULD do is have an honest conversation with her about how you feel in general. And also, ask her about paying you back for the dress.  But, the conversation has to be about what YOU feel, not whether she wants to be in the wedding or not.  Make it about YOU.  For example. "hey, Jane.  I was wondering if you could pay me back for the BM dress this weekend?   Also, I'm feeling dissapointed that you don't seem all that interested in the wedding.  I realize its my wedding, and I'm going to be more excited than everyone else, but I'm just feeling like you aren't that invested in the whole thing.   Can you tell me if that's true, and if so, is there something happening that is causing you to feel that way?"

You can't just kick her out, but you can say how you are feeling. And if that opens up dialogue about her not really feeling like being in the wedding, then great.  But, don't come out and say "do you really WANT to be in the wedding or not?"

JF&JE2012

Thanks for all of the advice and for letting me vent ladies! I'm just going to let it go.

JF&JE2012

I'm sorry. . . I didn't realize that was rude. That was my first post, and I thought the purpose was to get advice from my question. Since I got that, I didn't realize it was inappropriate to just be through with it now. I'll know for next time.

Again, sorry!!!!  

JF&JE2012

Good point!!! Thanks.